But I do not sleep in. It seems that since the operation, I have become a morning person and so I sit on the front porch and watch all the other morning people pass by.
It is fun.
It also gives me time to reflect.
I have little less than half a month before this really busy season ends in the lab, that i will make. Then I get to review the damage done by various mistakes during this pressure time.
I also know there is improvement, but things certainly are not going as advertised, to me it looks like a few years rather than a few days at this point. so I get to be patient, but I am not.
Sometime it feels like the walls close in on me and I feel trapped by all of this. Taking long walks helps. Going some place different helps.
When I feel trapped, my mood becomes sour.
When 30 or 40 samples come into the lab and there is no one to help, I feel overwhelmed.
That is when I know that I do not want to do this next year, there are too many chance of mistakes (which have occurred) and I am the one to figure it out.
I am fortune that i set up so many things before all of this to make things easier, my coworkers are clueless.
I do not like the attitude, which is basically "Leave me alone", that comes up.
I do not like the pain and nerve movement in the back of my head, it hurts usually in the afternoon. I still think it is all the nerves and muscles trying to wake up - unsuccessfully.
I still can not drink water without choking - but it does not happen all the time and now there are many meals I can eat without the same issue. Some of that is me knowing when to stop and part of that is improvement.
So in he light of an easy Sunday morning, things are looking up. There are more positives than negatives. I do have a clear idea of how I will proceed concerning work, but I will bide my time, that is a benefit to civil service.
And I will continue to work things out, slowly. Not expecting any great miracles, only small ones.
That is enough for me.
Now to deal with the lapses of memory when I am overwhelmed....