Tuesday, August 26, 2014

walking through life

often i hear:
"You're retired???"
as if they can not believe it
and more often than not,
it is followed with yet another question;
"Aren't you bored???"
I am not bored
and i am retired,
because i con no longer do the work i was able to before.
tho this is my answer,
there is more,
there is always more,
life is NOT so simple.
I stopped working because my sight
and my balance caused mistakes
and accidents,
none were serious,
yet, they could have been.
In my estimation,
I was a danger to my self and those around me,
but not because of any illness.
It was the nature of my work
and what i handled
and what i had to do on a routine basis
and how my eyes and balance affected all of this.
When i walk,
i find my best efforts happen,
when i set my sights on a goal far away.
I may stumble because of a crack in the walk,
but i have a place and a goal to go to.
It is like that with each day.
My life is not filled with routine,
but rather a series of goals.
I rest often
and that in of itself,
is a goal.
When i do not start with a goal,
i wander aimless,
until i set a goal.
The goals are simple,
clean a garden,
pick the fruits of the garden,
decide how i will use them for dinner that night.
A walk is a goal,
with surprise encounters along the way.
Laundry and even fixing my bed are goals.
i do not have high expectations,
yet each accomplishment is important.
Talking to people,
sharing the things i have been given,
are in of themselves,
a goal worthy of a king.
No, I am not bored
and each moment carries an expectation of success.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

how it goes

I often wonder how i go,
from one day to the next.
My eyes burn,
the sockets holding them hurt,
the vision from them gets me confused
and i wonder about the struggles of life...
i do not have it bad,
i am often reminded
and yet it ,
that is life,
is still a struggle.
And i struggle
and maybe the answer.
I am not lying still,
waiting from it all to end.
I will not give up.
Every moment of everyday,
i find a way to continue on.
It is not only with life,
that i struggle,
but with my heart.
My heart sees things it does not like,
in me and at times in others.
My heart struggles to remain free
and i let it.
So i take my tired,
odd seeing eyes
and i look
and i see...
the beauty of a single cloud,
in an otherwise cloudless sky.
The butterfly,
flitting among the honey bees,
gathering nectar,
and the flowers that still come,
despite my bumbling ramblings in the garden.
There is much beauty
and i struggle still,
though i am tired,
i no longer see my end in sight.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

it is more than time

yes,
i have found peace,
for every one of us fails,
every one of us makes mistakes.
I almost let my old self get lost,
in confusion
and turmoil,
but no more.
No person can,
nor has the right to change
who we are,
only we can do that,.
So i hid for awhile,
did you notice?
I have stopped hiding,
does that make you uncomfortable?
There should be no fear,
on your part,
for i mean nothing concerning you,
it is only me that has returned.
Our place is to let it go
and not hold on.
i walk free,
but you do not?
Do you still hold on,
to what you can not change?
Life is here to live
and to love
and to enjoy,
let no dark cloud destroy that.
Move on.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

returning to peace

The rains and wind came,
just as "they" said it would.
It was comforting,
for the morning came
and light grey skies greeted me.
i shuffled down the stairs,
for my first cup of coffee
and sat out side,
watching.
Dreams last night,
people who are close,
together someplace wonderful
and safe.
My cat,
the one who passed some 6 years ago,
while i was struggling for my life in the hospital,
was there
and i still love him.
Struggles,
yes,
they are here.
The good we do,
the bad,
i have no rational for either.
They happen,
they exist.
we make them happen,
but i prefer the good
and struggle with the bad.
i want a reason, a justification,
for why,
there is not.
It just is
and i must let it all go.
and that is when i find peace
and the storm is no longer terrifying,
but only a part of life.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

A Summer's Ending

Chilly nights,
cool mornings
and warm afternoons,
mark the beginning of August,
in New England.
I am unused to this,
August should be hot,
but not in New England
and indeed,
the trees begin to tell me,
it is not in my mind.
a small splash of color,
on one leaf.
This is all I need to see.


Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Awe and Glory

sometimes words just do not work,
some times thought is not enough.
I could explain all of the science behind the colors and light,
but would it help?
Sit back and enjoy!

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Tuesday, August 5, 2014

I have been watching carefully

Carefully i watch
and study
and make observations.
That creative side,
does not want to be in contact,
with the coarser,
less emotional,
analytic side.
When i try to "figure" things out,
it retreats to a safe distance.
I can not blend them,
i feel sad about that.
It comes out,
as soon as the processing gives up
and needs a break.
The heart then,
is stronger than the mind,
but the mind is a bully.
To observe
and feel,
is the heart's job,
but the mind is to observe
and calculate.
They do not mix.
There is death with the one,
which does not feel
and life with the other.
They have struck a bargain,
they share my life,
the mountains and valleys,
one to lead the way,
the other to experience the hope,
that this life has,
for the mind does not see hope,
only problems
and the heart always hopes.