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Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Friday, September 18, 2009

There is still a lot going on

I do not have time to go a read, I want to, but I am just too involved because it involves peoples lives. I have to see this to an end.
While I proclaim and try to live something akin to a pacifist, everything inside of me is a fighter.
When I see a problem that may effect 500 or more peoples lives, I start shouting.
The pacifist is only me trying to direct and control the fighter inside.
Growing up I was a very quiet person and very shy.
Some where in adolescence, some of that broke.
A bully a school tried to intimidate me and I would not fight back in school. He stopped at a neighbors house one weekend and I went over and settled it. While I did not "win", I also did not lose and no bully ever bothered me again.
My aggression had an outlet in sand lot football. I had 3 nicknames, one was "Hippo" because I was a bit chunky, the other was "Rhino" because if I had the ball, I would lower my head and charge and no one wanted to try to stop me.
The last year of high school (I was 16), the captain of the football team started picking on a neighborhood kid who was in 5th grade, I got mad and he went inside crying.
I am not proud of these things except I did help the little guy.
My rage was with me as i became an adult and busted some walls (didn't hurt people) and took the tea Kwon do to try to control that.
Like when the cleaning person was in trouble because people who should have known, did not do their job, I stepped in and she saw what it was like to have me fight for something.
The situation that came up was one I had been expecting for some time.
There is a lot more to this iceberg than anyone sees and the ones who think they see have no idea.
That will be a subject on Joey K on the Environment after this is finished.
I have had to fight fear and laziness and apathy and stupidity, but the first part of this battle is won.
My work is not over.
See it is not a job when it is for greater good, it is much more than that.
What has it meant?
I have had to come in weekends.
I have had to go to night meetings.
The phone were constant.
I have had to go to day meetings.
I have had more work than I could have possibly imagined.
My boss is busy trying to do the communication with other departments.
My coworker is staying far away from it.
My blood pressure went up, but I figured that and brought it down so much I had to reduce my medications for it.
My eyesight which had been getting worse because of the stress, has returned to a normal "bad" state, not degrading as they had been.
There was an edge in me, dealing with this, that i do not like and that is why I stopped for awhile.
It is not over, but at least a pivotal point has been reached.
Thank all of you for your concern, I need to see this to the end.
I will write on occasions until this is finished and I think it will be another 5 to 6 weeks.
Then I will have all the information I need for myself and will be actively seeking disability retirement, and they can do what they want, i will not be part of it any more.
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