over the last 2 1/2 years, i have been dealing with the loss of a portion of my physical well being.
over the last 2 months, i have been dealing with the death of my moth.
What has been surprising to me is just how similar the emotions in each is.
Although i was told by people knowledgeable in such things, i could not comprehend such a thing until it happened.
The initial shock and then bewilderment and then slowly doing what you must to go on.
The most surprising of the similarities though, is just how much the needs of living in this world interfere with the full recovery of both.
You simply must do certain things in order to continue and of course this includes, but is not limited to , work.
I think i am becoming resentful that i must still do this.
2 comments:
Dear Joey: First, I am sorry that your Mom died. No matter who we are, where we are, how OLD we are...the loss of a mother is always devastating.
And even if she'd 'been sick and ailing and frail', the 'end' is always a shock. Anyone who says, 'It was to be expected' or 'We saw it coming' is insensitive to the fact that it is ALWAYS an UNEXPECTED BLOW to the system when a parent dies!
You're going through what I call 'the year of firsts', my dear friend. Those of us who outlive our parents (as most of us do) must deal with a first year of 'landmarks' that tear at the soul: the first 'birthday' that Mom misses, the first 'holiday' that Mom misses, the first 'annual celebration of whatever' that Mom misses. You get the idea. The 'year of firsts' is a very difficult time, but you just have to get THROUGH IT! Me--I like to cry until I can cry no longer, then wash my face and do something fun with the family (my granddaughter, esp), my cats and feed the critters outdoors. They are 'LIFE', you see, and represent the 'continuum'.
Think of how much your mother loved you, Joey. The great news I have for you is that SHE LOVES YOU STILL AND ALWAYS WILL! She can no sooner 'not' love you than you can stop loving her!
As a person of faith (who's had a significant near-death experience) I can tell you that life continues on the other side. My advice is to make your Mom happy by 'doing well' and living on, now that she's gone. She WANTS you to be happy, and I say that as both a mother and a grandmother myself.
You're in a tough time, Joey, and it would be totally unusual and odd if you weren't experiencing moments of anguish with your Mom so recently gone.
But you will surprise yourself with your own resilience. Blogging is good, writing poems is good, talking is good, dreaming is good and hobbies are good because they engage the mind.
Work can be good, too, if only to 'distract'.
But I say, 'Cry those tears' and write a song for the woman who gave birth to you. I promise you she will hear and be glad for your love and to know you are 'getting on'.
I pray that God Blesses your heart with peace, Joey. Don't hesitate to contact me privately if I can do anything for you at this time.
Love, Rev. Barb
the needs of the living are just those footsteps. the needs of the living are one and then the other. they keep us moving whether we want to or not. this is how we breathe. this is how we are here. i was thinking of this today. i was thinking of a local mother who lost her son last week, a drowning. he was 14. i was thinking of her in her living room today, the residue of our National holiday passing, and i was imagining her rising from her couch. one foot and then the other. unbearable pain that we bear. and then tomorrow. and through time, perhaps lighter footsteps, but ones that never forget.
much love, joey
xo
erin
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