About Me

My photo

Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Monday, February 2, 2009

perspective

I do remember why I started so many posts in August, it was an attempt to chronicle my recovery for myself because memory sometimes fades and sometimes does not exist for this "Adventure". I believe I may be entering the end game, but doubts occur, some days are not so clear or good, some days are filled with doubt and confusion. Some days, I think I will never be without a problem, some days, I am full of hope that the end is near. There seems to be so much I am able to learn about myself during my time of reflection, prayer and meditation. I can not say that my mind is quite during those times, but I try not to guide my thoughts so I can see what is really going on.

There is an unusual aside concerning being out of work, the machine that died, the only one that allows us to do metals, is on the verge of being replaced and without it, I think I would go out of my mind. Oh, there is enough bacteria work, computer work and insect work to keep me some what occupied, but I always liked being stretched to just beyond my ability, it ensured learning and growth. I find that essential for my life.

At this time, everyday is stretched beyond my ability and I do exhaust myself regularly and that is only doing simple things. I wonder what it will be like being back in the lab, because the day is coming, but I have to be able to clean small things for more than an hour before I tire myself out. The walks with David help. The exercise, both in the morning and night, help. The small glass of somethings alcoholic before I go to bed, helps calm me and put me to sleep. The quiet time in the morning helps direct me. Eating right is helping me put an end to weight gain.

Eating right can be a chore at best.

I stopped a med, Gemfibrozil (for triglycerides and cholesterol ) because, the pill kept getting stuck in my throat and dissolving and really irritating the hell out of it. I looked at the chemical formula and saw an end acetic acid group and realized why, my doctor has something different for me. With that action and the Prevacid taken, it seems that things are getting better. There is still a tickle in the throat that will set up a coughing spell at anytime (water is particularly bad).

There are daily eye and mental exercises that stimulate me, but also tire me out.

I now can show people what I do see, with the help of the glasses and people are horrified at what I see and amazed that I am up an about.

I still love to cook, it is the precursor to being back in the lab.

My friends do not want me to be out alone, there is a real fear that what happened in December will repeat. They almost lost me that time.

I can not wait (anticipation), for the day I do not have to wear glasses, mostly because getting up and seeing the confusion from my eyes when I wake up is disconcerting at best.

I can't say I actually enjoy exploring the depths of my soul (lots of pain there), but I have been afforded a unique opportunity at this time and I am taking advantage of it.

This is my current adventure, to love and hate, at the same time.
Post a Comment