Joey K's Place

The corn bread

2012-01-29T18:56:00.003-05:00

This is the lightest, flufiest cornbread i have ever had. Some of the flavor ingredients are optional.
It is also comfort food.

Cornbread

(Greek inspired!)

you can play a little with this recipe, but if you gooverboard, it will not rise

i have added 1 cup cooked grits (for texture) and 1tablespoon of granulated sugar (to increase sweetness) and substituted 1 can ofcreamed corn (time and texture) without it falling on me.

4 sticks of softened butter

8 eggs - separated
1/8 teaspoon cream of tarter
2 cups Maseca (cornmeal)
2 tablespoons Baking Powder
1 cup half & half (if using the cream corn add 1/2 cup)
1/2 cup sour cream (flavor)
1 cup corn (thawed frozen or canned)
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 cup diced cilantro (flavor)
1/2 cup chopped chives (flavor)
2 chipolte peppers (diced or shredded) (flavor)
8 oz shredded cheese (flavor)

beat egg whites with cream of tartar until just stiff andset aside

beat egg yolks until thick and then add butter and whip
add salt, half & half and sour cream and continue tobeat,
mix corn meal and baking powder
slowly mix in corn meal mixture
fold in corn, cilantro, chives and poblano peppers
fold in the egg whites
pour into large 9 x 12 pan and bake at 350 for 40 minutes
top with the shredded cheese and continue to bake anadditional 10 minutes
The edges should be just golden.

Comfort food

2012-01-28T08:59:00.000-05:00

not having enjoyed my work week, last night i went to one of my favorite comfort foods,
Linguini with clam sauce. it helped.

Linguini/spaghetti with clamsauce

One of my favorite - got to have it meals

3 cans baby clams - chopped, minced and whole and all of theliquid

1 tablespoon garlic, chopped
1 can anchovies (minus the couple i eat as they come out ofthe can)
Olive oil to cover the bottom of the pot
1/4 cup dry oregano (I use what i dried from my garden, butany dry oregano is good)
2 tablespoon parsley (dry is okay, but fresh is best)
1/4 cup olives and preserving liquid
2 cups wine
1 teaspoon crushed red pepper
1 cup scallions, chopped
1 teaspoon salt
1 pound pasta of your choice
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese

The garlic, oregano and anchovies is added to the olive oiland sautéed

The clams with broth is added with 1 tablespoon parsley
this is brought to a simmer and then the crushed red pepper,olives with liquid and wine is added and brought to a simmer.
This must be reduced by 1/2 volume before cooking the pasta,but keep it at a simmer
cook the pasta according to the direction and reduce thetime by 2 minutes
add 1/2 cup scallions and the parmesan cheese to the clammixture and mix well
taste and add salt to your taste
drain the pasta and add it to the clam broth
let the pasta soak in the clams juice for the 2 minutes andturn off the heat

This is where me and my house differ.
I would serve it now and have the pasta be beautiful and al dente
They would have me leave the pasta till soft (it actuallytastes even better this way because all the juice is soaked up)

serve with the remainder of the parsley and scallions on top

add additional cheese if desired

Fog and Rain - a lot like life

2012-01-27T23:28:00.003-05:00

Today was the perfect description
Fog, drizzle, rain,
the way lighted,
but not quite clear,
not quite safe.
So much just like life is.

A quandary and a hope for intelligence

2012-01-27T18:17:00.000-05:00

A much too important question not to be answered,
I posted on my other blog, hoping for some response:
What is public Health?
But the reason for the question created a great big stir in me.
I find my self fighting the issue with people who should know better.
Are they lazy?
Not wanting to do work?
Are they so disinterested in having any kind of meaning for their work or life?
I can not work that way,
I can not live that way.
Vaccines, one of the most important advances in public health were being dismissed as not part of a health departments job.
This confuses me,
this get me angry.
I do not comprehend the thought behind such issues with something so fundamental as vaccines.

i do not like getting up in the morning

2012-01-25T16:19:00.002-05:00

it is not because i am lazy
nor is it because i don't want to go to work,
(tho the later might be true some times).
No it is because when i wake up,
my face and eyes are toward a wall, not more than a foot away
and as i open my eyes
everything i see for that instant is single.
That changes when i turn around and face the wall that is ten feet from me,
I always turn back,
but in order to get moving, i must go the other way
and i don't want to.

every day is a struggle

but that struggle means we still live

and by some chance might encourage

someone.

A Snow Day

2012-01-23T17:58:00.000-05:00

The day of snow was pretty
and now its going away,
washed away in a warmish rain.
I like snow this way.

I did not go out because of the slush,
which was slippery,
so i stayed in and tried to go through things...

Those things were of course, the things still waiting for me from my mom's stuff.
Pictures and things...
It still is not easy,
but the memories are mostly very good.
A sketch pad of many, many different "prequels" to a painting.
I thought for some reason of the sketch pads of Leonardo Di Vinci.

So truly good things came from a snow day...

its cold, i think soup

2012-01-21T11:44:00.001-05:00

This is how i deal
today:

Potato Leek Soup

(its a thick one)

1 bunch leeks - cut into 1/2 inch pieces, cleaned and soakin cold water over night
5 potatoes, diced into 1/4 pieces (I do not peel them)
2 sticks butter
2 cups wine
1 tablespoon salt
2 tablespoons course ground black pepper
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
1 teaspoon hot red pepper flakes
1 tablespoon chopped ginger
1/4 cup smoked meat (ham, bacon, turkey, whatever you havearound)
2 cups broth of any kind
1 cup milk
1 cup half and half
1 cup of potato flakes (instant potatoes)

melt the butter and just brown the potatoes

add the leeks, seasonings and meat and mix well
add the wine and 2 cups broth
bring to a boil and reduce heat to a simmer for a minimum of1 hour
Add milk and half and half and allow to simmer for at least30 minutes (the longer, the better).
Add enough potato flakes to just thicken (many timesless than a cup) and serve.

Note: I have awaken my need for soke, it has not gone away

Snow and such

2012-01-21T10:33:00.000-05:00

For the second time this season,
we have snow.
This is not bad for New England,
It is on a Saturday,
so i am not walking to work,
but it reminds me of my sleep last night,
a sleep that was sound,
but with many troubled dreams,
fights with people and places i did not know.
This, blanketed by my sleep,
so i did not wken,
but i remembered the sensation,
the struggle,
I woke late and the world was white.

a bit more on the meaning of like.

2012-01-18T16:26:00.001-05:00

It was an innocent start,
a lunch,
a short trip to a Trader Joe's
and there was more difficulty with my eyes than had been.
Perhaps i was complaining,
sometimes i do,
but then the question came:
"do you ever wish they hadn't taken out the tumor?".
I had a quick response and there was silence after,
a long silence.
I answered simple enough,
with truth,
"never, for other wise i would be dead."
A deep silence enveloped the car,
but it was because all were relizing what it meant,
that little bit of truth.
And the meaning and the wonder of life was clear.

The meaning of Living and life

2012-01-17T15:53:00.001-05:00

A light layer of white lays on the ground,
it is not a blizzard
and it is a welcome relief from the terrible cold of theother day,

but i am struggling in my heart

and every thing is "why?".

i do not have answers,

I do not have direction.

I seem to plod along,

wandering in the snow.

Work,

life,

living.

what they are for

and for but a moment,

i do not know.

All things pass

and become the past

as will this

and probably by mid morn i will be fine.

Slip, slosh, slog, slosh. Slip

I make my way slowly today,

Carefully.

I am going too early and too late for a ride.

Past the sacred Heart Church,

Down the steep slope of Smith Street.

I have made it down the slope of Pine.

Streets with no houses, but streets of great importance,

To me.

A great noise - crows

replaced by a louder noise - geese

Cross the new pedestrian way of the Mill River Bridge.

I still ponder what was going through my head earlier,

But am distracted by the mere act of surviving the walk.

Survival is not all what it is about,

But I am not interested

in the yelling and the fighting andthe anger

that seems to be part of whateveryone else calls “surviving”.

I have no interest in that.

No desire for that.

I tend to withdraw now with that,

But do not provokethe beast, there is still bite left.

Do not corner him, do not push him.

And I still ponder the meaning of this thing called life…

And i still ask, why?

Why am i still here?

This is deep

and i can fall into an abbyss thinking.

I do not need to think,

but to be,

There are answers,

but i do not have to know them,

i just know that there are answers.

It is good enough for me.

Rainbows from the past week

2012-01-14T09:59:00.002-05:00

enough said!

Morning of a winters day

2012-01-14T09:50:00.001-05:00

A large piece of beef - bottom round, chuck roast it was labled,
i picked it up the other day on a good sale for a cold day to cook it.
Today is good, cold, cloudy, yuk!
My spices will lead me,
garlic and onion first, sweet them down in olive oil,
the beef to sear next,
both sides.
the juice for 2 clemintines,
salt and clack pepper.
Ginger, alspice, 2 juniper berries.
celery and carrots
and then the red wine.
i turned the heat to low and let it cook.
I'll serve this one with potatoes, mashed or baked!
This will warm my heart!

Playing peek-a-boo with the moon

2012-01-13T16:06:00.001-05:00

now you see it

Now you don't

Walking in today was fun,

the gibbous moon was playingpeek-a-boo through the clouds.

A Friday is nice,

but I am confused,

this is January,

itfeels like March.

The wild wind,

blowing the clouds around.

My normal walk,

what surprise do I find today at the Millriver bridge?

Tap, tap, tap, my cane goes and then
"Clang, clang,
wood on metal.

Another game that has been played,

close the bridge,

someoneelse opens it.

Close the bridge,

a resident of Stamford,

a pedestrian,

cutsthe fence and it is open yet again.

Today, there is something different,

a metal bridge on thebridge, covering the “failed” part and the bridge is opened again, officially.

It is dark again, the moon is hiding and the sun is not upyet.

A bright light from an open store makes me wobble,

I lose mybalance,

I do not fall,

that is what the cane is for.

Friday the 13^th, not a bad start to theday.

The wild wind brought winter back.
A bit of snow,
only flurries rushing past

If this post seems a bit disjointed, so is the weather!

back in the sadle again

2012-01-12T19:41:00.002-05:00

Yes the soup worked
and the guest who came over enjoyed it so much she came for thirds the next day.
There is a beauty in cooking something slow that can not occur in a quick meal.
The flavors develop,
love becomes more apparent.
This is what i like to do.

A full moon and a minor flu

2012-01-10T11:54:00.001-05:00

Used With Permission from Sefano De Rosa as seen in Spaceweather.com

The bright, full moon was so loud,

it woke me from a sound sleep

a sleep filled with unusual,

unremembered dreams,

of people known and unknown.

So many dreams,

so many people.

My body aches,a minor level of the flu.

it makes each cell feel like it is to explode,

yet they do not.

This is not deadly, but uncomfortable.

I have no fear of this,

but it hurts far worse than those things that would haveclaimed my life.

Those things are past,

and the memory of then is awakened by simple things and itremble.

My remedy, as always, is to cook.

A soup of old, frozen, fresh, pork ham bones,

cilantro,
lime,
black beans,

corn,

jalapeno peppers diced thin

and crisped, corn tortillas, cut in slices.

The bones cook down,

releasing their savory scent into the air

and it makes me feel better.

Cilantro brightens the air.

Now what is next?

Enchiladas!

Cheese, with my own sauce and done in a Tex-Mex style.

Now i am happy and those aches have left me.

Never let anyone tell you food does not heal, it does.

Winter Finally Arrives

2012-01-04T15:22:00.000-05:00

It was god awful cold
(what God has to do with awful, I donot know),

I wake up chilled,

It is hard to shake it off,

so I prepare a soup…

hearty, full of flavor
from frozen Thanksgiving’s turkey carcass
and frozen chicken stock
and frozen turkey stock.
The pot begins to boil and I turn it to a simmer.
It will keep until I return.

Tap, tap, tap goes my cane on the sidewalk.

There is no breeze,

so my many layers keeps me warm.

I hollow creak on boards (from the bridge we will not say)

And an echoing tap, tap, tap of my cane on the strongplanks.

Yesterday, nothing to do with winter,

A drill and a grind of a dentist in my mouth,
brought back unremembered terror
from an operation so long ago.
It was remembered deep in my soul,
The drill and the crack of bone,
And the dentist saw I was struggling
and asked continually if I was okay.
I was, I would reply
And I was, really
For I knew it was but a remembrance of a terror long ago,
so it seems,
Tho the aftermath I still feel.

I feel the cold today,

but it is January and we have been fortunate.

The frost of Christmas (?),

That should have been on Halloween (wait, there was snowthen).

I remain confused about what has transpired with theweather,

But it has been mild,

And I still had oregano from my garden

and chives

and cabbage leaves

but no more

for this is the first day of true cold

and winter has finally arrived

The question is...Why?

2012-01-04T05:38:00.006-05:00

Never "why me?",

but why.

Simple,

direct,

there is a mindful purpose in everything that happens.
It is used for good.

Yes, i believe that..

All things work together for good for those who arecalled...

Yes I believe that.

There is no mindless entity making a mockery of my life.

It all works together in ways i do not understand,
I do not have to have understanding,

I am but me.

So the "whys?" are answered by not knowing,

butbelieving.

The Buddhist say there is suffering in this world
and there is no doubt of this.
So why should i, in my own suffering, create more in myneighbor?
I strive not too.
This is not to become a better person,

tho that is what happens.

It is in some simple way to bring Glory to the One i trywith this feeble life to serve.

to do good, not evil.

Then the "why" becomes a statement,

answered with each breath i take.

lessons learned

2012-01-02T22:12:00.002-05:00

In view of conversations
there are things learned
and things to share.
In this current "Adventure" i find myself,
regarding the things that happened from the removal of the tumor in the back of my head,
I have never said "why me",
tho i believe i used to complain about my life before.
(how silly i was)
I have been frustrated and bewildered that i can not help as i want.
(there is a fix-it beast that runs amok in my heart many times)
I have wondered what i can do with what has happened
and i find that i am surprised at the encouragement i give..
i marval at that, truely, i do!
For perhaps, more than ever,
I see myself as the ugly duckling, who has not looked in the mirror as of late.
Why i believe that God uses us at any time and any circumstance,
I do not know,
but there is more to life than many make of it.
I do not wish statere among men,
nor recognition,
just to do what i can for whom ever is placed in my path.
I get taken for rides at time,
by those who want things from this world,
but it is not what i value
and it is those who value the little bit that i do, i seek.
How strange are the lessons then
and how marvelous!

The home cook advantage vs ethnic restaurants

2012-01-02T08:25:00.000-05:00

So i escape the wonder of my recent cage
I am left to ponder
and remember

On my list of places to go was Fiesta in Stamford, a Peruvian restaurant.
In my life i am fortunate to have people who are from various countries share their food with me.
As i ate at Fiesta, fairly unimpressed, i thought about this.
The meal was not bad, but was not memorable, but the why is more important than the how.
I was immediately comparing it to food prepared by a neighbor, for her Peruvian boyfriend and shared with me.
The home cook won hands down.
Thinking of a similar restaurant, but of Italian flavor, Rizzutos, did not have that disappointment, it was comparable to Italian home cooks i have know. I went with some of those and they enjoyed it also.
I thought back at my disappointment of EOS in Stamford, because i compared it to my mom's cooking (and my own)
I thought of my excitement at TAWA, because for the first time, Indian food tasted like a close friend of mine and her husband had shared with me.
I would not even talk about Mexican cuisine in Stamford - mostly, i will eat my own as will i eat my own Texas barbecue.
There are other ethnic restaurants i have been to, but have little to compare them to such as little Buddha and Kits kitchen and i often wonder if i would be disappointed if i knew a Thia home cook.

there will be no Resolutions for me

2011-12-30T22:12:00.001-05:00

there will be no resolutions for the New year,
not this year,
nor years past,
nor years future,
for God speaks,
even through a donkey
at times that are not of my own choosing.
Friends speak
when they see
and it is then i must make my resolve
to listen
and to change.
Life's lessons are man
and the time is never when we want
and so i remain ready
to hear
something new,
something some times painfuland change will come forth
or else i must learn the lesson yet again.

for a little while, i was missing

2011-12-29T06:14:00.003-05:00

my voice has been quiet,

in a struggle with darkness.

It was only the darkness of this world,

but it surrounded me

and sought to bring me down.

my thoughts became dark and i sought to run and hide.

yet i was fleeing those who could help

and did not know it.

It was as if in a dark valley,

and then the psalmist comforts me;

"yea. though i walk through the valley..."

no, it was not death,

tho it felt so.

it was not of loss,

but it felt so.

it was only of this world and its norm.

I escaped its cold grasp

as always

through the help of others

i still live

and breath

and sing,

and write yet again.

as always

and another lesson is learned.

The silence is deafening

2011-12-20T17:40:00.002-05:00

it was a quiet day at work,
too quiet.
Not that i was not busy,
but my ear began to hurt from the quiet.
Something was going on,
maybe in my heart,
maybe from being busy the past few days.
It was difficult.
There was a short bust where my heart was singing,
but the silence interrupted it,
i could not find in again.
This all was very strange,
I do not know....

I HAD HELP

2011-12-19T19:01:00.000-05:00

today was the day to finish my cookie baking - two more to make and i do not think i would have dome it with out help.
I had help Friday, but today i had 2 to help.

Daughter

mother

Koulourakia and my own style of Kourambiethes.
light and airy was the result.

Kourambiethes

Koulourakia

My friend Irene, is very experienced in the kitchen, but with Indian food. Her daughter was very good as well and i could not have done this with out them

the recipe is as follows...

Kourambiethes

(Joe's version)

1 cup whipped butter

1/3 cup raw sugar

2 teaspoons vanilla

1 teaspoon TANG

1 teaspoon orange peel (candied is okay) or zest

1 teaspoon anise flavor

1 teaspoon water

4 cups flour

1 1/2 cup pecans

1/4 cup powdered sugar

Beat the butter 30 seconds then add sugar and TANG and beattill fluffy.

Add zest or peel, nuts, orange and anise flavor and water.

Continue to beat until the mixture begins to “ball” into clumps. (Sometimes I need to addmore flour)

You may shape the cookie, keep in balls or “squashdown”. Your choice

Roll into balls and place on a baking tray and cook for 20minutes at 350º F.

The cookies will have the edges just brown.

They must cool before removing from tray (but not cold).

Place on tray and cover with powdered sugar.

Eat at room temperature.

creations

2011-12-19T10:29:00.000-05:00

With some help i went a bit out of the box and started with some old fashion anise type cookies (Old Italian)

Then of course to baklava

in the pan

Seeing whats in them

Karidopida (a nut cake)

I also made an odd assortmet, for fun, of various sugar/nut cookies (too sweet for me)

The baklava is not too sweet (even with the syrup)

2 more on my list today

inspiration

2011-12-16T08:12:00.002-05:00

I have taken the next few days off to bake.
It is here i am fluent (tho suspect i can't spell) Greek.
On my list is
baklava,
Kourambiethes,
karidopida,
Koulourakia.
I was able to make these only after the operation!
But my inspiration was/is my mom,
she, the old Greek baker, told me my baklava was the best she had eaten.
Since others said the same, it was not just the mother being proud of her son.

just for fun

2011-12-14T20:53:00.004-05:00

remembering good things...

Mixed

2011-12-13T22:18:00.002-05:00

As we aproach the Holidays,
i find my self shuttting down.
My mom feels very present
and this is a good feeling,
but i feel down,
more easily agitated than normal.
a bit more confused.
I am gaining pounds and i don't care
and i am not even eating badly,
but for me it is a sign of not caring.
I will get through this,
It is the first Christmas..I expected this,
but i will be okay.
I find tho in the positive
i have been saying NO to many people who want to demand of me.
They need to understand.

visitations

2011-12-12T17:25:00.001-05:00

Most of my flowers are salmon colored
(okay by most i mean, impatience. christmas cactus and Hybiscus),
As shown below,

But suddenly, there is red appearing...

My mom's favorite color was read...
I think she's hanging around...

its nice

Seeing through a glass darkly

2011-12-11T17:18:00.001-05:00

perhaps i understand that statement better than most...
Not that every thing i say is correct or even presented well,
but i feel
and sometimes think i understand...
for long time persons visiting this blog, you know that my background is of a Greek Orthodox.
but i do not speak or read Greek (i do know the alphabet, but because of science, not upbringing).
Never the less, i have an utmost respect for different beliefs and as the are called denominations.
I hear and see the different squabbles and i do not think of these "debates" as having anything to do with a spiritually,
I see my 2 cats, who had the same view of the world, same goals in life and same "owner", fighting over some perceived issue. they fought like 2 brothers and forgot about it after 9or when i intervened).
None of us know any thing fully.
We see,
as i saw through my Fresnel lens inserts,
distorted,
confused,
with a little bit of clarity that helped me make my way.
Even though, i see now more with my heart than any thing (even in my Environmental Blog)
and some times,
just some times.
i get it correct.

Mom's Minis

2011-12-10T08:55:00.001-05:00

Texas Farm

Colorado?

Hill Country Texas - Canyon Lake

Canyon Lake with bluebonnets

Cayon Lake with more blue bonnets

Colorado Ranch

Galveston - Winter time

Galveston Summer

The following are "minis" painted by my mom - they prove she was a much better artisit than i, they are all less than 4" x 6"

Still life - Early (1970's)

A little diversion or Curleys

2011-12-09T16:20:00.001-05:00

Yea, I went there.
I had not, you know.
Never before,
That little dive called "Curleys".
I respect them,
they fought eminent domain and won,
And I went and it was good.
A typical diner type place -
with the owners speaking Greek to a customer
(after all what diners in this area are not owned by Greeks?)
And the Wait staff and bus people speaking Spanish.
I wanted a burger, a simple burger, nothing fancy.
There are many burger places coming soon to Stamford -
5 Guys, The Station eats, Plan B Burger to name a few.
There are many places here now - Tiernan's - a nice Irish style pub,
Napa & company - for the Koby beef burger, even g/r/a/n/d has gone for burgers.
But i wanted something simple.
I got it medium - i think you can guess why...
But the burger came out - perfect - crispy, medium with juice, full of flavor and it was wonderful.
I ordered the plate, but could not finish all that was there,
but the hanburger had to be done with!

Thursday are not the best

2011-12-08T21:11:00.001-05:00

Thursdays are not good for me.
My eyes, from the strain at work,
are strained,
my mind, from the strain of my eyes,
is distracted.
My body, form both of the above,
is tired and i am not relaxed.
Thursday, i wake up later than even Fridays
and seem to hurry my self to get to work.
Work always seems like a jumble
and then there are more things that happen on Thursday,
of course!
I try to relax in the evening,
but i am still wound up,
yet i am tired.
These are the tough days.
Tomorrow, tho, is Friday!
And i do have my tree up!

Funny I took pictures of the tree, but can't find them - typical of a Thursday!

the fog came in ....

2011-12-06T15:33:00.001-05:00

The forbidden bridge...again

Down River

We had a full day of fog yesterday and rain today, but there are now some pictures i will paint when life gives me time....

It was dark enough that the flash kept wanting to kick in ,but then all i got were speckles...cause of the fog!

off the forbidden bridge

2011-12-04T09:50:00.001-05:00

A while back a state inspector declared this "purple bridge so hazardous that it could not be used for even pedestrian traffic. You should note one of the pictures, taken after the hurricane with all the debris back against it forcing large amount of pressure on this "unsafe" bridge. The report written made the bridge out to be so bad that the supervisor, reading the report declared "i won't let my cat cross. The city dutifully closed it off and with the current administration and economy, it has remained closed.

The geese still love this spot and come when called!

just random pictures

2011-12-02T15:36:00.001-05:00

Jake with his favorite duck

Cold, but still going...an early morning shot

i do not generally just post pictures..but today is different and so here are some more...

old camera, great effect from last year

the other side of the mirror

2011-12-01T16:05:00.001-05:00

yes, you "hear" all the rumblings of my heart here.
it is my way of "cleansing" my soul from the every day things of life,
because i live in this world,
but i do not feel part of it.
I wake up thankful.
It is a new day, i will rejoice and be glad in it.
there are so many good things to feel and see.
and i can,
i am not dead yet,
but i feel,
and think
and touch every thing in this life,
and it does affect me.
but i am not really changed
and i still look out for more than just me.
So read my struggles, for we all struggle in this life.
I embrace every thing that comes my way and try to learn.
know that i can be still and hear that still small voice that leads me where i should go...

what set this off

2011-11-30T15:52:00.001-05:00

My mom's parents (my grandparents)

my friends were not surprised by what i felt yesterday,
they expected it.
Packages (or rather boxes) had arrived the other day from Virginia...
yes, my mom's stuff,
more to go through.
Three boxes were easy.
The fourth hard,
the fifth, impossible.
Pictures and photos and things.
some brought back memories,
some i had never seen and i was in awe.
I will work my way slowly through those last two boxes
and then i will share.
It is after all, still the first year
and the first year without her.

an odity of life

2011-11-29T17:03:00.001-05:00

i want to be alone.
i want to be with people.
I want to be left alone,
I want to go some where....anywhere.
this is the strangeness i find myself in the middle of
and
     so
            i
                do
                     nothing.
why this strangeness,
i do not have a clue.
it exists...
i exist...
all in one very tight little corner.

gifts

2011-11-28T06:26:00.001-05:00

David has been introduced here previously,
actually many times, as i consider him a great support.
He was born with some brain damage (too much or too little oxygen at birth)
and does things a bit differently.
Now on this blog, you have seen some of my cooking attempts,
but i never claimed to be a baker
and as a matter of fact,
i am really bad at it (except when it comes to Greek pastries).
My recent pumpkin yeast bread was okay, but not great.
My next attempt at quick breads,
ended up with flat looking loaves because they fell after taking them out of the oven.
In comes David and does a beautiful cranberry quick bread,
He has that gift, i don't.
i will leave the baking to him.

David's wonderful cranberry bread....my what ever pumpkin try!

we both followed a recipe and then one i used, he has done before with success....oh well!

fire and ice

2011-11-27T16:26:00.001-05:00

Its warm for the end of November,
but the skies remind me of another place and time.
Texas...
before or rather just before a "Blue Norther" dropped the temperature 40 degrees.
It is November and very unseasonable as far as the temperature goes,
but the sky is beautiful.

almost got my head cleared

2011-11-27T11:55:00.001-05:00

but it did take 3 days off of work to do it.
It is strange that you do not realize the pressure that a job can place on you,
especially when you are truely still recovering or in a recovery stage.
The truth, i think some jobs will take you down no matter what.
Yesterday - i almost felt like painting again.
It is still there, gnawing at my heart, my soul,
but i can not describe what it is.
A flash of a vision or a picture.
A thought of a method or a thing i want to try.,
but "things" still get in the way.
Soon they will not - i hope.

funny things

2011-11-26T21:20:00.001-05:00

Every so often (and maybe not often enough), i check the followers.
What i am most surprized is the followers on my Environmental blog where i spout thing i believe to know about hings "environmental".
Know my knowledge is limited, but i am curious beyond belief and do not always think i am correct, but at least i have some supporting info.,
but then there seems to be some form of spiritual message going out (not that i mine, but think this is the blog that stuff comes out on more) because many of the links to some of the few folowers are very religious.
More than that, i find my "adventure" one of great learning.
Which leads me to my next bit of information which was that i got a chance to watch "Soul Surfer" in a rented movie last night.
I could not watch the part where the girl lost her arm to a shark, but the rest of the movie did remind me of my continued struggle with my head/eye thing.
There are advantages - i see more detail than ever in my life now, but then the confusion with the eyes also kicks in and i get by.
Strange - i still do more at work than the others i work with, but it is because i am interested in every thing.
i make mistakes, mostly because of misinformation that is passed along, but i get by.
A long rambling post tonight.
Lots going on in my heart.

Not a traditionalist

2011-11-25T16:37:00.001-05:00

Okay, maybe a bit, but i still do things differently!
I was invited over to a friend's house for Thanksgiving and a always ask what i can bring.
The answer was my corn bread.
My corn bread - why is it the first request?
It is a blending of my Greek heritage and where i grew up (Texas - with the Mexican influence).
It is moist, not crunchy and full of flavor.
Do i dare give out my secrets here?
Not yet, you have to beg, but i will say that the guest requested the remainder of the large pan stay at their house.
The other thing i did was smoke a salmon.
Now i recently heard that at a BBQ cook-off in Westport, the smoked Salmon presented was dry.
Not mine.
I have a special sauce with the base being a hickory off the self sauce, lemon and maple syrup.
The wood i used was maple.
30 minutes at 180 to 225 (the best i could control the fire) and all the other normal "smoking" parameters (indirect fire, moist heat).
My only "i wish i could have" was to crisp the skin, but there was no salmon left to take home.
The guest provided all the other regular Thanksgiving items.

Thankful reflections

2011-11-24T08:48:00.001-05:00

How strange it seems,
but i am thankful from the problems that call attention to things,
things to reflect,
things to learn,
things to through in the garbage.
It is a gorgeous day here in CT,
bright sun,
crisp air.
I am alive to see it,
feel it,
enjoy it!
Our doggy comes by, duck in mouth, to say good morning.
The "why" question is not a bad one, the "why me" statement is.
Maybe i was beginning to go there.
The "whining why", is also not good, i was beginning to go there.
Why does the child believe everything is their own fault?
They do, even if it is not.
Why do we blame our selves for things we have nothing to do with?
We do and blame leads to an attempt to control.
And when control fails (as it always does), it leads to frustration.
And the frustration leads to anger, which leads to rage and usually the wrong people get the brunt of that.
i have enough real battles to fight without going there.
I am thankful instead..

how does it work?

2011-11-22T21:13:00.001-05:00

You make a mistake,
big or small,
it pulls something deep inside of you.
The mistake is not longer the issue,
the lesson is.
The lesson is deeper than you could have ever imagined.
Something not resolved,
something which effects your life now
and in the past.
It is time for that to end, thus the mistake,
to draw attention,
to provide correction,
to show yet a better way.
It happens more often than not,
I do not like it at the time,
but it is better as time goes on.

understanding the difference between

2011-11-20T08:55:00.001-05:00

i have become more aware of a strange thing,
tho the trauma of the brain operation rattled my memory,
I remember things, but differently now.
After some time, i have given it a name...
heart remembering.
Even tho i can not figure out why i must do some thing.
i do it and find out it is because of some place deep in my heart that has been nudged.
It is strange to walk between the logical (right sided?) and the feel (left side).
I am begining to enjoy it.

What it means

2011-11-19T09:49:00.001-05:00

Listening to a news report about the congress woman from Arizona,
it has been a while since she was shot in the head
and survived...
The discussion on how frustrated she would get some times because she could not do what she used to...

I relate to that

No i did not get a bullet inteh brain,
but when they openned my skull to remove that tumor,
that was the same thing.

People finally are telling me it takes time, a long time to get over it.

i understand now
and it gives comfort.

following me

2011-11-18T17:38:00.001-05:00

There is no way to really describe this post...
Yea, my mom has been around,
as best as she can now.
At work there was suddenly a scent that was unmistakably her,
but you all know she passed the March.
The scent was unmistakable...
a bit of lipstick,
a bit of perfume,
a bit of a soap she used.
I have neveer smelled it any where else,
but on her...
and so she was around a bit after my birthday,
jsut watching over me....

was it the sauce?

2011-11-16T21:36:00.001-05:00

i pride myself in the hot sauces i concoct.
I have a Chipotle sauce with tequila, lime, salt and cilantro that i freeze to a slurry and serve that way.
i have an Italian hot sauce with the little green and red Italian peppers with olive oil and garlic
and i did a new one this year from the habanero peppers in my yard with lime and cilantro.
I had our very pregnant neighbor over with her 8 year olsd son for a simple dinner of hot dogs, Sauerkraut and garlic mashed potatoes. I gave her the hot sauce and that night her water broke and delivered a healthy baby girl that evening.
Was it the sauce or the hot dog?

a mixture of a day

2011-11-15T16:48:00.001-05:00

Today did not start off well,
or maybe it did.
I was remember what i do not want to ever forget,
yet the remembering is sometimes painful.
Finding something in plain sight after looking and not seeing last night.
The red skies in the morning,
brilliant and beautiful,
yet telling me of unsettled weather coming.
And then at work,
an argument with my boss,
but that is okay,
it was an argument on methodology and what is and is not important in a science thing.
I do not take it personally and i do not think he does either.
A new baby born to a neighbor,
this was really good.
Then information about something coming into Stamford from an actor and i think an Iron Chef.
Almost finishing a paper of well water in Stamford, my Novemebr update.
More interesting work and then Chinese for lunch.
All in all a good day.

watch the counter

2011-11-14T17:41:00.001-05:00

She pretends she doesn't know that it is there...

An apple

a pie,

a pice of chicken,

or just a cracker.

Then she strikes and nothing is safe.

We have our own "Counter" terrorist!

mornings are better

2011-11-13T09:39:00.001-05:00

my thoughts are clearer,
my heart more open.
I hear songs in the mornings,
quiet ones of encouragement and praise.
They are not from any radio.
I feel more and perhaps a bit more tenderness in my heart.
It is not that they are gone in theevening,
but my eyes are openned wider now.
Until i get busy.
Wonder at breathing and being alive.
At feeling and hearinging.
I do NOT want mornings to go away.
I want then to stay, to feel this way,
so near to the edge...of life and death.
It feels good.

On my day off, i cooked Texas smoked brisket and several times the fire went out in this cold aair, but an 8 hour time frame made it the best i have done!
A chocolate brown barbeque sauce (with no chocolate!) also worked just fine.
That is for tonight with garlic mashed potatoes and other such...

an older light show

2011-11-12T23:22:00.001-05:00

A wind,
a cold wind blew through here yesterday,
but today is just like a normal beautiful fall day.
The week has been good and i am relaxed with little more to say.
I have an older camera which i did capture some light in a strange and beautiful way,
This is what felt like today, tho this is from the summer.

remembering

2011-11-11T10:18:00.001-05:00

My Dad did not serve in the US military, but was
1) working for British intelligence before we were involved
2) Part of the French underground
3) Flew with the free French air force
4) Trained US pilots at the end of the war.
He was still a veteran, tho not a US vet.
He became a US citizen after WWII.
So i remember him well on this day.

A day off

2011-11-10T20:39:00.001-05:00

Coming tomorrow,
Veterns day,
a day of rememberance,
and i have so many things to remember...
So tomorrow,
a warm day in November...
Outside,
cooking brisket,
Texas Brisket that is,
for a last time of the season.
It has beenan eventful and wonderful week.
I think i gained a few pounds,
but it was worth it.
Pizza from yet another Stamford place -
such a little town and so much Pizza.
Cove this time
and it passed the cold pizza in the morning test...
a strange test that not many can pass.
Warmth from friends letting me pass this day of remembering ones no longer here.
A good day still
and more to come...

new day and better attitude

2011-11-09T17:54:00.001-05:00

As i knew it would be, it is my birthday offically today and it started good and stayed good!
And if my 34 out of 35 predictions stays true - we have a mild winter with maybe some early snow!

Tumbling

2011-11-08T17:07:00.000-05:00

I have had the great attitude,
but some where in the back of my mind,
I knew, i just knew, that there would be some darkness.
Why? i do not know,
What set it off?
A myriad of little things.
They add up.
Last year, my mom began to get sick and
i found myself taking care of her thebest i could.
My birthday and Christmas were kind of forgotten in the need that she had.
But thta was only a piece...some one elses bad mood.
Some one else not available.
Some one else who does not remember.
Not truely significant, each one,
but together they amounted to something that was dark.
and i fid myself groping for light.
The morning will come
and i will be okay,
but for this moment, it isdark.

inspiration, copyright, celebration

2011-11-07T21:59:00.002-05:00

How do i begin this post?
For many are writing as of late...
Why we blog...
That is easy -
for what started as just a random thing
became very specific regarding my journey of recovery, My Adventure as i call it.
that journey has not ended
and even if my sight were to return to normal tomorrow,
i would still be on that adventure...
For life is a treasure
and that brings me to the next portion...
For each of you who visits,
outspoken,
anonymous
or just silent...
is a treasure to me.
And as i visit, sometimes speaking, i am inspired by many things.
I keep treasures,
mementos of the visit for only me to know.
For those who worry about copyrights, I will not take and use with out express permission, i will ask.
But sometimes i take to view on a cold and dreary day,
to lift my heart.
They are stored safely and none else knows or sees.
So for so much inspiration, thank all of you.

And to the last portion -
last night i was taken to a favorite restaurant in Byram/Greenwich a Mexican inspired Tequilla bar (i had 2 margaritas and they were good), Lollitas.
Much food was had at our table - a Red Snapper delight (which i wish i had ordered),
a carne Assada to die for, steak quesadillas and a lime chicken. a smoked poblamo pepper soup was brought to the table and a marvelous pork taco.
I had a bitr of every ones food cause i forgot it was not Texas and ordered a brisket taco - which was good, but not the Texas brisket flavor i wanted.
It is a pricey place to eat and drink, but if you have the money, worth it.

playing with light - a closer look

2011-11-06T15:49:00.001-05:00

some closer shots of the autumn clors!

playing with light

2011-11-06T15:36:00.002-05:00

I have my camera a while and enjoy its digital features of storing many photos.
But i have something artistic in me and like playing.
These are my attempts on a beautiful, crisp and clear autumn day...
to play with sunlight!
Autumn is a perfect time - because of the colors.
Capturing a light beam is always a plus...

coming soon

2011-11-06T10:04:00.001-05:00

i tend to really enjoy my birthdays and i have one coming soon.
i do not think of "getting older", but of living another year.
I tend to celebrate all week and today was the begining.
Simple, easy - soft boiled eggs, butter, toast.
My mom would make this often in the mornings, so it has a special meaning,
but it is such a simple thing.
Yesterday - i made a pumpkin bread ( a real yeast bread with pumpkin).
I have never made yeast bread, but the chemist in me helped when i used an old flour and too much pumpkin (i adjusted it till it looked right)!

It came out very good and only one of three loafs is left (I did not eat the other two!)

I will never call myself a baker - it takes too much work, but icould get use to eat this!

More days to come and i am hoping for an Aurora for my birthday!

photos

2011-11-04T19:54:00.003-04:00

From the very tiny - crystals found in water seen under a polarized light (at various degrees)

to a Christmas cactus that can not tell the month

To the progression of color from my favorite Autumn tree - the "Autumn Scarlet"

smells like fall

2011-11-02T16:32:00.004-04:00

yes these are photos from October, but they fit today.

The surpise snow has gone,

Halloween is past.

It has finally started,

the air is crisp

and clean,

but there is an odor of fall leaves.

An unmistakable smell,

that feels good.

I love Autumn,

even for its breif time,

the color,

the smwlls,

the look.

I do not like what comes after, but am content in what is now.

Halloween not post postponed

2011-11-01T16:02:00.000-04:00

I found out late in the day that the city of Stamford "canceled" Halloween because of the downed power lines..
They never told me nor the numbers of children who came for candy last night...sigh!
Halloween was fun.
but now its done.
My lab is down and the candy is gone.
i hope all the children were as happy as i.
Now i look forward and think,
"They" were correct, the first year is the worst.
Coming to my birthday
and then thanksgiving
and then my mom's birthday
and Christmas
and New Years
and "little Christmas".
I have a grey edge surrounding me about those, almost like i do not want to celebrate.
I will not know until the time, cause i thought the same for Halloween and i was good with it,

these were the first cuties to come by

tho the excitement did not begin until the afternoon of...

Mking the best of it

2011-10-30T10:45:00.001-04:00

This will be more of a picture post above yesterday's snow!

Now the snow is scary!

dancing in the snow

enough already

snowball fight

More snowballs!

the stuff of parables

2011-10-29T20:18:00.001-04:00

I grew up hearing many parables or tales from my dad - French or German - they seam to be common in the European arena and the Ox tail soup reminded me of a favorite - called "golden eyes".
According to my dad's story - a french king would visit his subjects incognito, dressed as a simple hunter, often.
The story goes that he first visited one of his nobles, who did not recognize him and asked to stay the night.
The Noble puts him up in the stables with dirty hay for a bed and watered down soup for supper.
The next night he asks to stay at a peasant's house - who also does not recognize him, but gives him his own bed to sleep and for dinner, a rich and hearty soup, full of "golden eyes" or the fat from meat.
The story continues that when the king returned to his place, he calls the Noble and the peasant before him and tells the noble that the peasant treated him far better. Then instructs the noble to give the peasant a gold coin for each golden eye that the peasant's soup had in punishment for being such a poor host to strangers. Of course, there is a similar parable in the new testament - saying be kind to strangers for they may be angels.

Any way, tonight's soup did fit the definition of full of eyes!

baby its getting cold outside

2011-10-29T09:09:00.002-04:00

No, i do NOT like it, but it gives me opertunity to start doing my indoor cooking thing again.
I love the grill and the smoker,
but some of lifes truely great food comes from a slow cooker.
today i am preparing black beans - these will not be ready till tomorrow,
but i can wait.
The blend of spices mellowed by the black beans takes time.
chilies, cumin, beer, tomatoes, onion, cilantro, lime!
And of course - blacl beans.
A bit spicy, a bit sweet, a bit of acid, a bit of salt (sorry, no real bitter - the beer adds sweet)
Hearty!
Oh, but for tonight - there will be Ox tail soup - something my mom would make!
Usd to be the "peasant meal" because the beef tails were discaredNot any more!
The tail is full of flavor and mixed with the right vegtables - wonderful!
Maybe i will get pictures before it is all gone!

the start of Ox tail soup(stew?)

beggining the black beans

Now i am hungry it is time for breakfast!

That mood

2011-10-28T21:44:00.003-04:00

It is not the weather,
It is not the time.
There is more going on,
a sense of loss that seems to have aroused in my heart,
devouring joy.
Yes, it is in these times my heart opens wides.
The analytical mind must take a rest.
Not all is to be understood,
not all is calculable.
There are things deep,
deep in a heart that stir that are not fathomable to the mere intellect.
I smile, the chemist is not stirring and restless because he can not understand.
Joe is quiet in the knowledge that there are many things unknowable and finds peace...

Just helping

2011-10-26T19:10:00.003-04:00

I was assisting a friend on a school assignment where she track the nutritional value of the food she ate.
She happens to be Asian Indian and uses a lot of spices. I helped her track down the nutritional value of some of the spices she uses and was very amazed and interested.
I think the one that caught me most by surprise was cilantro: 300+% of the daily allowance of vitamin C in a cup. Okay more cilantro in my diet...Now!

images

2011-10-25T16:32:00.000-04:00

a shadow in the window

shade by the door

a glint on the side

movement that appears and the disappears.

Sunlight dancing, mokes me,

spilling off leaves and brances and an thing shiney.

I see,

i don't see.

Someone or thing just out of the corner of my eyes.

A ghost, a goblin or just an image created by the prisms that are now my eyes?

This makes the world so much more interesting than the clarity of my mind!

Ah, it is time for THAT anniversary

2011-10-24T22:34:00.001-04:00

Okay 3 years ago, I was out of the hospital (after 2 months), but still with major head swelling from the operation that took the tumor out of my head.
I still had double vision (okay, i still do) and the doctor thought things might improve if he put a shunt in my body to relieve the swelling.
I was in and out of the hospital in one day for that portion, but of course, that began a new adventure because it was that operation that caused me to lose too much CSF (cerebral Spinal Fluid) and have my brain turn concave and for me to lose cognition for a month and memories for most of a year....
But i did survive!
and i came back even stronger than ever!
and i am still going!
No wonder my mood is a bit strange...

Still in my strange place

2011-10-24T19:23:00.001-04:00

it is almost meloncoly,
i look and i see fall slowly approaching.
It is not coming with a bang, but with a crawl.

The mixture of fall and summer are every where!
And i still have impatients blooming!

(though not for long i am sure).

The eye of a needle...

2011-10-23T09:38:00.002-04:00

3 times,
not once,
not twice,

but three times i threaded this needle.
Yes it is a large one, but still...
The inspiration came from my mom,
who was still able to thread a needle,
even with "Bad" eyesight in her last year of life.
And what did i do with this needle and thread you may ask...
thread some very hot peppers to hand to dry!
Habenero peppers on the right, ghost peppers on the left.

too soon after...

2011-10-21T15:53:00.002-04:00

This will be a kind of strange post – possibly to match my mood of yesterday.

For today I found out that our Health Director's Mother passed away on Tuesday

And I found myself hating death,

the separation that it causes;

the pain of loss.

Of course I remember this way too vividly,

for me this is still fresh.

I remember the numbness as my closest friends walked me through everything, truly holding my hand.

For those of you who have experienced this you know what it is.

You also know it gives way to good memories and fondness of a life well lived….

But everything takes time.

strange day

2011-10-20T16:43:00.001-04:00

it was a strange day,

some phone cals and walk ins of the unusual variety,

but that did not make it strange.

Finding paperwork, i thought was lost,

that did not make it strange.

Waking up too early, to sounds of machines and equipment down the street,

but that was not all that strange, just irritating.

It was me, i was in a strange mood, with my mind sometimes working too well,
sometimes not functioning at all.
There were many times i had lots of light heartness,
some times creeping up to a border of being outlandish.
Some one eating something smelling so good, wanting to pounch and take it away...
joking with another,
helpng someone else,
talking to strangers and friends in this light hearted manner.
Liking the weather, thinking that this 60 something weather is nice,
when i was complaining about it being too cold last week.
Enjoying a fall day and thinking:
"I should be at the addicks resivior, hunting dove with my dad."

it was that i was strange today...

The Butterfly

2011-10-17T21:55:00.000-04:00

Returns yet again

Dancing in the wind.

Tumbling,

Soaring,

Flitting around in a frenzied dance,

A blur.

can you see him?

Just for a moment stopping for a drink.

and then off again into the wind.

Hurry,

hurry,

for it is getting cold

and you must be off to a warmer climate.

but today is perfect

and the wind lets you sail away.

faithful visitor

2011-10-15T22:14:00.000-04:00

Before the end of fall
ready for a long trip ...

South.

Every year they come to feast on nectoar.
I got a good picture this time.

The chili contest

2011-10-15T16:04:00.002-04:00

i go to support the food bank.
I go to have fun.
I go to share my idea of good chili.

Again I did not win a prize, but everything above was true.

A morning, not the best of mornings

2011-10-13T17:10:00.002-04:00

This morning started poorly...
yes it was those facts and figures and graphs and such at work.
My eyes - they were bothering me,
but that was one issue that i could resolve - that meant they were still getting better.
But the frustration while trying to use them!
Frustration - am i the only one looking at things?
Things were missing -
things that i probably would have missed because of my struggle during this long recovery.
Nevertheless, they were missing.
Then one visitor
and another
and still one more
- all work related, but each gave me a bit of relief.
one with information i did not have
another just encoraging me
another with samples, but with a friendly chat.
It made all the problems fade,
not to insignificance,
but they faded anyway!

I finished what i started on and it is now posted on the "other" blog.

It was a good day after all.

The message this week

2011-10-12T15:11:00.001-04:00

It is a slow season at work
(always September and October, always)
and so to keep myself busy i analyze information i have
(this has kept me out of real trouble as i have been known to be mischevious when bored).

In the middle,

i find

i am content many times

not to know.

So while my analyical brain processes and figures
there is now a side that can sit back and say:
"I do not know, it happened and i have no explaination for it!"
This was very good for me after the operation,
(I never asked why i got the tumor, but i did ask why i lived.)

numbers

and figures

and graphs.

I am good at this,

but they do not really help living.

They do not help with compasion

they do not help with love.

so i hear this message,

now

several times

this week

When you do not know
Whne you do not understand
File it in the "i don't know file".
God is bigger than all that we know.

I like that.

it gives me comfort

and joy

and a reason to live.

We have finished with 4 days of beautiful Indian summer, it is getting cooler now...

I might not win...

2011-10-11T20:59:00.002-04:00

But i am going to have fun trying...

OCt 15th 1-3 PM Unitarian Church at Forest Street... Be there!

The start

Add

My first secret weapon!

First finish

Next!

Now it takes time and patience!

And you thought you knew why...

2011-10-09T10:22:00.000-04:00

Every one thinks that tomorrow is the holiday celebrating "Columbus Day", they are wrong.
Tomorrow is a special day because it is my 32nd anniversary with the City of Stamford as there investigative analytical chemist (that is the actual job, but the title is lab tech).
Those 32 years have been full in every way one can imagine.
I have learned much, i have done much, i have accomplished much.
In all of those years i have tried to do the impossible - of being totally non-political in my work, maintaining a balance between knowledge, investigation, concern for others well being and compassion.
I have irked supervisors and mayors, the public, coworkers and the US EPA.
Mostly i have given the most honest and straight forward answers that i could.
I have been wrong on some occasions and not been helpful on others.
I have been misguided by supervisors and agencies "above" me.
I have been continually challenged by the same.
Many, many more times than not, i have been vindicated in my perceptions and conclusions in the environmental field by time.
Many times those conclusions have been adopted as policy or recommendations locally, state wide and nationally.
I many times "ring the bell" when i see something come on the horizon. Many times, i am ignored until it comes to fruition.
I do not say i told you so, but i do feel vindicated.
I have no problem changing my view, if evidence shows me something else.

So tomorrow, when there are "celebrations" about some old explorer many centuries before, know that this is really a celebration of me.
Thank you!
i am not too conceited!

waiting

2011-10-08T08:45:00.000-04:00

listless,
without direction or energy,
fall approaches.
Fall or Autumn haas wonterful memories for me, but this year ...
i am blah.
I dread the winter, the holidays, there is a foreboding that i can not describe.
It shrouds my feelings and perceptions this morning and last night.
To escape and yet i am bound.
Thee is no stout resolution that i can pretend to have,
just a quiet resignation.

This sounds mighty down, doesn't it?
It will leave soon....

Just as the leaves with the slightest hint of color, will also.

Now i bring in my special plants, the ones which will not even survive an Autumn night!

Out side

Now inside! soon to lose flowers and leaves!

The price of progress

2011-10-05T17:01:00.002-04:00

There is a saying,
and i do not want to look it up right now,
that healing comes from pain.
So it is with my eyes,
not real pain, but discomfort.
What makes me feel good and see well,
is not what is best for my eyes.
What my docotor did with my glasses, seemed to cause discomfort...
they did not seem right or correct.
Something was wrong,
but that was not the case...
the progress was due to the "discomfort"
and progess comes at a price!

Out on Staurday night

2011-10-03T20:20:00.001-04:00

It was a good Saturday to go out and so off to Fin II we went, where i have never been disappointed. My friend ordered a "cooked" Special (as opposed to the sushie/sashimi i love) of Red Snapper and gave it a 2 tumbs up.
Then did a little recon around and was surprised to see a number of people at Riviera Maya. Although when i was there, it was not bad, just not outstanding, others , who i trust, went there and found it to be very disappointing. So i went in and had an drink and an appitizer. it was not bad, but i think a bit pricey for taquitos. My especial margarita was very good (jalepeno), but the person with me was disappoint in the Margarita they had (no liquor, to speak of).
It was chilly, but there is a night life in Stamford

Every thing in a name

2011-10-02T20:27:00.001-04:00

Talking on the phone at work regarding work things, i often find out different things.
The other day, someone trying to spell my last name, said it was German for art.
Since i did mostly the technical German in school, that was not a word i ran across, so i looked it up.
Well the last name is close - kunst - is the German for art - mine is just different - Kuntz. Now my last name is Alsatian, which does match the ethnicity, so maybe a slight misspelling somewhere in history...
Fun!

Signs of Fall aproaching

2011-10-01T13:08:00.001-04:00

Yes, there is a mild crispness in the air, but that occurred in lat August as well.
The fruits in the store have changes, crisp apples and pears.
There was a tree i passes the other day and at first glance, i thought there were oranges,
but no those were orange leaves.
My favorite small tree, the Autumn scarlet, on the north side of the house is beginning to turn also.

The most tell sign, tho, are the frantic dances of the honey bees, drawing the last sweetness from everywhere, even my sweet coffee!

still going

2011-09-29T16:11:00.001-04:00

A thousand titles for this, but the reality is that i am still in therecovery phase of the whole thing with the eyes.
Many issues were worrying me, but it turns out that some was due to improvement...now over 3 years since the operation.
This is not something that is typical, but prob\pted the doctor to tell me she expects still more by summer.
Wo!
I can say little more...

Stamford Restaurants - the proliferation of "Mexican"

2011-09-24T18:26:00.001-04:00

The word Mexican is in parenthesis for a reason...
I cook at little Mexican, but is more Tex-Mex than anything - iNever needed anything else because growing up there was just so much very, very good Mexican food around me (in Houston).
Then i came to Stamford and there was nothing...I mean nothing.
A few years later i found two that could pass and they are still in buisness, nothing fancy, just simple everyday Mexican and in a style that i was familiar with.
Now suddenly there are 6 new "Mexican" restaurants - I can not stand any of them.
Maryann's - Good place to get drunk - margaritas are okay - i found the food to be tasteless.
Riviera Maya - a step up from Maryann's, but still issues with taste - one other friend called it horrible - i did not find it horrible, but not great
Bar Rosa - I have not been there and do not know anyone who has.
Lolas - I also have not been there, but again i noticed it is absent from OmNomCT .
Now we get a new player - Picante - They opened last week and gave out samples of Chips and salsa during the Bedford Street Festival. Based on that taste, i won't be back. Perhaps i am unfair.
And soon to open, Bar Taco on lower Summer St.
If i am in Stamford, I think i will stick to the following - The Taco Truck near Yerwood center - very, very good, simple California style Mexican
Ole Mole - very good Moles - well put together and taste!
Tacos Guadalajara - simplicity at its best for a Mexican taste.

Outside of Stamford there are many good ones and there are a few smaller places i have not gone, but the new set is the pits!

I am only cook, not a chef - The chili cook-off

2011-09-23T17:09:00.001-04:00

Many times you will see different recipes posted - my creations and they are good, but that is on a good day and i have more bad than good.
When i cook well, i do not have an equal..when i don't...call Dominos!

Anyway the purpose of this is for all those who see me posting about food at restaurants. A chef does things every day and is a professional, i do not profess to be that. Neverthe less, when some restaurant serves something i cook, it better be at least as good as my best or else they will hear about it!

Anyway, talking of cooking, my house it filled right now with the smell of raosting garlic and i am think of the chili contest to sponser the lower Fairfield County food bank on October 15th From 12 to 3 at the Unitarien Church on 20 Forest St (across fron the Avon). They will ask for a donation of non perishable food or cash to be a judge/participant/taster.

I will make more so i can get to the 3 Pm end time!

This is me and Irene Hahn last year

This is the day to post

2011-09-23T16:58:00.001-04:00

It is a rainy, misty type day and i figured that i would show-off my insect collection

Almost in time for Halloween

Getting the last of the nectar

Cicada Killer - formidable looking, but harmless

A mighty traveler preparing to leave!

Mill River Park

2011-09-23T15:26:00.000-04:00

The Mill River Park, "as is" , without carousel or ice skating rink or other man made obstruction is very inviting.

In The Early Morning!
Note the native fall flowers in purple

This is the "Purple" Pedestrian bridge - closed by a state inspector for some odd reason - note that it is with standing much debris left by the Hurricane and Tropical storm damage - much more of a problem than a few pedestrians!

Anticipation and nervousness

2011-09-21T14:48:00.001-04:00

perhaps two sides of the same coin, but his is what i am feeling..
I have 2 docotor appointments next week - one will do a blood test and the final determination of the sideeffect fro the triglyceride medicne "Trichlor' will be decided. Additionally we will see if the fish oil suplement is effective on my diet.
Of course i don't and that is the thing - my emotions just do not support a "diet" in any sence of the word.
The other will be again with the glasses - still am unconvinced that the lenses are not switched and want real proff. my balance stability has been poor and that does not help things.
So with trepidation, next week is doctor week.

Red skies in the morning

2011-09-18T16:17:00.004-04:00

Following this Red sun we had wind, rain and cold (below 50 weather) and i began to think of fall.

This does not life my spirits.
This does not make me happy.

The colors of fall are beautiful, but i still want to bask in the sun.

A dream last night

2011-09-17T10:03:00.002-04:00

I was with friends
In this distance i see my mom and her sister getting in to her van.
I tell my freinds "let's go have luch with them".
As we approach the dream ends.
I did not want it to end,
I was so sad...
I guess she will be with me always now,
just out of reach.

Medicine man

2011-09-15T20:11:00.001-04:00

well not really.
As my garden begins to fade, it find i am left with the seeds and leaves of some of the plants that have been traditionally used for medicine.
Anise -the seeds with a strong licorice flavor, was traditionally brewed as a tea to calm a stomach and relieve mild respiratory distress in Greece. My mother passed that on to me and i use it.
The chemistry of it also includes a high vitamin C contant and a mild laxitive.
Mint -Sperment especially is used in cooking all over the world, but makes a wonderfully relaxing tea and the chemistry - menthol relaxes lungs in small doses.
Dill - another wonderful spice, but looking at the seeds, i am seeing a possibility of some insecticidal properties - for flies! Dead ones seem to be trapped in the mass of seeds as they dry.
My neighbors are ll excited as i collect and dry or procss each, because the history is well known for each of them.

The Mill River Park

2011-09-13T17:13:00.002-04:00

So it seems there is to be some sort of ground breaking ceremony soon.
This is now the stage where they change a beautiful park into a circus 9again, the big apple was here).
The paln to put an ice skating rink and carosel and other things (that people will need to pay for to use) Is now to begin and the beautiful park for us to enjoy will be gone...
I am not happy.

Garden Bounty

2011-09-10T10:21:00.001-04:00

Here in CT, it is coming to the end of all harvests - cucumbers have stoped, tomatoes do not look good, basil if finishing, but my pepers are still going strong!
small red italian peppers
1 red anahiem
3 poblabo
2 larger italian green peppers
tomatos, oregano and basil

Also the Hybiscus (i over winter every year) is doing really good!

Farm Markets and food safety

2011-09-06T17:39:00.001-04:00

This is a tough call and will probably post in both my blogs.
I love Farmer Markets - items from local farms are always my favorites. The produce is usually fresher than any thing i can get in the store. My preference is to shop for my vegetable and fruits at a farm market.
The new thing is to have other things at the markets and while i have no problem with bread and olives and soaps and other things of the like - poultry products and meats and dairy seem to be mishandled by these same people.
Like with everything, i always wash what i buy because transport is a problem no matter what.

The picture shows Quiche in a cooler - no ice, there was no thermometer and the sun was on it...
I do not want to get sick!
Not for me

A shout out

2011-09-06T17:26:00.000-04:00

Since the end of May, i have had an "intern, a high school student senior, working with me in the lab.
This has been one of the most pleasant experiences i have had with an intern.
She learned quickly, took guidance well and did all that was asked with a minimum of direction or supervision.
She plans to become a doctor.
She will be one.
This has been a rare pleasure for me to have someone so interested and today she showed the true meaning of learning by teaching a new intern, who will take her place, how to do what she learned!
Rare to find and wonderful.