It was a simple stress test, you know the one, where you get on a tread mill that varies in sped and slope.
Where you are hooked up with all kind of leads to monitor your heart.
It begins slow and increases until you can not go anymore.
I was into the final phase of it and something deep inside was nagging me.
As I was breathing harder, it became stronger.
Long before I was finished, I stopped.
And there it was staring at me in the face, fear,
of not being able to breath.
I talked to a friend who immediately said that fear is cellular and I understood.
When I was on that operating table a year and a half ago and I stopped breathing, I remembered.
I was afraid. then and it came back now and I had no idea how strong it was!
There are more things that opened up and so my adventure is once again, an adventure.
Now it reaches deep into my soul and address...
fear.
7 comments:
Hi Joey: 'Air Hunger' (not being able to breathe) is the worst feeling in the universe. I am sorry to hear of your experience here; I trust your cardiologist(s) knew when to pull the plug--on your stress test I mean! I'm glad you wrote about this, because it provides us with an opportunity to remember that many diagnostic tests and procedures are NOT without 'inherent risks'...even when a clinician says 'they're routine!'. The sorriest example I know of is of a gal our age who suffered a debilitating stroke during a 'routine prep for a routine colonoscopy'. What a horribly bad 'adverse event'! If it makes you feel any better, dear JK, I haven't been able to pass a stress test like FOREVER due to congenital heart problems and I'm in GREAT shape, kind of ! Try not to worry about how you felt, I say. We will die when it is time to for us to die. In the meantime, we do what we can to spiritualize our stress away...ironically, often through meditative techniques involving-you guessed it--breathing. I don't know how I just knocked into you post here first thing after being offline due to 'technical problems', but I'm sure there's a reason. Now git and have a great day. As long as you are loved (and you certainly are), you are ALIVE. God Bless You...
Love,
Barb
joeyk, i guess that's an overlooked plus to not being able to walk anymore...i take a "resting" stress test, where i lay on a table & they give me drugs to mimic my heart being stressed!!
HI JOEY
I undestand and respect your fear so much and I am so sorry you feel such fear. I get it.
Loving you
Gail
peace.....
For a real stress test, they should stick you in a cubicle and have idiots call you constantly making incessant demands until you go on a shooting spree. That's information you could use.
Barbara - I guess i did not realize just how scary my operation was to me and just what it meant when I heard them say "He's not breathing people!"
Libby - God bless you, Your situation reminds of something when i start complaining. "I cried because I had no shoe till I saw someone with no feet!"
Thank you.
Grant - I have been there and done that when the whole Scofieldtown project started. No one liked me when I was stressed out, but they did leave me alone. The down side was that my eyesight got significantly worse.
"Barbara - I guess i did not realize just how scary my operation was to me and just what it meant when I heard them say "He's not breathing people!"-Joey K.
Interesting thing about 'dying on the table' or having a near-death experience. Although there are common threads for them, each person's experience is different. Mine was rather 'cool' and not unpleasant. God told me I wouldn't die. But not all near-death-experiences/death experiences are all that wonderful, people should know. They can be downright horrible, as I think you know. That's why--when someone casually says, "Oh, I wish I could have one (an NDE, etc)", I tell them they are NUTS! All surgery--esp the serious kind you had, Joey--is scary and daunting and life-changing. And to be declared 'NOT BREATHING' is almost too much for anyone to bear! It requires great courage to withstand it all, let alone WRITE about it, as you have! Keep it up; you are saying things people need to hear. The Lord bless and keep steady and strong! Love, Barbara
I will say this about dying - "IT" was not painful, it is the living afterward that is very painful!
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