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Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Okay can I be scared?

Better days, pushing my body to do things, having dreams about....work.
That seems to suck the air right out of me. Questions, Am I really up to it? Can I do what I do? How the heck do I work around this vision thing?
This is not a earth shattering event, nor is it life threatening, but it has me rattled.
When I was in the hospital for the 6 weeks, they tried to give me things they thought would be applicable to getting back on the road, little micro dexterity type work, which I did well with full double vision. So why the fear? It isn't like I do not know the job, I worked there 29 years, but it is because I know the job that it scares me.
It is the interpretation of doing those micro dexterity things that has me going. It is the set up using dangerous chemicals that has me scared (it is one thing to spill some chicken broth out of a can, another to spill hydrochloric acid)!
I look at my typing, you don't see it, but i am missing the key placement, hitting double keys all the time (thank God for spell check)!
I think of making media, titrations, working instruments, reading micro plates, interpreting the results,Quality Control testing and talking with the public. The last one I don't see a problem with, it is everything leading up to it that has my head spinning.
The time is coming, within the next month and I will go back, a lttle bit at a time.
In the mean time, I think I will do some more painting.
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