Discovery of what has gone

While i was away,
with old friends,
a discussion occurred.
The discussion was of chaos and disorder,
but then it went somewhere else.
"Joe, do you remember..." some one began.
"who prepared lunches when we all were together on Saturdays?"
A simple question, but i had no answer.
"You?" i asked feebly,
because what ever it was, was not there.
Everyone around the table became quiet,
they were looking at me and another asked,
"You don't know?"
I did not.
The first to ask the question responded,
gently, "It was you, Joe."
I know i gave a blank look,
for that was all that was in my mind.
Another, responded with a quiet assurance, "It was you".
There was no flood of memories that came back to me,
it was another space of time and place that had been rattled out of my being,
during that surgery.
Faint, hazy shadows have popped back into my head since,
but i can not tell if they are real
or just made up.
It feels very strange to know you do not remember,
to find holes of darkness,
where memory once was,
but i accept these and move on.

back and busy

I will start off with one of my favorite pictures from my trip and end with 2 others,
but i between, i have come back to chaos.
Our kitchen is being fixed up and the house is a mess.
Dust and debris every where
and i still have to clean up from out trip!.
It will be over and things will be good,
but living through it now is not easy.

Coming home?

It has been two weeks with little connection to the far flung world and now I return to many things.
It has been refreshing, I did lots of weeding of gardens, something I truly love. I managed to get plenty of healthy sun, no sun burn.  I also was reconnecting to persons I had not seen in some time, so all was good.
it was truly spring time with azaleas and dogwoods in full bloom!
returning to CT is going to be a bit difficult because there were freezing temperatures recently and so things are not as full of life, but then again it means I get to experience two spring times!
Pictures will come since they are in my camera, not the iPad.
All is good and hopefully there will be more to post, I do not like touch pads on a screen!

On the road

For a bit, I am away an d Learning how to use an iPad in a moving vehicle,  that is both, learning how to use an iPad and using it while moving.
It is an interesting experience
Will see you all in a few!

when a freind is in need

In one sense,
there seem to be many crises in the people around me.
It effects me because i believe i hold a piece of them in my heart.
There are times i wish to "fix" things,
but that is not a role to play for me.
I am to be with them,
do what i can,
comfort them
and just be for them.
It is actually the most difficult thing i have ever attempted.
TO be, so they do not feel alone.
To stand with them,
sometimes doing just little things,
that seem to be sheltering them from the storm.
I want to stop the storm,
but that is beyond me
and it is right that it is.
To hold their hand,
So that even tho they are afraid,
they are not afraid alone.
To speak words of comfort
and do what ever i can
and no more.

sharing lessons

Just coming out of my operation,
some 4 and a half years ago,
I saw bright lines,
connecting us together,
those closest to me,
were brightest.
I realized that we all share a connection,
whether we recognize it,
or not.
the other night i had a dream,
it was of no consequence,
for details were missing,
but i left me with a profound sense of loneliness, when i awoke.
i remember when i felt that always
and even now,
there are those times...

But we all feel this
and i have some friends who are felling this intensely at this moment,
but sharing words does not help.
Doing things does not help,
tho i wish i could do a million more things.
Just being there seems to help best.

I remember, going into the operation,
how intensely frighten i was of my own death.
And all the things that happened,
even death for but a moment,
i noticed that i was no longer afraid.
It was if to say,
there is nothing more or worse that can be done to me
and i survived
and i lived
and i recovered.
I hear people talk of their great fears,
all of what is unknown.
It beats them down,
all of those fears.
And i say do not worry,
but it has a hollow ring for them.
They have yet to know,
I can only be in my attempt to help.

There are things that i do not like,
winter is one,
but it is passing,
the sun is out,
trees are beginning to bud
and new life may begin to seep into our souls.