Falling into it

I am ill at ease.

Something troubling my spirit,

making me restless deep down.

How can i possibly understand you,

when i have no clue about me?

I see change coming,

but i vacillate,

between excitement

and terror.

An end is coming,

but it is not my end...

i simply do not understand.

Can't we all see,

how hard it is to understand

and help each other along?

dreaming or not?

I awoke from my dream,

saying this is not real,

but i did not know yet,

just what i was referring to...

was it the dream

or was it now?

There seemed to be so much struggle,

so much pain,

so much strife,

now.

That was not in the dream,

there was peace

and comfort

and i felt safe.

I almost remembered,

the cause of that dream.

An operation,

the one where i stopped breathing,

for i heard the doctor say so.

Oh, that peace!

That peace was the reality,

not this place that i was in now.

The struggle took over

and i forgot the dream,

but i remember the peace

and wondered why it was not here.

a misstep

Not quite a fall,
for i caught myself on the fence,
before my knees,
touched the cold of the concrete sidewalk.
Shaken,
but not hurt,
I was in the sight of many others,
who rushed over to help.
I was okay,
physically,
but not emotionally.
I have to be reminded often,
such as in the this situation,
that i am NOT well,
that my limitations are real
and that i must be careful at all times.
It is tiring,
being ever vigilant
and there are many times,
i want to throw down my cane,
toss the prism glasses off my face
and run!
And run,
not to get away,
but for the sheer freedom it brings.
I wonder how many times,
those who are worse off than i,
feel the same.
I took some minutes,
to get my heart and mind right again.
Then I continued on,
for a long walk was planed,
of more than  a mile,
before that misstep
and i was not going to be deterred!

My first question for this new year

since i do not think i have made my blog interesting reading
or at the very least,
what i post does not generally get any comments,
except on Facebook and Google plus,
i am starting a new trend and
asking questions of any readers.
This question starts with my answer,
as i found my self cleaning in my kitchen again
and leaving my room to layers of dust.
What part of your living space do you find easiest or most likely to clean?
And which is least likely to get your cleaning attention?

creeping in

my brain says :
"It is not that bad out, yet!",
but my hands and feet,
they feel it.
It...
the thing i dislike most in winter time,
the cold.
My fingers feel it first
and i don gloves.
My toes,
wrapped in shoes
and socks,
cry out for heavier socks,
but then succumb,
to that creeping numbness.
The dark does not bother me so much,
even when i can not see the stars,
but cold of any kind is tough on me.
My mind follows,
once the fingers and toes feel it
and all is lost.
The darkness that follows is not of lack of light,
but of the absence of hope,
for all feels desolate and barren.
Christmas time is over
and bleak mid winter is upon us.
"It is not as bad as last year!"
my mind screams in desperation,
"There is not snow on the ground, still!"
Again my mind attempts to regain a rational footing,
byt my heart has gone down a slippery slope
and only the fresh air of Spring will revive it.