Anxious

But not frighten.
It has been WARM,
for New England,
but it is the end of January,
not March.
I want to start digging in my garden,
planting seeds,
preparing for this years harvest.
Already...
But his is NOT Texas, were i grew up,
This is Connecticut, where i moved.
And Yesterday and Today,
it has been warm
and i must resist the urge to prepare,
for tomorrow it will be freezing yet again!

challenge

An actual cooking challenge by those who live with me.
We bought something one not on a lark,
a Wishbone Buffalo Blue Cheese salas dressing.
After attempting to use it, we found it awful for salad.
The challange - i bet this would go good woith chicken,
you up to try it.
I knew i would not
- i do not use these things in my salad because all they are is oil and artifical flavor,
but...
Tonight i used what i had in the house and bought some crumbled blue cheese.
chicken leg quarters.
my dried ground chili peppers
panko bread crumbs.
Coat the chicken with a mixture of the bread crumbs, cheese and chili powder with some salt.
baked at 350 for about 30 minutes
- until i smelled the blue cheese browning, then lowered the temperature to 290.
Cooked for an hour at the lower temperature.
Prepared my sides - rice and baby lima beans (seperately).

This was way out of my comfort zone -
i do not like hot wings that much and this is not a style i cook - strictly American.

Some one gave me a 10 out of 10 on the dish.
This was strange and do not look to see if i will be on any cooking shows -
there is NO way!

a wish

The tiny boat tossed about in a rough sea,
this is how is see some peoples lives at this time.
They tire in a storm that does not seem to stop.
They fear,
rightfully so,
 for if the storm does not abate,
they might drown.

They seek a harbor to shelter them from this storm,
but there are some that do not shelter.
There are others that have hidden rocks and
 there are but very few, where shelter may be found.

This life is a storm
and for all those in the midst of trouble,
I wish for you safe harbor,
one without hidden rocks,
one that does not deceive,
where you might find rest/

Dreams of new direction

not sleeping dreams,
but those of the heart.
Glimpses came
and vanished in a haze of uncertainty.
I had to first let go of the current one,
that of work.
I waited patently after.
I waited for understanding.
They were there in my heart
and i was already acting on them,
but i, did not know,
could not know what they were.
The mist has clear,
for a second,
a minute,
an hour,
a day.
I know the new path that i am on.
At times i see the old one,
it beckons to me,
i ignore it.
I am some one else now.
I am good with that.

The cold makes me slow

It is cold out
and i have not felt like much of anything.
The consitancy is that i am very busy
and that i cook.
I know i am still in catch-up mode...
catching up with things left undone since the operation and the recovery.
I still think i am in the recovery stange because i see slight improvements in my vision,
in the "diplopia" part.
Cooking warms me up and so does what i cook.

Recipe today is lentil soup...

lentil soup

 1 bag of dry lentils

1 ¹_/2 tablespoon salt
2 tablespoon fresh minced hot pepper
6 cloves garlic
3/4 onion sliced
1/4 onion minced
1 cup sliced sweet peppers
1 teaspoon dry hot peppers
1 teaspoon orange zest
¹_/2 cup orange
8 bay leaves
10 black peppercorns
1 teaspoon course ground black pepper
1 lb of sausage
5 whole allspice berries
1 cup white wine
1 cup chopped celery
1 cup fresh carrots
5 whole allspice berries
1/4 stick butter
1 quart chicken stock

clean (to remove stones and unwanted debris) and then soak lentils with cold water 3 inches above lentils

soak over night
boil 1 cup of water and soak bay leaves, peppercorns and allspice berries with 1/2 tablespoon salt over night
melt butter and cook onions till just translucent and add garlic, peppers and sliced onions in a large pot (you can use a frying pan and transfer to a crock pot as an alternative)
add lentils, strained bay leaf water and all the remainder of the ingredients except the minced onion to pot on low heat
discard bay leaf mixture, but add fresh peppercorns and allspice to the lentils
Add wine and chicken stock to cover the lentils 1 inch.
cook covered for 6 + hours
topped with minced onions
a dollop of yogurt or sour cream is also an option

last night...

wispy dreams came last night.
Wispy because they did not stay when i awoke,
but only lingered in a ghost form,
telling me they were there.
I know i slept soundly
and it feels strange not to remember the dreams,
but there was no message for me last night.
I must be at peace.
cold this morning!
So cold
and the worst is yet to come,
but it is mid-January
and it will not last much more.
Then there will be Spring
and preparing
and planting a garden.
I truly can not wait,
but i shall!

taking time

it is suppose to talk as much as
or more than 2 months,
to get used to a routine without work,
to discipline and accomplish,
but me,
me, i am impatient.
You would think that with all i have gone through,
being forced to be patient,
being a patient,
needing to wait...
gently,
i would have learned this lesson,
but no there is still more to go.
I pedal on my stationary bike
and i see things need to be done.
I want to stop and fix those things.
I do not, slowly.
I stopped by an art display,
yesterday in the cold.
I remembered that i had time,
it was own schedule to keep.
Things press,
i am trying to waive them away,
and i think it is working...

walkin'

IT IS COLD OUTSODE!
And the colder wind mocks the sun that seems so distant.
Am i crazy?
20ish Farenhiet,
 that's only -4.4 Celcius.
After the warmish December and Begining of January...
it is too cold,
but i walk any way.
I keep myself out of the house,
but i am doing things.
Much has been accomplished,
there is much yet to do.
Visitors have all been welcome,
including Jake's (our dog) daughters.
On know to go to lunch,
but first i stopped,
 by an art exhibit at the old town hall,
in Stamford.
This was good.

Working with Ghost Peppers

Yes, i go here,
also known as Naga Bhut Jolokia
the third (or second) hottest pepper in the world.
Salsa?
Can it be called that when the heat index is over 1 million scoville units?
But i make it nevertheless,
but i am well equiped,
with 36 years of lab experience,
working with dangerous chemicals.
There is no difference.
Gloves - a must!
A hood - highly recommended.
a clean work space - esential.
I freeze these,
for otherwise the vapors would waft up reining my disposition.
I grind into a fine powder,
then add lime juice, salt and a touch of sugar!
I keep refrigerated and use only the tiniest bit when i want heat.
Clean up?
Soap, water, soap, water - multiple times.
Do not touch your eyes with the gloves!
Dispose of them properly!
There is a fruity taste to the pepper,
but use it wisely!

Still cooking

in case you did not notice, also blogger is not letting me add more photos, even tho i am no where near my limit!

Drunken Pork Chops

with Rum!

 6 thick pork chops

2 tablespoons brown sugar
1/4 cup rum
1 tablespoon maple syrup
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon hot pepper

Mix rum and maple syrup and place into a backing pan

Salt the chops and place them into the liquid
add the brown sugar to the top of each one, sparingly
cover and place in the refrigerator over night
Allow it to come to room temperature.
place covered in a 350 F oven for 1 hour
remove the cover and pour the liquid into a sauce pan to reduce
broil the chops for 10 minutes per side (brown), remove.
plate pouring reduced liquid on each one.

letting go is not always easy, but it is important

Yes,
i try to search myself daily.
I do not always find the things that hold me back,
but eventually,
 they come to the front.
Then, when i see them,
they can leave,
and bring me back to peace.

How is it that we hold on to "stuff",
the stuff that bitterness is made?
We all do it,
a slight here,
an unfair action thee
and we keep it in our hearts so it can fester and poison our souls.
Why?
It hurts only us.
It keeps only us back
or does it affect those who we hold a grudge or bitterness also?
For the freedom of a butterfly,
I let them go
and maybe they will be free also.

unsung

It appears i have been awoken,
it is not my fault,
words must be written,
so gain truth may be spoken and heard.
The night was amazing, but people mostly fumbled with what i had done.
It was Olga's and Debbie's night
and there praises were sung,
but what could the speakers say about me?
Could Michael Perry talk of the 2 times my analyses closed the pools at his hospital?,
no, for i have effected too many.
This is the way of it,
you speak the truth and people are uncomfortable.
Mayor Pavia remembered when i found red tide in Stamford Beach water.
Something no one at that time believed,
until they found out i was only speaking the truth
and others verified it.
Ben Barnes would haltingly remember that i knew something about beach closing,
but he could not remember when i stood against everyone in the meeting on the Scofieldtown dump and told them that the pesticides were not from the dump,
and none believed me.
Yet i was correct.
Looking for and speaking the truth was all i have been about.
Changing my mind when the evidence provided a different answer,
was common.
I did not support anything,
but the truth and the public's health.
The one living Health Director who was not there,
but was somewhat belittled by those present,
perhaps would have told the many times i stood my ground,
because that was what the evidence said.
The health Director who got it right said I knew a lot.
Yes and there is so much that was untold.
That i was the resident expert entomologist
and that i knew much information that was shared with all who called concerning Lyme disease.
They talked about water testing,
as if i created it,
but i only used the tools already available.
They talked of one published paper,
but there were 2.
They showed one Newspaper article,
but there were 7.
And the information shared did go global,
affecting even the US EPA, here
and numerous other countries as well,
looking to protest public health.
What i did will remain because the people i helped,
 were those people who walked through the labs doors,
needing answers to questions they had.
i could not help everyone,
but i tried.
I ended the night when they asked me to say something,
with only a few words,
a quote,
from the last Star Trek movie which had James T Kirk in it.
His final words and mine,
with all that they implied in the movie,
standing for all i did in my own work life.
I made a difference, so my last words were:
"It was Fun".
Thus ended my carer as a lab analyst.

more...

those pesky dreams returned last night...
you know the ones,
the ones of my past work.
Again, even in my dreams i am not allowed back into the lab.
It is okay,
for this will pass.

The eclectic monk?
you do not ask,
but i will tells you anyway:
Vows of kindness and compassion and love,
but not of pity.
Seeking to good in any small way,
even if it means a sacrifice of his own pleasure.
Interested,
no more than that,
excited about new and old things,
seeking to learn at each bend in the road.
Knowing that life is what it is,
but it is never boring!

not my mamas tzadziki

an untraditional approach to a traditional side!

1 cucumber, peeled and diced

2 cloves garlic, diced
1/2 red onion, diced
1 lemon, juiced
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup feta cheese, crumbled
2 cups yogurt
 
mix all the ingredients and keep refrigerated.  Serve when ever and however you like!

the return of the eclectic monk

a label given to me by a freind
from "before".
Before the operation,
before the adventure,
before the struggles.
It is comforting to my heart,
yet also somewhat disquieting.
The monk who is kind,
yet some what aloof,
never allowing one person to hold on alone.

yes, this was a label given to me many years ago,
for apparently i am good hearted
and yes, into everything with a full heart.

 There are advantages and
... disadvantages.

In this guise i have become deep friends with more people than most
and yet it has excluded only one person staying in my life,
but i think those who loved me most,
and have left this life,
would want it this way.
It is some how fuller,
yet there are somethings i miss out on.
for in my life there are many
and i count my self fortunate.
Is it bittersweet?
Rather it is something to rejoice in, i think.

so much to do, so little time

The shotgun effect
or the lower 40,
if you have ever heard.
I might be a bit too ambitious
or perhaps i am not focused.
Of course today i got a bit of a head cold
and things seem too much,
but this has been happening all week.
Me i am becoming frustrated,
trying to accomplish.
but not finishing.
I am trying to establish minimum goals,
to help me focus.
Most is to make my environment better,
cleaning, straightening and throwing out.
then some are for my health,
a walk,
exercises time.
And these are not consistent.
Many were left undone by work time and the exhaustion to follow,
but now it is a lack of clarity.
My life feels too full.
No rocking on the chair for me.
Nope, not ever.
Cooking as ever appears to be my salvation,
especially since it is winter time,
with snow on the ground.
No Gardening at this time!

Days beginning

Awakened in a start,
from deep sleep,
the dream still lingers,
at work i was,
but not working.
that part was right,
I am no longer "working".
But being there seemed out of place,
an error
or is it a lingering
of something i did for 33 years.
I was told to expect  this,
that it would be this way for a few months.
Washing off the dust of 33 years is ...
hard.
I have other things to do in the mean time...