Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Autumn

This is the time of year,
that remains my favorite,
no matter what it portends.
Each leaf turning brilliant,
brings joy to my heart.
I have said it before
and will yet again,
that the love of fall,
is the love of each moment in our lives.
No thought of what has passed
and no thought of what is to come.
The crispness of the air
and the aroma of browning leaves.,
overwhelms my senses,
more than the perfumes of Spring.
I have said before;
"I do not like cool or cold temperatures",
yet in the context of the Autumn displays,
I am okay with it.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

revived

i have been very quiet,
as of late.
My heart seemed, no longer to beat
nor did it speak,
for it laid hidden,
from the storm that i had to pass through.
The seasonal rains,
which seem to come later now,
have helped revive me,
The colors of this season,
as short as they may be,
red, and golds and various hues of orange and yellow,
glisten in the dampness of the rain.
The portion of the ordeal that was up to me,
is over,
now i wait.
Waiting seems to be the easy part.
Me?
Who could paint only watercolor because anything else took to long to dry?
Patience,
learned well those months in the hospital,
some six years past.
I still bear the scares from that ordeal,
scars that will never heal,
but today,
I continue on,
loving the warm Autumn,
with rain pouring out of the sky.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

it takes time

it seems as if i have been absent, a lot from this blog.
So many things going on and there are positive things.
While my balance and vision and headaches still are an issue, the problem at the back of my neck has been resolved with physical therapy.
I was hoping that it might help resolve the other issues, but no.
The best news is that what ever is causing these other problems is NOT because of a problem with any tumor recurrence, nor of damage caused by all that I went through six years ago.
They are still not resolved, but at least doctors do not see a serious cause.
The doctors also do not know what is causing it, for they can find nothing.
This is oddly comforting to me and in the words of a friend, I remain a medical mystery.
Okay I can deal with that.
Notice that there is no attempt at a composition of similes and metaphors, as i tend to do.
This would normally mean that I was fretting about things, because my analytical mind does not see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Yet I am doing fine.
I still miss my mom and that keeps coming up, running into memories from papers I find.
(I just recently found the train receipts and other paper work from when she passed on.
I ran into some one who knows me from the hospital during the surgery.
I sadly have no memory of her.
That is what I deal with often, not remembering and it still bothers me.
This Informational post now is ending, have fun all...
Autumn is my favorite time of year and the colors are great!

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

cold morning

i woke up to the cold this morning,
yes, it is Autumn.
The leaves will soon turn to brightly colored flowers,
each one,
but there is sadness,
"Things" encroach on my mind,
yet they are not the source.
I make my way down to my exercise bike
and there is the source,
staring me in the face.
The remainder of pictures and memorabilia,
that i have not been able yet to sort.
The truth?
I still miss my mom
and i do not find that strange.

Monday, September 22, 2014

mixed messages

Deep in thought,
of calculations and of scheming
and of Figuring things out;
a gentle cool breeze 
washes over my face
and brings me to another place.
Cool,
not cold
and so it captures my attention
and i rush to capture the moment on this typed screen.
How to explain the subtle changes,
from the working,
grasping mind
to one that flows?
I begin to feel,
not only the breeze,
but the colors of the leaves,
as they begin to turn.
The clear sky
and the sun beginning to rise.
A bee flitting past in search of the last drops of nectar,
from flowers still in bloom.
Those "things" i thought of earlier,
they still exist,
but not in the the cold hard form of equations,
but in gentle nudges of how to continue on.
The Forsythia shows the mixed message best,
the leaves beginning to turn,
yet a yellow flower of spring attached.

I do love Autumn,
for to enjoy it,
 one must not think of the summer that was past,
nor of the Winter that still is yet to come.

Friday, September 19, 2014

darkness

the darkness surrounds us,
yet i am unafraid.
An Angel is up in the tress,
looking down.
I see her (?)
and the angel comes down.
I ask, "where is God?",
demanding,
not pleading.
The angel answers, "He is here.".
I look around
and see the mornings dawn beginning to break,
but not only from the East,
but from everywhere.
"Oh!"
and i begin to laugh!

Thursday, September 18, 2014

sorting it out

It has been a busy few weeks,
a new physical therapy seemed to offer more,
but it only answer one simple problem.
I am not really awake yet,
my mind full of clouds
and my housemate starts yammering,
about things i can not comprehend.
i manage not to be irritated,
but i know that can happen.
I do not know when is a good time to talk to me.
"Things" on my mind;
i  can handle them in one of two ways.
So far, i am holding on to the better way,
but barely.
Remembering, helps.
when i first came out of the hospital from "that" operation,
almost 6 years ago,
I did not know
and i was frightened.
I felt an assurance,
not of being restored and healed physically,
but that some how,
everything would be for the best
and God would be glorified.
That is important,
even more now.
I do not know how people with out faith live in this troubled world,
there is so much that seems wrong.
Yet i am assured that our time here is very short,
we just do not see it
and our time after in infinite,
that comforts me.
Little things assure me;
a flower,
a tree,
a smile.
these are the good things,
i will dwell on them.