2 things,
one last year,
the other 10 years past.
They shook me more than i expected,
THE operation (the one that messed with my brain)
and moving to Virginia.
I am well with them both...
now, but
they caused much trouble for awhile,
for they were unsettling.
Honestly, i became very depressed
and it took some time
and some medication to get through.
I am on the other side now and so can be thankful.
Showing posts with label The Adventure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Adventure. Show all posts
Friday, August 10, 2018
Wednesday, September 27, 2017
good news
so the adventure does not begin again,
the second MRI,
shows no tumor,
only things that should be monitored,
but are of no significant concern!
WHEW!
the second MRI,
shows no tumor,
only things that should be monitored,
but are of no significant concern!
WHEW!
Saturday, June 10, 2017
rewriting the end of the story
Not long ago,
i thought i would not live to see 60 years old...
i am 62 now,
but the reasons were because of how poorly,
i felt in the recovery phase of my operation.
that lasted 7 years.
i felt poor physically.
i felt poor mentally
and i had given up,
but there was still a spark,
somewhere deep inside,
that would not give up.
Some time in that process,
i began attending a very stogy, old episcopal church,
anglo catholic in tradition
and service,
with a priest who did not fit the conventional "norms".
Healing services after service
and on Wednesdays.
There were no lightning bolts,
but a slow gradual process.
I slowly felt better
and i will blame or credit,
God working through all of that "musty" tradition.
I am glad.
It is wonderful.
No i can not see straight.
i still wobl=le as i walk,
so that i must use a cane.
the 2 plus years that were taken from my memory are still gone
and i get reminders now and again,
but my attitude has changed
and i feel better.
i thought i would not live to see 60 years old...
i am 62 now,
but the reasons were because of how poorly,
i felt in the recovery phase of my operation.
that lasted 7 years.
i felt poor physically.
i felt poor mentally
and i had given up,
but there was still a spark,
somewhere deep inside,
that would not give up.
Some time in that process,
i began attending a very stogy, old episcopal church,
anglo catholic in tradition
and service,
with a priest who did not fit the conventional "norms".
Healing services after service
and on Wednesdays.
There were no lightning bolts,
but a slow gradual process.
I slowly felt better
and i will blame or credit,
God working through all of that "musty" tradition.
I am glad.
It is wonderful.
No i can not see straight.
i still wobl=le as i walk,
so that i must use a cane.
the 2 plus years that were taken from my memory are still gone
and i get reminders now and again,
but my attitude has changed
and i feel better.
Friday, February 3, 2017
i have been trying to understand
No, i never do "politics,
ever!
I love being with people.
I love being alone.
Are they truly opposites,
or simply different sides of the same coin?
I have accepted all the things that have happened to me,
even tho i struggle to accept the condition it has left me.
Some one read something to me,
from something i was very familiar with,
yet presented in a different way.
The story was of someone who was considered great,
Paul of Tarsis,
some 2000 years ago.
He had a handicap,
which is rarely spoken of
and the interpretation said he was thankful for this issue,
and considered it a gift.
That is too much for me,
yet the person who spoke these words to me,
has lived with a significant handicap,
all of his life
and i have struggled only 8 plus years.
A gift,
that is running through my mind constantly now.
Along with other challenges to the way i think
or feel.
There is nothing more but growth in front of me
and i shall continue on.
ever!
I love being with people.
I love being alone.
Are they truly opposites,
or simply different sides of the same coin?
I have accepted all the things that have happened to me,
even tho i struggle to accept the condition it has left me.
Some one read something to me,
from something i was very familiar with,
yet presented in a different way.
The story was of someone who was considered great,
Paul of Tarsis,
some 2000 years ago.
He had a handicap,
which is rarely spoken of
and the interpretation said he was thankful for this issue,
and considered it a gift.
That is too much for me,
yet the person who spoke these words to me,
has lived with a significant handicap,
all of his life
and i have struggled only 8 plus years.
A gift,
that is running through my mind constantly now.
Along with other challenges to the way i think
or feel.
There is nothing more but growth in front of me
and i shall continue on.
Thursday, November 17, 2016
Simple Things - reflections
As i was making my bed,
after washing all the sheets and such,
I froze in my tracks,
remembering....
It was 8 years ago,
about this time,
after coming out of the 2 month stay in the hospital.
After the "shunt" was placed in me,
to reduce the swelling in my head.
i was home
and slowly i began to lose,
what i call cognition.
My brain no longer was functioning
and i was in the midst,
of learning still one more lesson.
I stopped as i complete my task,
just yesterday
and marveled
and was thankful,
for it was 8 years ago,
i forgot how to even "fix" the bed,
after a night sleep.
Those simple things,
that once i could not do,
I am able to do again
and i am reminded,
that we must always be thankful for the little things!
after washing all the sheets and such,
I froze in my tracks,
remembering....
It was 8 years ago,
about this time,
after coming out of the 2 month stay in the hospital.
After the "shunt" was placed in me,
to reduce the swelling in my head.
i was home
and slowly i began to lose,
what i call cognition.
My brain no longer was functioning
and i was in the midst,
of learning still one more lesson.
I stopped as i complete my task,
just yesterday
and marveled
and was thankful,
for it was 8 years ago,
i forgot how to even "fix" the bed,
after a night sleep.
Those simple things,
that once i could not do,
I am able to do again
and i am reminded,
that we must always be thankful for the little things!
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
so...what happened?
careful, i wish to choose my words,
for to use the wrong ones,
would make everything sound flippant.
I was careful,
seeking,
searching,
meditating,
praying.
Answers did not come tumbling out of the sky,
but formed deep with in my soul.
I had been complaining....
every pain,
every problem,
every struggle,
seem so insurmountable
and i did want to give up,
but that could not happen.
I was looking so hard at the struggles,
that every sway,
every mistake.
every pain,
became a vast ocean,
for me to drown my self in.
I manage to forget the good,
by dwelling on the bad.
My physical issues,
have not changed,
my vision issues,
have not changed,
my memory issues have not changed,
but i have
and all those issues are lessened by an incredible degree.
So for this part of my adventure,
i am at peace again.
for to use the wrong ones,
would make everything sound flippant.
I was careful,
seeking,
searching,
meditating,
praying.
Answers did not come tumbling out of the sky,
but formed deep with in my soul.
I had been complaining....
every pain,
every problem,
every struggle,
seem so insurmountable
and i did want to give up,
but that could not happen.
I was looking so hard at the struggles,
that every sway,
every mistake.
every pain,
became a vast ocean,
for me to drown my self in.
I manage to forget the good,
by dwelling on the bad.
My physical issues,
have not changed,
my vision issues,
have not changed,
my memory issues have not changed,
but i have
and all those issues are lessened by an incredible degree.
So for this part of my adventure,
i am at peace again.
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
i have said it before
i will repeat my self,
often;
this is an adventure that i am on.
A strange and some times odd road,
of recovery, still after almost 8 years.
i have ups
and i have downs,
after all that is what an adventure is.
Some times i take a wrong turn
and have to back track.
Some times i feel miserable
and others elated.
Today,
for the moment,
i am clear
and coherent in my thought.
May be not in a few minutes,
but i will take what i can have,
now.
When i am stymied
and the world seems to to dark
and my words seem to be drained of hope,
gently remind me that i am on an adventure.
I will respond.
In the depths of my heart,
i know,
but some times my strength wanes.
That is true of all of us,
who seek MORE.
Even that small thing,
like holding an empty glass,
as small as it may seem,
will tire the strongest of us,
when held in an outstretched arm,
for an undetermined length of time.
often;
this is an adventure that i am on.
A strange and some times odd road,
of recovery, still after almost 8 years.
i have ups
and i have downs,
after all that is what an adventure is.
Some times i take a wrong turn
and have to back track.
Some times i feel miserable
and others elated.
Today,
for the moment,
i am clear
and coherent in my thought.
May be not in a few minutes,
but i will take what i can have,
now.
When i am stymied
and the world seems to to dark
and my words seem to be drained of hope,
gently remind me that i am on an adventure.
I will respond.
In the depths of my heart,
i know,
but some times my strength wanes.
That is true of all of us,
who seek MORE.
Even that small thing,
like holding an empty glass,
as small as it may seem,
will tire the strongest of us,
when held in an outstretched arm,
for an undetermined length of time.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
further explanation is needed
I understand confusion.
I understand the Confusion i have presented.
Brain trauma,
such as what i experienced twice 7 years ago,
is the cause,
not something new.
As i have struggled to make sense of my life,
after the situation
- oh, for those who do not follow,
the removal of a tumor in my brain,
pressing against my brain stem.
It is gone,
but i have struggled to make sense of the physical issues,
the operation left me with.
It is time now to deal with the issues the next procedure caused.
A shunt,
placed to remove excess cerebral spinal fluid,
which accumulated at the site of the operation,
kept working after its job was done.
For one month, I continued on,
unchecked by a doctor,
until i fell
and in the hospital,
they sought answers.
When they shut off that shunt
and "I" returned,
there were things missing,
memory,
but it was partial loss,
not total.
The first knowledge I had was not remembering my passwords.
The second was more traumatic,
for someone came to me claiming they knew me in the hospital
and i had no recollection
and they went away in tears.
The third caught me off guard,
for I had returned to work
and a state inspector came,
telling me it had been three years since our last inspection.
I argued with him saying it had been five,
but then looked it up,
in a written file
and there,
in black and white was the date,
three years past.
I was still making sense of my vision
and balance
and pain
and so did not dwell on it,
but it still haunts me.
Every so often,
I find things that are simply gone
and i have trouble dealing with that
and dates.
I found answers,
for the Mayo clinic defines what i have well.
Amnesia
There is no ongoing problem,
it all occurred back then
and now i get to get a handle on this.
I look forward to this next past of my adventure.
I understand the Confusion i have presented.
Brain trauma,
such as what i experienced twice 7 years ago,
is the cause,
not something new.
As i have struggled to make sense of my life,
after the situation
- oh, for those who do not follow,
the removal of a tumor in my brain,
pressing against my brain stem.
It is gone,
but i have struggled to make sense of the physical issues,
the operation left me with.
It is time now to deal with the issues the next procedure caused.
A shunt,
placed to remove excess cerebral spinal fluid,
which accumulated at the site of the operation,
kept working after its job was done.
For one month, I continued on,
unchecked by a doctor,
until i fell
and in the hospital,
they sought answers.
When they shut off that shunt
and "I" returned,
there were things missing,
memory,
but it was partial loss,
not total.
The first knowledge I had was not remembering my passwords.
The second was more traumatic,
for someone came to me claiming they knew me in the hospital
and i had no recollection
and they went away in tears.
The third caught me off guard,
for I had returned to work
and a state inspector came,
telling me it had been three years since our last inspection.
I argued with him saying it had been five,
but then looked it up,
in a written file
and there,
in black and white was the date,
three years past.
I was still making sense of my vision
and balance
and pain
and so did not dwell on it,
but it still haunts me.
Every so often,
I find things that are simply gone
and i have trouble dealing with that
and dates.
I found answers,
for the Mayo clinic defines what i have well.
Amnesia
There is no ongoing problem,
it all occurred back then
and now i get to get a handle on this.
I look forward to this next past of my adventure.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
the why of looking at loss
I have been surprised,
way too many times lately,
when i find that blank spot in my memory,
of things that i should know,
but it is blank.
i now understand,
that these will not come back,
but are gone forever.
What does that say to me?
I have choices,
I can wallow in the despair that this loss brings me
or i can decide to learn again
The doctors have determined,
that the damage that was done,
is over,
but they can not see memory,
only how my brain functions now.
So, I can look at this in a positive,
exhilarating light
or not.
I like the challenge,
i like to learn.
I am not going to stop because,
what i once knew,
is no longer there.
I will relearn
and put my effort forward,
not backward.
Brain trauma sucks the big one,
but it does not have to remain so.
way too many times lately,
when i find that blank spot in my memory,
of things that i should know,
but it is blank.
i now understand,
that these will not come back,
but are gone forever.
What does that say to me?
I have choices,
I can wallow in the despair that this loss brings me
or i can decide to learn again
The doctors have determined,
that the damage that was done,
is over,
but they can not see memory,
only how my brain functions now.
So, I can look at this in a positive,
exhilarating light
or not.
I like the challenge,
i like to learn.
I am not going to stop because,
what i once knew,
is no longer there.
I will relearn
and put my effort forward,
not backward.
Brain trauma sucks the big one,
but it does not have to remain so.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
understanding loss
i remember the surprise in my heart,
the first time i realized that "things" were gone.
Not unlike when some one breaks into your home and robs,
but this was my memory.
The doctors did tests,
but found nothing wrong,
but there was.
People look at you with strange eyes,
when you do not know them,
but not all of them.
Things do not make sense,
for there is no way of knowing,
what is lost.
Friends expect,
but you do not meet that expectation.
It is not their fault,
it is not mine.
Things that are gone,
are simply gone.
Do not ask me to code in COBOL, FORTRAN or PASCAL,
tho i once knew them well.
Dates are confusing,
even for the operation.
I learn again,
what i have forgotten.
It is not relearned,
for it is new to me.
Have patience i ask,
that is all i ask.
the first time i realized that "things" were gone.
Not unlike when some one breaks into your home and robs,
but this was my memory.
The doctors did tests,
but found nothing wrong,
but there was.
People look at you with strange eyes,
when you do not know them,
but not all of them.
Things do not make sense,
for there is no way of knowing,
what is lost.
Friends expect,
but you do not meet that expectation.
It is not their fault,
it is not mine.
Things that are gone,
are simply gone.
Do not ask me to code in COBOL, FORTRAN or PASCAL,
tho i once knew them well.
Dates are confusing,
even for the operation.
I learn again,
what i have forgotten.
It is not relearned,
for it is new to me.
Have patience i ask,
that is all i ask.
Friday, April 8, 2016
how i present myself
some times,
here,
in this blog,
which is a special place...
for me,
I share all of my deep struggles with this "adventure of mine".
People reading may or may not think i am whining.
Maybe I am,
but it is only here,
for when i am out and about,
despite the cane,
i apparently do not present as a person with much of a problem.
Yesterday,
with a close friend,
I had one of those episodes that define my struggle
and there are several.
A small piece of food gets stuck in the esophagus,
causing my salivary glands to go into over dive
and i start to spit up...what ever.
For me it is embarrassing,
for them...a reminder that i am not well still,
but otherwise they forget and
have told me so, often.
So despite any whining here,
in real life,
that is not what i do.
I think i am better for it.
here,
in this blog,
which is a special place...
for me,
I share all of my deep struggles with this "adventure of mine".
People reading may or may not think i am whining.
Maybe I am,
but it is only here,
for when i am out and about,
despite the cane,
i apparently do not present as a person with much of a problem.
Yesterday,
with a close friend,
I had one of those episodes that define my struggle
and there are several.
A small piece of food gets stuck in the esophagus,
causing my salivary glands to go into over dive
and i start to spit up...what ever.
For me it is embarrassing,
for them...a reminder that i am not well still,
but otherwise they forget and
have told me so, often.
So despite any whining here,
in real life,
that is not what i do.
I think i am better for it.
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
who i am
or is it "who am i?"
i no longer know,
i have bursts of clarity and purpose
and then confusion and chaos reign.
Clarity and analytical thought,
coupled with a song in my heart.
(that is poetry, you see.
Then mists and fog and clouds creep in
and i wonder where i am.
This is who i am,
or not.
That delicate balance between mind and heart,
some times gets lost
and so do i.
When i am able to sing these words,
i know i am fine.
i no longer know,
i have bursts of clarity and purpose
and then confusion and chaos reign.
Clarity and analytical thought,
coupled with a song in my heart.
(that is poetry, you see.
Then mists and fog and clouds creep in
and i wonder where i am.
This is who i am,
or not.
That delicate balance between mind and heart,
some times gets lost
and so do i.
When i am able to sing these words,
i know i am fine.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
a strange number
not necessarily easy to remember,
but it stuck in my brain,
tho never used again,
by me any way.
I used that number to determine,
only that my brain still functioned.
That i could still think.
Yet there was that terrifying time,
some years ago,
after the operation,
after the shunt was placed in my body to remove,
that hideous bulge in the back of my head,
where the operation was performed.
The number was gone
and worse,
i could not remember why it was important.
It came back,
a month later,
after a fall
and more.
The shunt was shut off
and "I" returned.
The number was there also,
waiting for me,
telling me things where going to be okay.
Saturday, March 5, 2016
eye wide open
my "song" returned,
at least for a bit
and i returned to my writing.
The finish is done,
but oh what a mess the last pages are!
I focused on the repeated redundant words and phrases;
trouble,
struggle,
struggle,
difficulty.
My attitude is not good.
We all struggle,
we all have difficulties
and some times they consume us
and that is when to pull back.
A major rewrite is in front of me now.I am good with that,
for a song has returned to my heart
and i can sing my story yet again.
at least for a bit
and i returned to my writing.
The finish is done,
but oh what a mess the last pages are!
I focused on the repeated redundant words and phrases;
trouble,
struggle,
struggle,
difficulty.
My attitude is not good.
We all struggle,
we all have difficulties
and some times they consume us
and that is when to pull back.
A major rewrite is in front of me now.I am good with that,
for a song has returned to my heart
and i can sing my story yet again.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Some one stopped by today
A visitor/friend,
from the past.
They had been here before,
twice,
yet i could not remember...
they were from times that the second procedure,
wiped clean.
Scary in some ways,
that things so clear could be missing,
so completely.
My adventure,
the one of recovery,
is not hindered by these facts,
for i have truly New beginnings.
They do mystify me,
but do not cause me to stumble.
My life continues and that is a joy!
from the past.
They had been here before,
twice,
yet i could not remember...
they were from times that the second procedure,
wiped clean.
Scary in some ways,
that things so clear could be missing,
so completely.
My adventure,
the one of recovery,
is not hindered by these facts,
for i have truly New beginnings.
They do mystify me,
but do not cause me to stumble.
My life continues and that is a joy!
Friday, January 1, 2016
strangeness, but in a good way
I have felt different,
as of late.
As if some dark chain,
that was dragging me down,
is gone.
It has been seven years ow,
since that operation
and the subsequent issues happened.
I remember New Years day,
not being able to swallow,
the meal I cooked,
being always exhausted.
What has happened.
The blackness is gone.
My recovery,
which i labeled my adventure,
feels like it is coming to a close.
A brief two years past,
I thought I was done,
weighed down with issue and problem,
after issue and problem,
I wanted to leave,
go away.
far from this mortal coil,
but not lately.
Is this hope i speak of?
Yes, something i had forgotten existed,
hope springs anew.
Monday, November 30, 2015
the joy of life
I have been reviewing what i have written here in my past,
it is important for i approach a strange and terrible anniversary.
Seven years ago, i was in the process of losing conscious thought,
due to a shunt place to relieve excess fluid formed from my operation.
The shunt worked too well and continued to drain much needed fluid.
The problem was resolved when i collapsed one day out on a walk,
but from that time on, my memories and sense of time are distorted and portions simply gone.
This is too important to write in verse, tho it feels like i want to.
This was a terrible time, for i have no idea what went on during that month.
It is frightening still.
To the good part, the problem is in the past, but some of the symptoms continue.
There feels like an unraveling of memory, so that what happened yesterday or the week before becomes more distant and what happened years ago seems much closer.
The years of events in the past are distorted...did i retire in 2011 or 2012 or did my mom pass in 2010 or 2011. Did my operation occur in 2007 or 2008? But i know my dad passed in 1996 and we had a major move when i was 7.
Go figure.
Facing these fears, these confusions are real, but all tests show that my short term (as in minutes and hours) are fine and there is no sign of other kinds of degenerative disease.
Writing all this, why the title for this post?
Because i have survived.
I have learned not just small lessons,
but great ones.
I searched for a long time after this for purpose
and i am surprised how simple that answer was...
It is to live in each moment
and give what has been given you,
without thought or concern.
So yes there is much joy in my life at this time.
it is important for i approach a strange and terrible anniversary.
Seven years ago, i was in the process of losing conscious thought,
due to a shunt place to relieve excess fluid formed from my operation.
The shunt worked too well and continued to drain much needed fluid.
The problem was resolved when i collapsed one day out on a walk,
but from that time on, my memories and sense of time are distorted and portions simply gone.
This is too important to write in verse, tho it feels like i want to.
This was a terrible time, for i have no idea what went on during that month.
It is frightening still.
To the good part, the problem is in the past, but some of the symptoms continue.
There feels like an unraveling of memory, so that what happened yesterday or the week before becomes more distant and what happened years ago seems much closer.
The years of events in the past are distorted...did i retire in 2011 or 2012 or did my mom pass in 2010 or 2011. Did my operation occur in 2007 or 2008? But i know my dad passed in 1996 and we had a major move when i was 7.
Go figure.
Facing these fears, these confusions are real, but all tests show that my short term (as in minutes and hours) are fine and there is no sign of other kinds of degenerative disease.
Writing all this, why the title for this post?
Because i have survived.
I have learned not just small lessons,
but great ones.
I searched for a long time after this for purpose
and i am surprised how simple that answer was...
It is to live in each moment
and give what has been given you,
without thought or concern.
So yes there is much joy in my life at this time.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Back to the adventure - seven year have passed
It has been seven years,
yes, you read correctly,
seven years since THE operation.
That one that changed the course of my life,
that changed me, physically,
more more importantly,
emotionally and Spiritually.
I do not write much about all of that,
it is that personal,
it simply is not for everyone's eyes.
I have more peace and tho i would not call my self content,
i am okay, in a positive manner.
The "waves" of life seem to disturb me less.
A doctor call last night,
(Correct, Sunday night),
concerning tests performed.
Most was fine,
but there were a few issues and questions.
The MRI/MRA were normal,
but there is a suggestion to go to a cardiologist because of some of the results
and some of my reports of things that have been going on.
I was told that in what i call the old testament,
one of the prophets talked about God's spiritual gifts.
One of them caught my ear...wonderment!
I have that all my life
and now it is in full gear,
churning and working
and being amazed...
where will my adventure take me next?
yes, you read correctly,
seven years since THE operation.
That one that changed the course of my life,
that changed me, physically,
more more importantly,
emotionally and Spiritually.
I do not write much about all of that,
it is that personal,
it simply is not for everyone's eyes.
I have more peace and tho i would not call my self content,
i am okay, in a positive manner.
The "waves" of life seem to disturb me less.
A doctor call last night,
(Correct, Sunday night),
concerning tests performed.
Most was fine,
but there were a few issues and questions.
The MRI/MRA were normal,
but there is a suggestion to go to a cardiologist because of some of the results
and some of my reports of things that have been going on.
I was told that in what i call the old testament,
one of the prophets talked about God's spiritual gifts.
One of them caught my ear...wonderment!
I have that all my life
and now it is in full gear,
churning and working
and being amazed...
where will my adventure take me next?
Saturday, April 18, 2015
it took a bit to digest
At this point i have not written about the doctor visit that had me so nervous..
there were things i needed to discuss and hope to understand.
A while back i had one incident which concerned me...
I was walking over a small gully and i looked down to ensure that i would have my footing correct.
the problem was that when i looked down, i did not recognize what i was seeing...for a moment, but the fact that i was unable to recognize grass for a moment struck me.
I also realized this happen a lot, but for only micro moment so that i do not usually notice it.
it happened when i change the direction of my focus.
I was hoping for a quick "fix"...information that would help me immediately.
what i got was direction and more doctor visits...did i tell you i hate doctor visits...
first step is to get the neurophycologist report from September, then to get them to the doctor i saw, the neurologist and another doctor who has helped me in other matters in this adventure of mine.
Am i happy?
No!
i want all of this over,
every fiber of my being wants it to end!
but i am not done yet.
A small break and will pursue this next path...
and this is my story.
there were things i needed to discuss and hope to understand.
A while back i had one incident which concerned me...
I was walking over a small gully and i looked down to ensure that i would have my footing correct.
the problem was that when i looked down, i did not recognize what i was seeing...for a moment, but the fact that i was unable to recognize grass for a moment struck me.
I also realized this happen a lot, but for only micro moment so that i do not usually notice it.
it happened when i change the direction of my focus.
I was hoping for a quick "fix"...information that would help me immediately.
what i got was direction and more doctor visits...did i tell you i hate doctor visits...
first step is to get the neurophycologist report from September, then to get them to the doctor i saw, the neurologist and another doctor who has helped me in other matters in this adventure of mine.
Am i happy?
No!
i want all of this over,
every fiber of my being wants it to end!
but i am not done yet.
A small break and will pursue this next path...
and this is my story.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
living with restrictions
It has almost been seven years,
since they dug into the back of my head,
to remove that nasty tumor.
The trauma and consequences,
still ring freshly in my mind.
There are so many things that i can no longer do,
but it does not mean there are not more that i can.
Disabled,
handicapped,
those leave a bitter taste on my tongue.
Restricted,
that seems better.
It is like my eyesight,
it is not poor,
it is different...
i see like a cross-eyed cat
or sometimes i like the analogy to a spider,
whose eyes give them eight images,
that they can not put together.
The lack of balance,
so that i mostly use a cane to keep myself from falling,
still allows a fall...
or two within a week.
I get around,
walking as much as the weather permits,
cooking,
doings "things"
and writing,
oh how i love writing,
as much as i enjoyed reading...before.
A dark cloud passes over my face,
because reading is now hard
and even painful to my eyes.
This passes for there is much more for me to do,
that i can still do
and creativity is foremost on my mind.
since they dug into the back of my head,
to remove that nasty tumor.
The trauma and consequences,
still ring freshly in my mind.
There are so many things that i can no longer do,
but it does not mean there are not more that i can.
Disabled,
handicapped,
those leave a bitter taste on my tongue.
Restricted,
that seems better.
It is like my eyesight,
it is not poor,
it is different...
i see like a cross-eyed cat
or sometimes i like the analogy to a spider,
whose eyes give them eight images,
that they can not put together.
The lack of balance,
so that i mostly use a cane to keep myself from falling,
still allows a fall...
or two within a week.
I get around,
walking as much as the weather permits,
cooking,
doings "things"
and writing,
oh how i love writing,
as much as i enjoyed reading...before.
A dark cloud passes over my face,
because reading is now hard
and even painful to my eyes.
This passes for there is much more for me to do,
that i can still do
and creativity is foremost on my mind.
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