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Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Monday, November 30, 2015

the joy of life

I have been reviewing what i have written here in my past,
it is important for i approach a strange and terrible anniversary.
Seven years ago, i was in the process of losing conscious thought,
due to a shunt place to relieve excess fluid formed from my operation.
The shunt worked too well and continued to drain much needed fluid.
The problem was resolved when i collapsed one day out on a walk,
but from that time on, my memories and sense of time are distorted and portions simply gone.
This is too important to write in verse, tho it feels like i want to.
This was a terrible time, for i have no idea what went on during that month.
It is frightening still.
To the good part, the problem is in the past, but some of the symptoms continue.
There feels like an unraveling of memory, so that what happened yesterday or the week before becomes more distant and what happened years ago seems much closer.
The years of events in the past are distorted...did i retire in 2011 or 2012 or did my mom pass in 2010 or 2011.  Did my operation occur in 2007 or 2008?  But i know my dad passed in 1996 and we had a major move when i was 7.
Go figure.
Facing these fears, these confusions are real, but all tests show that my short term (as in minutes and hours) are fine and there is no sign of other kinds of degenerative disease.

Writing all this, why the title for this post?
Because i have survived.
I have learned not just small lessons,
but great ones.
I searched for a long time after this for purpose
and i am surprised how simple that answer was...
It is to live in each moment
and give what has been given you,
without thought or concern.

So yes there is much joy in my life at this time.

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