But I do not sleep in. It seems that since the operation, I have become a morning person and so I sit on the front porch and watch all the other morning people pass by.
It is fun.
It also gives me time to reflect.
I have little less than half a month before this really busy season ends in the lab, that i will make. Then I get to review the damage done by various mistakes during this pressure time.
I also know there is improvement, but things certainly are not going as advertised, to me it looks like a few years rather than a few days at this point. so I get to be patient, but I am not.
Sometime it feels like the walls close in on me and I feel trapped by all of this. Taking long walks helps. Going some place different helps.
When I feel trapped, my mood becomes sour.
When 30 or 40 samples come into the lab and there is no one to help, I feel overwhelmed.
That is when I know that I do not want to do this next year, there are too many chance of mistakes (which have occurred) and I am the one to figure it out.
I am fortune that i set up so many things before all of this to make things easier, my coworkers are clueless.
I do not like the attitude, which is basically "Leave me alone", that comes up.
I do not like the pain and nerve movement in the back of my head, it hurts usually in the afternoon. I still think it is all the nerves and muscles trying to wake up - unsuccessfully.
I still can not drink water without choking - but it does not happen all the time and now there are many meals I can eat without the same issue. Some of that is me knowing when to stop and part of that is improvement.
So in he light of an easy Sunday morning, things are looking up. There are more positives than negatives. I do have a clear idea of how I will proceed concerning work, but I will bide my time, that is a benefit to civil service.
And I will continue to work things out, slowly. Not expecting any great miracles, only small ones.
That is enough for me.
Now to deal with the lapses of memory when I am overwhelmed....
7 comments:
Hi and happy Sunday morning to you-
I feel all your emotions, well, as best I can given this forum. But I do 'get' how frustrating work issues can be and I do 'get' all the adjustments to your body as the meaning of your post surgery presents and defines itself. Sometimes there are gentle surprises - some times there are rude awakenings. It is all so unpredictable. I really like how you are so in tune with all the positives in your life - they will balance you in the days when the negatives try to take over.
Enjoy your people watching and know
that I do understand.
Love and hope
Gail
peace.....
I like how you try to focus on the good stuff in your life. Happy Sunday morning to you :-).
yeah, just focus on the little things that make you happy, one day at a time...
Sometimes we need to know how to stick in there and handle stress effectively.
Other times the best way to handle stress is to opt out.
Sounds like the way your work is structured, only the second option is likely to be effective.
From one morning person to another.
I like Sunday mornings as well.
I do sleep in on Sunday mornings and it isn't because I want to--my body just does it. All the other days of the week are early rising. I don't know what it is with those Sundays, but it makes Monday a whole lot harder to approach.
Sorry I've been AWOL. I needed some time.
Interesting that your memory lapses when you are overwhelmed. I am trying to understand neurologically (during my training I took all the neurology courses I could, because of interest in that area).
Has the doc explained that phenomena to you?
Keep hanging in there, Joey!
Post a Comment