A story is in order

Colorado

Mom

The dark skies
And the snow piled up,
Leaving me dark and grey.
The struggles with for my mom,
Came in rolling waves.
Some where, amidst confusion, there was truth.
No, she has not died,
yet,
But she will.
She continues on now as she has all of her life
And so a story is in order.

She was born of 2 Greek immigrants in Norfolk, Virginia,
So many years ago, I can not fathom, 1922.
Her mother dies when she was 11.
This left her and her brother and sister in the care of an aunt.
There is a story of her,
that she did not know where her mother was,
no one told her that her mother was dead,
Until the funeral.
They brought her in,
to see her mom,
laid out for a burial.
She cried out “Mommy!”, but they hushed her.
What did that do to her, I can not imagine,
But at 16, she got a pilots license, she was still in high school.
A Greek woman doing this? 
Unheard of!
At 17, she went with other girlfriends to New York City, to see the Worlds fair,
Basically unchaperoned. 
That was 1939, for those who are counting.
She went and got a nursing degree and moved to Washington DC.
She visited Cyprus in 1949, for 3 months.
She lived with 3 other girls in DC and while we would not call them wild by our standards,
They knew how to take care of themselves.
She met my dad, who was working at a jewelry shop.
They got married and moved to Houston Texas in 1953.
I was born in 1954 and it did not change too much,
But somewhere she decided she needed to get a drivers license.
A woman who could fly, but not drive makes me shake my head.
Somewhere, during my college years, a passion for painting was reawakened.
Reawakened because she produced beautiful sculptures in high school.
She painted, mostly in oils,
But was not afraid of any media, sculpture or paint.
She was well known in South Texas, she was commissioned and sold many
And she was very good at something I am not, portraits.
When I left for the wilds of Connecticut
And my dad retired,
They moved to Colorado.
When my dad passed,
She continued to live, alone, taking care of herself in Colorado for a time.
I could not convince her to move back to me,
but did manage to get her to move to Virginia.
There she was with the rest of her family.
Oh, I did not tell you that when her father came over, he opened at small grocery store
And was very well off.
He brought over many, many relatives from Cyprus
And so if you are in Virginia Beach or Norfolk
and you run into a person of Greek decent, they are probably related to me.
Headstrong, able to make her own way, willful, these are all traits that allowed my mom to survive and to live,
Why should I expect it to be any different now?
Stage 4 COPD, I was told. The source was probably smoking as a young adult.
She quit long ago, but there was damage.
I will be down there very shortly
And will not be posting for a bit.

despite the trouble

The wind blows a bitter chill,
down my spine.
The snow has piled above my hear,
so I can barely see where i am going.
The ice and the sky have blended into one
and news that travels my way is like all of those combined.
An aching heart,
painful decisions,
not enough information
and that that does come is some what distorted.
In all of this, the dark,
the cold,
the heartache and indecision,
I...
I think of spring.

The use of experience

As i have struggled with the issues surrounding my mother and planning a trip down, i have been told consistently it is mostly her attitude.
Her quality of life is poor and i do not blame her for feeling this way, but gently i asked her how she would have felt if i had "given up".
Granted i am not her age, but it does look like i will be dealing with what has happen for the rest of my life.
I have gotten depressed, i understand deeply why.  I have spent many hours now working on the phone with many proffesionals and the situation does not look as bad as i thought, except...
there is the fairly consistent attitude that she wants to die.
She has used it for over 2 years now and not in a good way,
Now it is probably true and i am working on it the best i can.

Blindsided

or sucker punched.
My Mom has been saying she is dying (not an unreal statement, we all are) for over two years.
She has used that, along with her sister's not always accurate portrayal of my mom's health to try to push me.
I have been trying to get well enough to travel and i did it once in September.
She then at a cold, did not see a doctor and it went into pneumonia.
For an 88 year old, that is never a good thing.
It feels as if she has stopped trying to manipulate and the truth is there, for whatever time she has left, she needs 24 hour care.
And it is my lap to tie up all the loose ends so this can happen.
I know all the horror stories and i am not real happy about this.
I am exploring other options.
This is not easy.

With abandonment

The currect series of snows, which i dislike intensely, have not left me depressed.
Last nights snow of more than a foot closed schools and i stayed back to clear out so i could go to work safely tomorrow.
The kids were out and with them came small snowball fights.
These were wonderously fun and in the middle of one i stopped and thought.
Before the operation, i was strictly "an adult" and had fun with caution.
Playing at times, throwing snow balls or paper airplanes or footballs or anything else, with any of the children on the street has been done with me putting my whole self into having a good time.
It has been done with abandonment, with my whole heart and i have lost track of time, for a time.
It feels like I have become young again.
It is marvelous.
Back to work, but have fun also.

The cold weather cased me to make a carrot soup, the recipe is below:

Carrot Soup
Joe’s style, thick and spicy

Snowy weather makes me think of soup and a “the next Food network Star” challenge (2010) that failed made me think of carrot soup.

There is body to this soup and some significant heat – I would add plain yogurt to the soup, if you find the heat too much.  If done right the color will be a “dreamcicle” orange, there is a fresh taste of the vegetables and a crunch of the ones added last.

Ingredients:
1.    1 pound of peeled carrots, chopped or grated fine
2.    ¼ pound of carrots cubed
3.    6 stalks of celery chopped ¼ inch size
4.    ¼ long green (or turning red) hot pepper, chopped or grated fine
5.    1- 1 ½“ piece of fresh ginger, chopped or grated fine
6.    1 cup milk (low fat or regular)
7.    ¼ cup half & half or heavy cream
8.    The juice of one orange
9.    1 teaspoon of salt
10.    1 tablespoon Fresh parsley
11.    1 cup water

The grated carrot, ginger, parsley, water, orange juice, salt and pepper are placed in a sauce pan and brought to a low simmer and kept there for 30 minutes.  DO NOT let it burn.
Add milk and cream and stir.
Bring back to a simmer and heat for another 10 minutes
Turn off heat, add cubed carrots and celery pieces, and serve within 30 minutes.

going back

Some days i seem to wallow,
as it were, in the past.
My dad has been coming to mind.
A neighbor brought some venison over,
my dad used to hunt yearly.
I understand how to cook it,
i love to eat it.
i cooked it two ways.

Working with clementines,
these are my mom's favorites.
The rinds were canied,
the pulp was used in a sauce for fish,
The recipe is as follows:

Hunters Stew
Made with Venison

Venison is one of the more misunderstood meats I have encountered.
As a young man, my Dad hunted deer in the rural Eastern part of France, Alsace to be exact.
When I was young he continued to hunt in Texas and so I was exposed to Venison from a very early age.  As an adult, I encountered many people with bad experiences with venison and frankly, I wondered why.

There were some “field” facts my dad taught me, that were second nature in my head, but I began to encounter hunters who had no idea about any of them.
To be clear, I never shot a deer, but had no problem field dressing it once it was dead.
So first the simple facts:
1.    Where one shoots a deer is very important. 
a.    A gut shot will ruin a lot of meat for many reasons; including the spread of septis from the digestive organs and that the deer does not die immediately.
b.    A heart or a neck shot will ruin either the heart or the neck meat, but the deer will be dead instantly.
2.    Field dressing of a deer should be done on the spot and the contents buried.  You do not drag a deer to a car to clean it.  Field dressing removes the digestive organs and the blood from the deer.
3.    On male deer you must also immediately remove two scent glands in the hindquarters.  If those glands are ruptured, the meat is spoiled.
Too many hunters do not know these things and it is a shame.

On to the recipe, which was my dad’s, but cooked many times by my mom

Ingredients:
1.    1 pound Venison, cut into 1 to 1½ inch cubes, sinew removed
2.    2 onions, coarsely chopped
3.    3 cloves of garlic, coarsely chopped
4.    1-cup olive oil
5.    5 juniper berries
6.    3 bay leaves
7.    2 cups burgundy wine
8.    1-tablespoon parsley
9.    1-teaspoon salt
10.    1-teaspoon black pepper corns
11.    Water to cover
This is the basics, there are other vegetables that can be added – celery, turnips, parsnips, cabbage, peppers, mushrooms, carrots and any other vegetable that might be available or your favorite (I would NOT add tomatoes).  The ones I add are underlined

Cooking utensil essentials:
1 cast iron Dutch oven with a cover

The venison, salt, pepper, ½ cup wine, ½ cup olive oil, juniper berries and onions are combined in a bowl and allowed to marinate, overnight is preferable.
Remove the cubes and allow to drain (back into the marinade)
Heat the remaining olive oil on the stove and when hot sear the cubes of venison
Add the remaining marinade and bring to a simmer, cover and cook for 1 hour
Add parsley, remaining wine, vegetables and cook for an additional 1½ hours
Check to make sure that there is always some liquid in the pot (add water or wine)
Remove the juniper berries and bay leaves before serving

Venison Steak Marinade
a homemade barbecue

Ingredients:
1.  2 tablespoons stone ground mustard
2.  1 teaspoon mustard seed
3.  1 tablespoon paprika
4.  1/2 teaspoon Cayenne pepper
5.   3 tablespoons real maple syrup
6.  1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
7.  2 teaspoons salt

mix well and marinade the venison overnight in the refrigerator.

Cook at a broil setting for 10 minutes each side.

A triumph of sorts

The New Year, 2011

I think of “things” over the past year,
my eyesight,
as difficult as it seems,
does not degrade nor detract
from me.

The essence of me,
The spirit,
The soul
Of that man who is me.

I

Still am

And the thought and the feelings that are me,
have only improved,

No matter what I or others think.

I wobble and weave, many times like a drunkard,
but i am clear headed.
My sight,
through these eyes,
Is double,
but in my spirit,
is single,
Fixated on these things most important
To us as humans.

The lessons are learned,
Never to be forgotten on a cloudy day.

I stayed home for New Years Eve

6and part of the reason was to write and compose this entry.

I needed time for myself and i was not getting it

I have not written because of "drama" and also many visitors and guests, but enough of that...on with the show...


The last is a great picture of Jake, the lab who lives at our house...who looks like he is sharing some of my same feelings.

The next is a picture of a snow drift, from the one big (and in my opinion, the only one we need for this winter season)...

 

and if you ever wondered, as beautiful as this looks, i still dislike it completely.

Next, for gifts, I made cookies and such, but challenged myself as never before, I made 4 Greek pastries and the recipes are as follow:
The Start is a Honey Orange syrup

Honey/Orange syrup

1.    2 cups sugar
2.    2 cups water
3.    1 cup honey
4.    1/8 teaspoon cream of tarter (you always wanted to know when it was used, right?)
5.    ½ cup orange juice
6.    1 orange, 2 Clementines, 2 tangerines or other orange type citrus fruit
7.    1-tablespoon sweet anise seed (optional)


Since the syrup is used in other things, it can be reserved, keep it in the refrigerator
While the amount of syrup can be increased, the ratio remains the same.
Make by mixing granulated sugar with water and bringing to a boil, reduce heat. (DO NOT LET IT BURN!!)
Add honey and cream of tarter, mix
Peel orange and remove white rind as much as possible.   Cut into 1/8 squares and add to hot sugar water.
Add peels into the sugar water
Add anise seed and heat to just boiling
Add orange juice and reduce the total liquid by a third at a low simmer
Remove from heat, strain and let cool
Keep the diced citrus peels for other use

A difficult cake was the next one, but my personal favorite - the twist here is that i use hazelnuts, not walnurs:

Karidopita
(Greek Nut Cake)

Ingredients:
6 eggs, separated
1-cup sugar
¼ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon allspice or nutmeg
1 teaspoon finely diced orange peel
1/8-teaspoon baking powder
1/8-teaspoon salt
1-cup cake flour
2 cups ground hazelnuts (or walnuts)

Toppings:
Honey/Orange Syrup or powdered sugar

Beat Egg yokes until thick and then add cinnamon, allspice and orange peel
Beat egg white with cream of tartar until stiff
Fold the two egg mixtures gently
Mix baking powder with the flour and sift into the combined egg mixture, folding gently
Finally, slowly fold in nuts
Pour into a small (9” x 9”), greased cake pan and cook at 350°F for 40 minutes
If using with powdered sugar, cover plate with powdered sugar and place cake onto plate (of course removing from pan)
Sprinkle top with powdered sugar after the cake has cooled
If using the honey syrup, warm the syrup first and pour about ½ to 1 cup of syrup over the cake and cool
Serve cool

New is a cookie that is not sweet, yet also very much a favorite - I did nothing different for this one:

Koulourakia
(A Greek sesame seed cookie)

Ingredients
1 cup soft or partially melted butter (does NOT need to be clarified)
1 cup granulated sugar (I used raw sugar)
3 eggs (with 1 egg white saved for topping before baking)
¼ cup milk
1-teaspoon vanilla
5 cups flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
Sesame seeds
Whole cloves

Combine liquid ingredients first and slowly add the sugar
Mix the baking powder with the flour and add to the liquid
The mixture will be very dense and it needs to be so that it can be rolled out into the proper shapes
Take a small ball of the mixture and roll it out with your hand on a board to a long quarter inch strand
Shape 6 inches of this rod into various braided shapes:

My favorite is a “fish” like shape: 
Other shapes that are common to me are as follow:
A braided infinity sign: ∞
A spiral:     
A Doric column spiral: 

Lightly grease a cookie sheet and placed shaped cookies 2 inches apart

Brush the reserved egg white on all the cookies and sprinkle sesame seeds on each
Place a whole clove in each
Bake at 350º F for 25 minutes

My traditional cookie with lots of variations

Kourambiethes

(also call wedding cookies)

1.    1 pound softened sweet butter (do not clarify for firmer cookies)
2.    ¼ cup granulated sugar
3.    ¼ cup orange/anise/honey syrup
4.    1 tablespoon Orange zest or candied rinds (reduce sugar by 1/8th cup if you use candied rinds) chopped fine
5.    1 cup well chopped nuts (walnuts, pecans, almonds or a mix)
6.    2 teaspoons orange flavor
7.    1-teaspoon anise flavor
8.    1 tablespoon orange juice or water
9.    3 cups flour (for cookies that are more cake-like (my mother suggestion), use 2½ cups cake flour and 2 cups
10.    regular flour – this also required more flour than the original, regular flour recipe to get the correct consistency of the mixture)
11.    Powdered sugar

Beat the butter 30 seconds then add sugar and beat till fluffy.
Add cool syrup and continue to beat.
Add zest or rinds, nuts, orange and anise flavor and water.
Continue to beat until the mixture begins to  “ball” into clumps. (Sometimes I need to add more flour)
You may shape the cookie, keep in balls or “squash down”.  Your choice
Roll into balls and place on a baking tray and cook for 20 minutes at 350º F.
The cookies will have the edges just brown.
They must cool before removing from tray (but not cold).
Place on tray and cover with powdered sugar.
Eat at room temperature.

This is my recipe, Greeks generally add 2 eggs to lighten the cookies and use only confectionery sugar, not syrup and not granulated sugar.
I have seen no fewer than 5 different recipes for this cookie.

Finally, every ones favorite:

Baklava

This will make 2 large trays of pastry

Ingredients:
1.  1 package Filo dough
2.  1 pound unsalted clarified butter
3.  6 cups chopped nuts - walnuts and pecans
4,  1/2  cup granulated raw sugar
5.  1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
6.  1/4 teaspoon ground clove
7.  the rinds of 2 oranges or 4 clementines
8.   Who;e cloves

The nuts, 1/2 pound of melted butter, sugar, spices and citrus rind are all combined and mixed well and set aside
In a greased large pan, 7 layers of filo dough are placed, slathering melted butter on each.

I bake this for 15 minutes at 350 F
Remove and add 3 nut mixture layers - nuts, filo,nuts, filo, nuts and then 7 more layers of filo dough.
The traditional way is to cut this into  "diamonds before baking (and it does help).
Place a clove in the middle of each diamond.
Bake for 1 hour.
Heat up the Honey/orange syrup 20 minutes before the baklava comes out of the oven.
Add the syrup mixture as soon as the Baklava comes out of the oven.
LET COOL FOR 4 HOURS before attempting to cut.
Marvelous!