Sunday, January 31, 2016

a study in brokenness and Humility

Brokenness is responding in faith when the situation clearly offers defeat;  it is overcoming the hurt and refusing the anger by a beloved's insensitivity.

This has been on my heart,
we all feel that hurt,
in any of our relationships.
The insensitive remark,
the callous action,
that wants our heart to break
and even more,
wants retaliation,
Even though it is no fault of their own.
A delicate subject,
for those of us who have lost someone,
to death.
We hold them accountable,
for leaving us,
without them.
That insensitive act..
and we get to forgive
and for some of us,
to believe that this is only temporary,
that the time is short,
that we will be reunited again.
Just stop.
stop making the shallow words,
the troubled actions.
Just love
and look beyond.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Monday, January 4, 2016

Some one stopped by today

A visitor/friend,
from the past.
They had been here before,
yet i could not remember...
they were from times that the second procedure,
wiped clean.
Scary in some ways,
that things so clear could be missing,
so completely.
My adventure,
the one of recovery,
is not hindered by these facts,
for i have truly New beginnings.
They do mystify me,
but do not cause me to stumble.
My life continues and that is a joy!

Friday, January 1, 2016

strangeness, but in a good way

I have felt different,
as of late.
As if some dark chain,
that was dragging me down,
is gone.
It has been seven years ow,
since that operation
and the subsequent issues happened.
I remember New Years day,
not being able to swallow,
the meal I cooked,
being always exhausted.
What has happened.
The blackness is gone.
My recovery,
which i labeled my adventure,
feels like it is coming to a close.
A brief two years past,
I thought I was done,
weighed down with issue and problem,
after issue and problem,
I wanted to leave,
go away.
far from this mortal coil,
but not lately.
Is this hope i speak of?
Yes, something i had forgotten existed,
hope springs anew.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Struggling to write

I have finished one memoir, "the Joy of Work", which still needs a once more review and editing by a professional.
Oh yes, then it needs to be published, but in the mean time, I am writing another concerning my operation and recovery.  I have titled it "Fear and Recovery, Reflections on surviving a Brain Tumor".
This is giving me fits because there is much memory that is missing or only found in pieces.  Also it is much more emotional and i keep wanting to go into "thesis" or "Scientific observation" mode, rather than writing a story full of emotion and people.
I am determined to do this, no matter how long it takes.
My writing group has taken a holiday for the Christmas season and they have been helpful, so i continue this struggle alone for a time.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Does this every happen to you

Some one asks;
"How old are you?"
You are stumped,
stymied for a moment.
It is not that you do not know the number,
not that you do not know the year you were born,
nor is it because you can not do the math quickly,
but rather that you are mistified.
Bemused because the number that comes out of your mouth,
simply does not match how you feel.
The feeling is not physical,
it is not mental,
it is from deep in your heart.
How could i have so many years,
have so much experience
and be as old as i am?
For some reason i feel this often.