Not an environmental post,
but i was back at the lab for 2 days this week.
Nice lab new lab director,
who wanted to know what i did.
I was hired to "train" and so i did.
2 people interested to know what i had to say,
one a bit nosy in what i was doing.
No i really did not want to go back,
but i made a promise.
The last, seething in anger unspoken, with barely a word passing their lips.
That person was there 10 years with me
and has refused to do most of what i did.
It is bad air, but i will return,
they are of course sad and truly alone.
I will not cause any more grief than they are causing themselves.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Monday, December 17, 2012
Sand Castles
Growing up,
my favorite thing to do at the beach was build sandcastles.
There is something which links us to the way this life really is,
it is at best temporary.
Normally i would have placed this post in my Environmental blog,
because this is about work.
For today is the day that the "provisional lab director has decided to stop testing water,
until the end of January, so she says.
She also removed all the collection bottles and intake forms just to prove the point.
It was not lost on me that this was a slap in my face,
but i said nothing...
tomorrow is my last working day
and the consequences are hers, not mine.
I also realise that this is the fight that i have been making for a great deal of my 33 years.
To test, to discover, to uncover.
I am no longer in the fight
and it appears that i was building a very elaborate sandcastle all of these 33 years
and the tide just came in.
my favorite thing to do at the beach was build sandcastles.
There is something which links us to the way this life really is,
it is at best temporary.
Normally i would have placed this post in my Environmental blog,
because this is about work.
For today is the day that the "provisional lab director has decided to stop testing water,
until the end of January, so she says.
She also removed all the collection bottles and intake forms just to prove the point.
It was not lost on me that this was a slap in my face,
but i said nothing...
tomorrow is my last working day
and the consequences are hers, not mine.
I also realise that this is the fight that i have been making for a great deal of my 33 years.
To test, to discover, to uncover.
I am no longer in the fight
and it appears that i was building a very elaborate sandcastle all of these 33 years
and the tide just came in.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
There really is a reason...
The reason that i am leaving the workplace that i have been for 33 years.
It is not because it is dull.
It is not because it has changed,
because it has and that has always been what thrilled me,
no the reason is found in what the doctors still do not have an answer for.
The example:
Today i went for an appointment that every note i had written said was at 11 AM today.
Tomorrow i go to an appointment at 9:45 PM that every note i had written said was today at 9:15 PM.
The first appointment was yesterday,
today's appointment is tomorrow.
Even outlook's calender (something i never use) fooled me.
The doctors have ruled out dementia and Alzheimer's.
They say my cognitive ability is "superior", what ever that means,
but i get exasperated at my confusion.
i hear people say; "it happens to me too",
but that kind of confusion did not happen to me
and now it does.
My problem
and it is my problem,
is that i still at times do not understand how i could get things so wrong and misplaced.
There is no "organic" reason for this according to the doctors,
no cognitive misstep,
it just happens.
I can not continue to work like this.
I am frustrated.
There is retirement for me,
but without a cause - it is not disability retirement.
It is not because it is dull.
It is not because it has changed,
because it has and that has always been what thrilled me,
no the reason is found in what the doctors still do not have an answer for.
The example:
Today i went for an appointment that every note i had written said was at 11 AM today.
Tomorrow i go to an appointment at 9:45 PM that every note i had written said was today at 9:15 PM.
The first appointment was yesterday,
today's appointment is tomorrow.
Even outlook's calender (something i never use) fooled me.
The doctors have ruled out dementia and Alzheimer's.
They say my cognitive ability is "superior", what ever that means,
but i get exasperated at my confusion.
i hear people say; "it happens to me too",
but that kind of confusion did not happen to me
and now it does.
My problem
and it is my problem,
is that i still at times do not understand how i could get things so wrong and misplaced.
There is no "organic" reason for this according to the doctors,
no cognitive misstep,
it just happens.
I can not continue to work like this.
I am frustrated.
There is retirement for me,
but without a cause - it is not disability retirement.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Still shaken and a bit stirred up
Not quite the James Bond Martini,
but i woke with all my muscles acing.
Not the ones were there were visible injuries,
but everything else!
With that said, i trudged off to work,
yes, you heard me right,
work.
Why?
This requires some explaining because i did just fall into it,
almost as if by accident,
if i believed in such stuff as accidents anymore.
No this is a civil servant job,
a government job,
the kind everyone is railling against now a days,
but i took it to heart and found that i could acctually make a difference.
I could help people.
Making money was not the issue,
for if i wanted to make money,
i never would have taken this job.
The pay is easily less than 1/4 of what a private sector job would be
and by far more fun, with more variety
and again,
i am able to actually help people.
I got stirred up because there are too many people on the payroll for whom this is just a job,
something to pass the time and collect a pay check.
I actually have a reason to be there.
And off i go to face today's challenges and frustrations and yes, fights.
This will end soon,
then maybe i will live a peacefl life.
but i woke with all my muscles acing.
Not the ones were there were visible injuries,
but everything else!
With that said, i trudged off to work,
yes, you heard me right,
work.
Why?
This requires some explaining because i did just fall into it,
almost as if by accident,
if i believed in such stuff as accidents anymore.
No this is a civil servant job,
a government job,
the kind everyone is railling against now a days,
but i took it to heart and found that i could acctually make a difference.
I could help people.
Making money was not the issue,
for if i wanted to make money,
i never would have taken this job.
The pay is easily less than 1/4 of what a private sector job would be
and by far more fun, with more variety
and again,
i am able to actually help people.
I got stirred up because there are too many people on the payroll for whom this is just a job,
something to pass the time and collect a pay check.
I actually have a reason to be there.
And off i go to face today's challenges and frustrations and yes, fights.
This will end soon,
then maybe i will live a peacefl life.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
A full week
it was a week that was,
it did what i expected,
sapping the life from me,
supressing the side i have come to know as my heart.
It is , in some fashion good,
for my heart does not wish to fight
and this was a week full of battles.
My logical, statistical side
will fight over stupidness
and there was mucg stupidness at work this week.
Thing and requests for which there was no logic.
The actions to try to open a beach that by any point of view, should not be opened to bathing.
Yet the attempt to take time to force this was beyond belief.
The well water pesticide issue comes with a request for more data,
except the person who was hired to do this, had not.
Questions regarding summary results,
that were because a person was trying to understand statistics,
without understand the basic concepts.
Real issues with rabies in a skunk and tests in bats,
occupied my time.
And then there was a state inspection of the lab facilities for our ability to perform tests on shellfish water.
this took time, while all others were yammering.
Another pool closure - a hospital pool,
that i had occurred just before i left for my vacaation,
had to be tested to determine if they had cleared the problem.
It was a flash back for me...
to the time i "died" on the operating table
and found myself in a place of such peace,
that i did not want to leave
and still ache to go back to.
Then to find my self struggling for life and breath in the next instant,
this struggle for life and well being that has continued to this very day.
This week was like that struggle coming from an intense place of peace - except,
in my perception,
it was a struggle because of stupidness,
so i let my intellect take over and fight that battle
with no thought of peace for now.
I took all of this home -
that was not a good sign,
but i do not intend to lay back yet...
my time to leave is coming...
very,
very soon.
it did what i expected,
sapping the life from me,
supressing the side i have come to know as my heart.
It is , in some fashion good,
for my heart does not wish to fight
and this was a week full of battles.
My logical, statistical side
will fight over stupidness
and there was mucg stupidness at work this week.
Thing and requests for which there was no logic.
The actions to try to open a beach that by any point of view, should not be opened to bathing.
Yet the attempt to take time to force this was beyond belief.
The well water pesticide issue comes with a request for more data,
except the person who was hired to do this, had not.
Questions regarding summary results,
that were because a person was trying to understand statistics,
without understand the basic concepts.
Real issues with rabies in a skunk and tests in bats,
occupied my time.
And then there was a state inspection of the lab facilities for our ability to perform tests on shellfish water.
this took time, while all others were yammering.
Another pool closure - a hospital pool,
that i had occurred just before i left for my vacaation,
had to be tested to determine if they had cleared the problem.
It was a flash back for me...
to the time i "died" on the operating table
and found myself in a place of such peace,
that i did not want to leave
and still ache to go back to.
Then to find my self struggling for life and breath in the next instant,
this struggle for life and well being that has continued to this very day.
This week was like that struggle coming from an intense place of peace - except,
in my perception,
it was a struggle because of stupidness,
so i let my intellect take over and fight that battle
with no thought of peace for now.
I took all of this home -
that was not a good sign,
but i do not intend to lay back yet...
my time to leave is coming...
very,
very soon.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
not my final words
The weather in June feels more like a typical March - cool, windy with rain threatening.
We had a few wonderful days, warm, dry, full of sunshine, last week and a few muggy, stifling days before that (worse than what i remember Houston, Texas ever being).
Tomorrow is my Lab director's last day -
he started before me some 37 years ago.
For the most part he has been an excellent person to work for
(tho i thought he could have left awhile back, mostly for his sake).
When we had disagreements, it was mostly how we perceived things and how things should go.
i tend to be very strong minded.
The work at the lab waxes and wanes in an unpredictable manner:
some days there is literally nothing going on.
I use this time to catch up on "quality control" - the stuff that ensures that everything i work with is working okay.
Then comes days like the last 2 weeks, when every thing comes as a tsunami and i feel like i am drowning under everything that must be done.
These are the days i lose everything when i come home and it takes a weekend to return to normal.
So today at our house is a leftover day - when i just reheat what we have had previously - good and bad.
Not everyday can be creative!
We had a few wonderful days, warm, dry, full of sunshine, last week and a few muggy, stifling days before that (worse than what i remember Houston, Texas ever being).
Tomorrow is my Lab director's last day -
he started before me some 37 years ago.
For the most part he has been an excellent person to work for
(tho i thought he could have left awhile back, mostly for his sake).
When we had disagreements, it was mostly how we perceived things and how things should go.
i tend to be very strong minded.
The work at the lab waxes and wanes in an unpredictable manner:
some days there is literally nothing going on.
I use this time to catch up on "quality control" - the stuff that ensures that everything i work with is working okay.
Then comes days like the last 2 weeks, when every thing comes as a tsunami and i feel like i am drowning under everything that must be done.
These are the days i lose everything when i come home and it takes a weekend to return to normal.
So today at our house is a leftover day - when i just reheat what we have had previously - good and bad.
Not everyday can be creative!
Friday, July 2, 2010
The evolution
When i first started at the Health department,
i had been encouraged to so because it was a relatively "safe" job
and i was brash and impulsive and reckless,
not good qualities for a chemist,
but i loved to learn
and so that is what i did.
I learned and found that i could give advice with what i learned.
At first, this was a rush,
a source of pride, of arrogance.
It was easy for me to put together pieces of a puzzle and see thing connecting,
where others did not,
and so i published my first research article.
Some where this knowledge began to matured
and became just a vehicle to help people,
to give them something to make a decision,
that otherwise they would be in a quandary.
i learned more, put together more pieces, directed investigations,
cause i saw how to put things together so they made sense.
This week was a rough week for many reasons.
there were people with knowledge, who distorted it to their own advantage.
There were out right liars
and there were those who hid just enough of the truth, so some one else could "hang" themselves with it.
i am fairly passionate,
i got very angry.
i exposed the lie, the hidden, the distorted.
It was not good for me, for my health, my well being, but it did make a lot of people safer.
Was it worth it?
I am still pondering that question and do not have an answer yet.
i had been encouraged to so because it was a relatively "safe" job
and i was brash and impulsive and reckless,
not good qualities for a chemist,
but i loved to learn
and so that is what i did.
I learned and found that i could give advice with what i learned.
At first, this was a rush,
a source of pride, of arrogance.
It was easy for me to put together pieces of a puzzle and see thing connecting,
where others did not,
and so i published my first research article.
Some where this knowledge began to matured
and became just a vehicle to help people,
to give them something to make a decision,
that otherwise they would be in a quandary.
i learned more, put together more pieces, directed investigations,
cause i saw how to put things together so they made sense.
This week was a rough week for many reasons.
there were people with knowledge, who distorted it to their own advantage.
There were out right liars
and there were those who hid just enough of the truth, so some one else could "hang" themselves with it.
i am fairly passionate,
i got very angry.
i exposed the lie, the hidden, the distorted.
It was not good for me, for my health, my well being, but it did make a lot of people safer.
Was it worth it?
I am still pondering that question and do not have an answer yet.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Still more fun at work...
Since the current health Director is leaving Friday, an interim one will be installed by the mayor until the final decision is made and a contract signed.
I am not one to beat around the bush nor do I seem to pull any punches.
I went up stair to the office of operation, to a person who the new mayor relies on heavily and told them who i thought would be good...
My boss, the Lab Director, told be today that the Current health Director will be showing the mayor around the department on Friday in the morning. He discussed a name that came up in an abbreviated staff meeting and i told him what I had done.
He said "That's very bold of you."
In my head, I went huh?
I live in this town, I work in this town, I know the mayor and have no trouble opening my big mouth, about anything.
I really do not have anything to lose.
I am not one to beat around the bush nor do I seem to pull any punches.
I went up stair to the office of operation, to a person who the new mayor relies on heavily and told them who i thought would be good...
My boss, the Lab Director, told be today that the Current health Director will be showing the mayor around the department on Friday in the morning. He discussed a name that came up in an abbreviated staff meeting and i told him what I had done.
He said "That's very bold of you."
In my head, I went huh?
I live in this town, I work in this town, I know the mayor and have no trouble opening my big mouth, about anything.
I really do not have anything to lose.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
alone
There have been a few difficult days at work, not because of my physical well being (which has not been great), not because my eyes were giving me grief (they were, but that is besides the point), and not because i am emotinoally distraught from other things (okay, i am that also, but still not my issue).
The problem seems to be no one seems to want to work any more.
Do the bare minimum and that is all there is to it.
Do no more, have no vision, no interest, no curiosity, no compassion.
It bothers me because as i struggle with all my physical issues, I am trying to do just a little bit more.
Responsibility seems to be my theme, as much as I can take as I try to get better.
Sometimes I feel like I am alone in this.
The problem seems to be no one seems to want to work any more.
Do the bare minimum and that is all there is to it.
Do no more, have no vision, no interest, no curiosity, no compassion.
It bothers me because as i struggle with all my physical issues, I am trying to do just a little bit more.
Responsibility seems to be my theme, as much as I can take as I try to get better.
Sometimes I feel like I am alone in this.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Dreams
There has been so much maneuvering, conflict and just plain things happening at work that it has invaded my dreams.
I am the only vocal person as far as the true cause of the problem (it really is not the dump, I promise) in the wells we have been testing, but at the same time I support the city doing as much as possible for the homeowners who find themselves in this difficult situation.
As sporadic tests from homes far away from the dump, with many homes without pesticides between are found, the powers that be are looking for a way out.
I am not sure I want to give them that way out because I was the only voice who said it was provable, but others challenged my credentials and my statements and now are needing to reexamine what i said.
Many have said quietly that it is not the dump and (fortunately, these are people not in power) gone on to say it is the homeowners problem. Those are the attitudes i can not stand.
The other is examining the various moves my own boss has made to my actions, as far as my Doctor's recommendations and the possibility that I would leave.
They are both compassionate and making a statement at the same time.
The loss of overtime does not bather me because the overtime I have worked for has gotten me in a decent position financially.
The loss of the work has me overjoyed and I am looking forward to having weekends again.
I do work about how the sampling will go, the collectors are not always with it and make some critical mistakes, but my coworker is unwilling to come in in my stead, so it is what it is.
All of this has created a bit of anxiety and thus the dreams, all dealing with the situations in various ways and scenarios.
I have to say I hope things begin to resolve and a Monday meeting coming up may help immensely.
I the meantime, for what ever reason, i am laughing and that above all else is a good thing.
I am the only vocal person as far as the true cause of the problem (it really is not the dump, I promise) in the wells we have been testing, but at the same time I support the city doing as much as possible for the homeowners who find themselves in this difficult situation.
As sporadic tests from homes far away from the dump, with many homes without pesticides between are found, the powers that be are looking for a way out.
I am not sure I want to give them that way out because I was the only voice who said it was provable, but others challenged my credentials and my statements and now are needing to reexamine what i said.
Many have said quietly that it is not the dump and (fortunately, these are people not in power) gone on to say it is the homeowners problem. Those are the attitudes i can not stand.
The other is examining the various moves my own boss has made to my actions, as far as my Doctor's recommendations and the possibility that I would leave.
They are both compassionate and making a statement at the same time.
The loss of overtime does not bather me because the overtime I have worked for has gotten me in a decent position financially.
The loss of the work has me overjoyed and I am looking forward to having weekends again.
I do work about how the sampling will go, the collectors are not always with it and make some critical mistakes, but my coworker is unwilling to come in in my stead, so it is what it is.
All of this has created a bit of anxiety and thus the dreams, all dealing with the situations in various ways and scenarios.
I have to say I hope things begin to resolve and a Monday meeting coming up may help immensely.
I the meantime, for what ever reason, i am laughing and that above all else is a good thing.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
A game of Chess
When I was younger, i loved to play chess and it helped that i was good at it.
I had a neighbor who was book learned in chess and played in tournaments,
I played for fun and did not study anything except the allowed moves.
I would regularly beat him.
I thought it was some kind of fluke, he was really into it and just enjoyed the game, so I would play others and would win way more than I lost.
I played a nationally ranked player when I was on vacation and we basically tied (1-1-1).
This is not about my ability to play chess, but I find myself in another chess game with work.
Some times it is a cat and mouse game, some times it is a game of strategy.
The other side has all the power pieces, but I seem to be making them squirm.
Today i delivered the letter from my doctor to my boss and found him squirming.
The bottom line is that they will try to do without the verification tests at this time and i do not need to come in on the week ends.
If any one challenges the tests to see if they were collected correctly or were kept at the proper temperature, there is no validation as of today and that is fine with me.
The reality was stated, "We need you here during the week and can not afford you to have a day off in the middle of the week, We will try this and see if they (the collectors of the samples) get it right."
I am leaving by 1 or 1:15 at the latest.
I feel better and I am laughing at the whole system.
Being civil service, there are limitations to what can happen.
There is a new administration coming in which is inheriting the actions taken to correct the problems found and is also frightened of the enormity of it, so much so that the political appointed position of "head of operations" (read public works here) will in all likelihood, remain on until the situation is resolved.
That gives more more bargaining power.
What is it i would really like?
The remain on in a part time capacity directing the work that the lab needs to do in the environmental area.
The easiest way for this to be accomplished?
To be allowed to retire in a disabled capacity (meaning I keep medical benefits) and be rehired in a supervisory capacity at 19 hours a week.
It has been done before and I am looking for the chance for it to happen again.
Meanwhile, the games go on and I, I am laughing!
I had a neighbor who was book learned in chess and played in tournaments,
I played for fun and did not study anything except the allowed moves.
I would regularly beat him.
I thought it was some kind of fluke, he was really into it and just enjoyed the game, so I would play others and would win way more than I lost.
I played a nationally ranked player when I was on vacation and we basically tied (1-1-1).
This is not about my ability to play chess, but I find myself in another chess game with work.
Some times it is a cat and mouse game, some times it is a game of strategy.
The other side has all the power pieces, but I seem to be making them squirm.
Today i delivered the letter from my doctor to my boss and found him squirming.
The bottom line is that they will try to do without the verification tests at this time and i do not need to come in on the week ends.
If any one challenges the tests to see if they were collected correctly or were kept at the proper temperature, there is no validation as of today and that is fine with me.
The reality was stated, "We need you here during the week and can not afford you to have a day off in the middle of the week, We will try this and see if they (the collectors of the samples) get it right."
I am leaving by 1 or 1:15 at the latest.
I feel better and I am laughing at the whole system.
Being civil service, there are limitations to what can happen.
There is a new administration coming in which is inheriting the actions taken to correct the problems found and is also frightened of the enormity of it, so much so that the political appointed position of "head of operations" (read public works here) will in all likelihood, remain on until the situation is resolved.
That gives more more bargaining power.
What is it i would really like?
The remain on in a part time capacity directing the work that the lab needs to do in the environmental area.
The easiest way for this to be accomplished?
To be allowed to retire in a disabled capacity (meaning I keep medical benefits) and be rehired in a supervisory capacity at 19 hours a week.
It has been done before and I am looking for the chance for it to happen again.
Meanwhile, the games go on and I, I am laughing!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Hell hath no fury like a chemist scorned?
The day started rough.
It was the eyes, of course, not focusing well through the glasses.
This has been occurring off and on for a week and then came today.
A lot of early interruptions made the little bit of work to finish difficult.
Then came the interesting part.
One of the people in another Department comes rushing in saying that they need to change a message on the machine and can not figure out how to do it from their phone.
No biggy, but I am with someone, they still can not figure it out and say they will come back.
Okay, this person gets paid more than me, is not dealing with eye problems, but I am just kind of perplexed.
They come back, I am in the middle of an analysis, they try again and I am telling them the instructions. They can not get it right, they blow up and say something to the effect of , "Why can't some one help me!" They storm out.
At this point, I am bemused.
My boss steps in, defending this person. i do not like that, he doesn't defend me.
He comes back a few minutes latter and asks if I will change the message. It is a simple thing, so just give me the message to put on the hotline.
More time passes and it finally comes, it takes me 2 seconds and it is done.
The person comes in a bit later and apologizes. I tell them to just ask.
1:30 PM, my eyes have had enough, I tell my boss I am going home. A person appears with a sample.
My boss calls me to help the person and then disappears.
I have to set up several tests and run them before I can leave. I am literally feeling my way through the tests, I have done these tests a million times and so it is second nature. I finish and am leaving and my boss reappears. I do not say anything. I am furious. I will be off tomorrow and that is a good thing.
I can guarantee, they have no clue....
It was the eyes, of course, not focusing well through the glasses.
This has been occurring off and on for a week and then came today.
A lot of early interruptions made the little bit of work to finish difficult.
Then came the interesting part.
One of the people in another Department comes rushing in saying that they need to change a message on the machine and can not figure out how to do it from their phone.
No biggy, but I am with someone, they still can not figure it out and say they will come back.
Okay, this person gets paid more than me, is not dealing with eye problems, but I am just kind of perplexed.
They come back, I am in the middle of an analysis, they try again and I am telling them the instructions. They can not get it right, they blow up and say something to the effect of , "Why can't some one help me!" They storm out.
At this point, I am bemused.
My boss steps in, defending this person. i do not like that, he doesn't defend me.
He comes back a few minutes latter and asks if I will change the message. It is a simple thing, so just give me the message to put on the hotline.
More time passes and it finally comes, it takes me 2 seconds and it is done.
The person comes in a bit later and apologizes. I tell them to just ask.
1:30 PM, my eyes have had enough, I tell my boss I am going home. A person appears with a sample.
My boss calls me to help the person and then disappears.
I have to set up several tests and run them before I can leave. I am literally feeling my way through the tests, I have done these tests a million times and so it is second nature. I finish and am leaving and my boss reappears. I do not say anything. I am furious. I will be off tomorrow and that is a good thing.
I can guarantee, they have no clue....
Thursday, October 15, 2009
A good day with lots to do.
I know my posts as of late have combined my struggles to recover with my work, but that is because work is taking so much of my time and has affected the recovery process.
However, work's intrusion into my mental process is unacceptable and I promise to eliminate that. I will solve what I can at work and leave it behind when I leave.
The rain out side is cold and chilling to the bone, but for some reason, I do not find it unpleasant.
I am watching the last roses of the year come as if to say, "You can not stop beauty.The slowly changing leaves provide color for my spirit and so I laugh even more.
At work someone called and asked what was going on besides the well issues at Scofield and I started laughing. He said it was good to hear someone laugh.
Today, I cannot barbecue because of the weather, but will do a honey glazed chicken instead in the oven, with the last few minutes on "Broil" to give it some crisp.
I am going to have to intervene with my Mom, her attitude is bad at times and of course that makes her talk of death.
The thing I know is that attitude can kill you and if you wish your self to death, it will happen. She has decide she is too old and frail to deal with things and wants to go into a home.
Some of that is her younger sister talking.
You see when she has good days, she is out shopping (and drives to the places) and eating out and enjoying life. The difference is that when she has bad days, she remembers nothing good, even if it was just the day before.
The doctors are not concerned with her health, they say she is health and strong, just having various pains for very common reasons, arthritis, scoliosis, a hiatal hernia, all of which combine to make one very unconfortable, but are not deadly. It is the mind that is deadly.
So one more thing on my plate, now if I could get released to do significant travel (still doctors restrictions for good reason) I might help her out, but for now it is a phone mission.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
I'm not "happy"
2 men are in an auto accident. One gets out and casually inspects the damage, the other comes out red in the face and really upset, but he is particularly short.
"I'm not happy!" He says
The other replies, "So which of the other 7 dwarfs are you?"
That is how the fight started...
I thought of this today as thing after thing just did not happen for me at work.
My 2 main supports sensed this and both came to visit for a bit, which was refreshing, but still the problems persist.
It seems I am the expert the city has on the Scofieldtown mess and so as people barrage them with questions, many are differed to me. And those making decisions are asking my input.
Now if they could only get my salary right...
Yes you heard me, I have been working 4 or 5 complete weekends and they got my hours correct on one of them. One they overpaid me and that had to get corrected the next weekend, the others they are putting in more and more furlough time (which is unpaid time) and so I get less and less in the check.
Of course my eyes are really bothering me and that is not helping my attitude.
I come home and really can not rest because I am agitated, so I do the next best thing, cook.
Tonight - Tacos and enchiladas and saffron rice - true comfort food!
While I buy the tortillas, everything else is from scratch, so it does taste good.
Of course my little plight seems to pale into insignificance compared to my blog friends from the Philippines. Please visit any of the following blogs
cherie of this side of town
a small group of friends in the Salttype society
I think if you visit these 2, you will be drawn into the rest of the collection of an amazing group of people who have just suffered (and maybe suffering again) astounding loss.
"I'm not happy!" He says
The other replies, "So which of the other 7 dwarfs are you?"
That is how the fight started...
I thought of this today as thing after thing just did not happen for me at work.
My 2 main supports sensed this and both came to visit for a bit, which was refreshing, but still the problems persist.
It seems I am the expert the city has on the Scofieldtown mess and so as people barrage them with questions, many are differed to me. And those making decisions are asking my input.
Now if they could only get my salary right...
Yes you heard me, I have been working 4 or 5 complete weekends and they got my hours correct on one of them. One they overpaid me and that had to get corrected the next weekend, the others they are putting in more and more furlough time (which is unpaid time) and so I get less and less in the check.
Of course my eyes are really bothering me and that is not helping my attitude.
I come home and really can not rest because I am agitated, so I do the next best thing, cook.
Tonight - Tacos and enchiladas and saffron rice - true comfort food!
While I buy the tortillas, everything else is from scratch, so it does taste good.
Of course my little plight seems to pale into insignificance compared to my blog friends from the Philippines. Please visit any of the following blogs
cherie of this side of town
a small group of friends in the Salttype society
I think if you visit these 2, you will be drawn into the rest of the collection of an amazing group of people who have just suffered (and maybe suffering again) astounding loss.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Distractions from a day
Outside, the neighborhood children are playing football.
The ages range from 9 to the mid-teens.
They play well together.
They all play, they all get a chance.
It is in our very non-busy street, so it is touch football, but they play hard.
It is wonderful to watch.
To me this is what inter mural sports does not give, a sense of neighborhood.
They are all colors and shapes and sizes.
It is so much better than what I experienced at work today.
My dreams have been more interesting, lighter, significantly more spiritual.
I am tired.
They had in the paper how the city employees are working over time to test houses in the Scofield area. They did not mention me and i am glad. I do not want notoriety, i want the job done, and done thoroughly.
My boss was out today and we got much awaited results.
I felt like I was screaming, but I was not.
I had to push to get things processed and delivered.
I have to talk to the state lab often when my boss is out, so my time is not spent on analysis.
I know what I would feel like if my house were in the area.
Okay, maybe i would not be as concerned, because i think my exposure as a chemist to nasty chemicals has been significantly more than all those people combined, but i have empathy for what they are feeling and want results back as soon as possible and then processed quickly. I do not think others have that same sense of urgency, but i may be mistaken.
I think there will be one or two more weeks of working both days of the weekend and then it should slow down.
My advice to people seeking water tests have changed, there is more empathy and understanding. Some homes were built on undeveloped land and so they have little to worry about, many were built on old farms and those are the ones that concerns me, but that is work and it has enveloped my brain much of the time.
I was very tired at work. When I came home my nap was complete and I woke refreshed. Then I saw the football game on the street and a smile came to my face.
That was good.
The ages range from 9 to the mid-teens.
They play well together.
They all play, they all get a chance.
It is in our very non-busy street, so it is touch football, but they play hard.
It is wonderful to watch.
To me this is what inter mural sports does not give, a sense of neighborhood.
They are all colors and shapes and sizes.
It is so much better than what I experienced at work today.
My dreams have been more interesting, lighter, significantly more spiritual.
I am tired.
They had in the paper how the city employees are working over time to test houses in the Scofield area. They did not mention me and i am glad. I do not want notoriety, i want the job done, and done thoroughly.
My boss was out today and we got much awaited results.
I felt like I was screaming, but I was not.
I had to push to get things processed and delivered.
I have to talk to the state lab often when my boss is out, so my time is not spent on analysis.
I know what I would feel like if my house were in the area.
Okay, maybe i would not be as concerned, because i think my exposure as a chemist to nasty chemicals has been significantly more than all those people combined, but i have empathy for what they are feeling and want results back as soon as possible and then processed quickly. I do not think others have that same sense of urgency, but i may be mistaken.
I think there will be one or two more weeks of working both days of the weekend and then it should slow down.
My advice to people seeking water tests have changed, there is more empathy and understanding. Some homes were built on undeveloped land and so they have little to worry about, many were built on old farms and those are the ones that concerns me, but that is work and it has enveloped my brain much of the time.
I was very tired at work. When I came home my nap was complete and I woke refreshed. Then I saw the football game on the street and a smile came to my face.
That was good.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Mercy Street
That song by Peter Gabriel has been running through my head, it kninda fits, getting off working 4 hours for each day, Saturday and Sunday. Today was actually more difficult because there are constant phone ca;;s, people wanting information. I was rereading the initial analysis from the EPA group that did a very limited study of the problem and they blame the dump, at least partially. I wonder if they had been thorough if they would have reached the same conclusion.
More review of my data and ensuring what I have put in is correct. I start to get a bit impatient with the people collecting the samples because they do it only on weekends and continue their normal work (which i do the analytical support for) during the week. People call wondering why the info lines on the beaches (the season closed Labor day) has not been updated. People asking why the shellfish beds have not had the water tested (maybe cause it does not matter since the FDA said meat samples have to be taken before the beds can be opened). Life goes on and it is enough for me to keep busy anyway and then i am still dealing with the Scofield thing. I have ticks to start up in a few weeks (the final hurrah before winter) and then there are swimming pools (yes, from of all places the new Trump parc building with one tenant who wants the pool opened),
My boss looked at me today and asked if the weekend work was too much for me, i do not think he quite understands yet.
I see my GP on Thursday and start the discussion about disability, that should be interesting.
The song still goes through my head and for what ever reason, i am at peace.
More review of my data and ensuring what I have put in is correct. I start to get a bit impatient with the people collecting the samples because they do it only on weekends and continue their normal work (which i do the analytical support for) during the week. People call wondering why the info lines on the beaches (the season closed Labor day) has not been updated. People asking why the shellfish beds have not had the water tested (maybe cause it does not matter since the FDA said meat samples have to be taken before the beds can be opened). Life goes on and it is enough for me to keep busy anyway and then i am still dealing with the Scofield thing. I have ticks to start up in a few weeks (the final hurrah before winter) and then there are swimming pools (yes, from of all places the new Trump parc building with one tenant who wants the pool opened),
My boss looked at me today and asked if the weekend work was too much for me, i do not think he quite understands yet.
I see my GP on Thursday and start the discussion about disability, that should be interesting.
The song still goes through my head and for what ever reason, i am at peace.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Recovery ... Delayed
Why?
The short answer is because i am back to work.
The long answer is that because i am the one with the chemical/environmental background and there is no one else, the public and the city officials are heavily dependent on me.
This is not a good thing.
And Grant knows it well, but they are calling me in for weekends.
The short answer is the Scofieldtown dump.
The long answer is that the environmental health director refuses to do sampling during the work days and so it must be done on weekends.
My part? I have to ensure that samples are collected and kept properly before they are sent to the state lab.
And there are certain tests that are done before hand to ensure that.
I also set up the first level of sampling, but further sampling is being directed by the office of operations now.
Then there is the paperwork that must be filled out for each sample and the I record everything in the labs database.
That is all on the days the sampling occurs. A few other things I can do a few days after, mostly for my understanding of the soil and how things track, but they are not critical either.
The tests are titrations and tax my eyes significantly, so the few hours I spent were me out significantly.
Why do I do this? Because there really is a health issue and there is no one else to do it.
I consider it extremely important for the residents in that area to have this info and so I will delay things for a bit.
Anyone from Stamford want to know what a crazy chemist recovering from this brain tumor operation with "Diplopia" has to sacrifice in order to ensure your well being? It is all here.
This is a new twist to my adventure and today, I took off so I can have a day to relax my eyes.
I will continue to do this until the sampling is over.
The short answer is because i am back to work.
The long answer is that because i am the one with the chemical/environmental background and there is no one else, the public and the city officials are heavily dependent on me.
This is not a good thing.
And Grant knows it well, but they are calling me in for weekends.
The short answer is the Scofieldtown dump.
The long answer is that the environmental health director refuses to do sampling during the work days and so it must be done on weekends.
My part? I have to ensure that samples are collected and kept properly before they are sent to the state lab.
And there are certain tests that are done before hand to ensure that.
I also set up the first level of sampling, but further sampling is being directed by the office of operations now.
Then there is the paperwork that must be filled out for each sample and the I record everything in the labs database.
That is all on the days the sampling occurs. A few other things I can do a few days after, mostly for my understanding of the soil and how things track, but they are not critical either.
The tests are titrations and tax my eyes significantly, so the few hours I spent were me out significantly.
Why do I do this? Because there really is a health issue and there is no one else to do it.
I consider it extremely important for the residents in that area to have this info and so I will delay things for a bit.
Anyone from Stamford want to know what a crazy chemist recovering from this brain tumor operation with "Diplopia" has to sacrifice in order to ensure your well being? It is all here.
This is a new twist to my adventure and today, I took off so I can have a day to relax my eyes.
I will continue to do this until the sampling is over.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
A Day in the Life of a Civil Servant
This usually sounds like an oxymoron.
I agree!
This is where the struggles about my job come in because I am classified as a civil servant and as some one who has been working in that classification for almost 30 years, unless I do something extremely stupid, I am untouchable.
That is my struggle because i never worked like a civil servant.
My actual job classification is lab technician, which according to the specs means I am suppose to do what ever tests my boss tells me. Nothing more.
When I was hired, I already had 4 years working in my field in private and corporate industry, I did not like the lying, deceiving and the general attitude most had. I could have just done my job, but it never was enough for me, I was, well, Curious, inquisitive and interested in the meaning of what i did.
I could go on, but that is corporate life and I went in to a local government job.
Where you have to be really stupid to loose your job.
You can insolent, surly and unhelpful and it does not matter.
You can do a poor job it does not matter.
You can yell at your boss and as long as you don't threaten him, it does not matter.
And forget about the public, they just paid your salary.
But I was not like that, could not be like that. I actually tried to help people.
When I was hired, my boss wanted to have environmental testing go to a different level, he was a very good microbiologist and teacher, but he had very little clue about environmental chemistry. He gave me that job and a long rope.
I started expanding the testing, some tests I later dropped because they did not have meaning, I expanded in other areas.
There years after starting, I published my first research. Local government people do not do research, they do not publish. I did.
If you have every seen the movie "The Matrix", you know that Neo saw patterns in the matrix.
I see patterns in data and then try to get the computers to help me prove it.
This is why I learned programing.
Sometimes I am wrong, but not often.
10 years after being hired, I established something called a preemptive closure for the beaches for bathing. No one else had done it at that time. That got the attention of the state health department and then the US EPA. Local people do not do that. I did.
Then I became certified by the DEA as a Forensic Chemist, we were one of the very few local health departments to do it (the others were all large cities).
We started the first tick testing program in the state.
All this was with my boss' blessing, but I did not have to do it.
In the water testing, everyone with well water would ask me about the info on their water. We would get calls on the water company water. I would answer them all and try to be as helpful as I could.
My basic role was to either reassure people everything was really okay, guide them in to proper corrective action or warn them of whatever serious item existed.
The tests I did cost the city money sometimes.
It was if word of mouth was that if you had a question about many things environmental, the person to get the straight answer from was me.
I kept me busy.
In civil service, if there are evaluations, they are meaningless. There are no merit raises or punishments.
I evaluate myself.
I am finding it difficult to do this anymore. I am needing to turn questions away because I actually can not handle a lot.
I am evaluating myself.
I am finding myself lacking.
I had a final publication in July, I did all the work two years earlier.
I do not know if when i leave the replacement will want to do things or be interested, it is not my problem, but i am looking to a time of leaving and it is bittersweet.
I agree!
This is where the struggles about my job come in because I am classified as a civil servant and as some one who has been working in that classification for almost 30 years, unless I do something extremely stupid, I am untouchable.
That is my struggle because i never worked like a civil servant.
My actual job classification is lab technician, which according to the specs means I am suppose to do what ever tests my boss tells me. Nothing more.
When I was hired, I already had 4 years working in my field in private and corporate industry, I did not like the lying, deceiving and the general attitude most had. I could have just done my job, but it never was enough for me, I was, well, Curious, inquisitive and interested in the meaning of what i did.
I could go on, but that is corporate life and I went in to a local government job.
Where you have to be really stupid to loose your job.
You can insolent, surly and unhelpful and it does not matter.
You can do a poor job it does not matter.
You can yell at your boss and as long as you don't threaten him, it does not matter.
And forget about the public, they just paid your salary.
But I was not like that, could not be like that. I actually tried to help people.
When I was hired, my boss wanted to have environmental testing go to a different level, he was a very good microbiologist and teacher, but he had very little clue about environmental chemistry. He gave me that job and a long rope.
I started expanding the testing, some tests I later dropped because they did not have meaning, I expanded in other areas.
There years after starting, I published my first research. Local government people do not do research, they do not publish. I did.
If you have every seen the movie "The Matrix", you know that Neo saw patterns in the matrix.
I see patterns in data and then try to get the computers to help me prove it.
This is why I learned programing.
Sometimes I am wrong, but not often.
10 years after being hired, I established something called a preemptive closure for the beaches for bathing. No one else had done it at that time. That got the attention of the state health department and then the US EPA. Local people do not do that. I did.
Then I became certified by the DEA as a Forensic Chemist, we were one of the very few local health departments to do it (the others were all large cities).
We started the first tick testing program in the state.
All this was with my boss' blessing, but I did not have to do it.
In the water testing, everyone with well water would ask me about the info on their water. We would get calls on the water company water. I would answer them all and try to be as helpful as I could.
My basic role was to either reassure people everything was really okay, guide them in to proper corrective action or warn them of whatever serious item existed.
The tests I did cost the city money sometimes.
It was if word of mouth was that if you had a question about many things environmental, the person to get the straight answer from was me.
I kept me busy.
In civil service, if there are evaluations, they are meaningless. There are no merit raises or punishments.
I evaluate myself.
I am finding it difficult to do this anymore. I am needing to turn questions away because I actually can not handle a lot.
I am evaluating myself.
I am finding myself lacking.
I had a final publication in July, I did all the work two years earlier.
I do not know if when i leave the replacement will want to do things or be interested, it is not my problem, but i am looking to a time of leaving and it is bittersweet.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Working fo the City
I had some one read the comments for the letters to the editor about the board of fiances anti 3% thing.
If I told you that I am surprised at the animosity I heard in the remarks, would you be surprised?
I have worked for the City of Stamford for almost 30 years, I have worked in large and small corporations and independent labs as well. I did well in the big oil company, but it was not my thing. I did not do well with the secrecy and disregard for consumers health in the small corporation. i was down right disgusted with the lies and falsifications in the independent lab.
I came to work for the city because i thought I might make a difference. I was right. In the 30 years that i have worked I think I have managed to help over half the population in one way or another, through tick testing or lead screening or rabies testing or water analysis or forensic testing or screening for bio terrorist agents or just giving oput freely the mass of information i have accumulated over these 30 years on any number of topics.. Some times I can not help, most of the times I can.
I didn't take the job for the money, but at the time the money was okay even compared to offers I had from other corporations in the area.
I did not take the job for the benefits, but as everyone reading this blog knows, I needed and am using those benefits during a very difficult time.
I work as a chemist, but my title is a lab technician. The work I do would get me at least 20 K more a year in the private sector, but i would not be happy and it would not help people the way i do now.
Could I do with out a 3% increase this July, yes, but i also make on the high end of the scale for the union that I am in. I do have a problem with the issue that it seems to be a pissing contest between the Board of Representatives and the Board of Finance and I do have a problem with the way people talk about people who work for the city as if they are less than nothing.
Most of us live here to.
If I told you that I am surprised at the animosity I heard in the remarks, would you be surprised?
I have worked for the City of Stamford for almost 30 years, I have worked in large and small corporations and independent labs as well. I did well in the big oil company, but it was not my thing. I did not do well with the secrecy and disregard for consumers health in the small corporation. i was down right disgusted with the lies and falsifications in the independent lab.
I came to work for the city because i thought I might make a difference. I was right. In the 30 years that i have worked I think I have managed to help over half the population in one way or another, through tick testing or lead screening or rabies testing or water analysis or forensic testing or screening for bio terrorist agents or just giving oput freely the mass of information i have accumulated over these 30 years on any number of topics.. Some times I can not help, most of the times I can.
I didn't take the job for the money, but at the time the money was okay even compared to offers I had from other corporations in the area.
I did not take the job for the benefits, but as everyone reading this blog knows, I needed and am using those benefits during a very difficult time.
I work as a chemist, but my title is a lab technician. The work I do would get me at least 20 K more a year in the private sector, but i would not be happy and it would not help people the way i do now.
Could I do with out a 3% increase this July, yes, but i also make on the high end of the scale for the union that I am in. I do have a problem with the issue that it seems to be a pissing contest between the Board of Representatives and the Board of Finance and I do have a problem with the way people talk about people who work for the city as if they are less than nothing.
Most of us live here to.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Reflections, again. I do it a lot!
Didn't feel like posting yesterday, but felt fine. Today was a must.
I remember at the beginning, before the operation, being afraid of death.
I don't know if i am not afraid any more or if it just does not matter anymore.
I do know I am no longer afraid of living.
Having almost died 3 times within the adventure, I found that each experience was not that big a deal.
I do not like being so dependent on others (not being able to drive is a pain, especially in Stamford), they have enough on their plate.
I know I was always too timid in many ways. Now I find myself speaking my mind easily.
I am still careful about others, I find being kind easier.
stayed til 2 Pm at work, i realized that i am putting in almost a full day ( 7 hours, I am doing 6) and that I am enjoying it when i am busy, busy.
I am taking on certification testing now and will have a state/federal inspection soon.
This all keeps me going.
I remember at the beginning, before the operation, being afraid of death.
I don't know if i am not afraid any more or if it just does not matter anymore.
I do know I am no longer afraid of living.
Having almost died 3 times within the adventure, I found that each experience was not that big a deal.
I do not like being so dependent on others (not being able to drive is a pain, especially in Stamford), they have enough on their plate.
I know I was always too timid in many ways. Now I find myself speaking my mind easily.
I am still careful about others, I find being kind easier.
stayed til 2 Pm at work, i realized that i am putting in almost a full day ( 7 hours, I am doing 6) and that I am enjoying it when i am busy, busy.
I am taking on certification testing now and will have a state/federal inspection soon.
This all keeps me going.
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