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Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Hope

I have what is called an extremely analytical mind, one of the reasons I work as an analytical chemist. All through school, the teachers, etc..., tested me and I had high marks for abstract reasoning. What this means is that I am good at solving puzzles, figuring things out, solving problems, they told me my IQ was in the 160's, whatever that means.
All that problem solving ability really does not mean a whole lot when the pieces are missing are the picture is not clear. The right side of the brain, where i am told all this comes from, is left going Huh?
Losing absolutely all of it helped revive a starving part of the brain, the place where painting and compassion and love, come in.
I am left with a strange by-product. hope. Unquenchable, undeniable, unreasonable hope. It completely flies in the face of all reason and where i should feel despair, i feel that things will resolve themselves.
I have several close friends going through terrible things and every thing looks black and dark to them and i keep seeing an end that is positive, I feel it!
Sometimes they can not stand to be around me, because what i say or feel makes no sense, it flies completely in the face of all the facts.
Everyone expects that some fantastic miracle will happen and i will suddenly see correctly. They are very disappointed every day that i do not, but me, ah, me.
I see improvement, nit necessarily daily, but from 3 months ago and i know it will be over and each day i do not see correctly physically, gives me a new chance to see things without seeing.
That my friends is the hope that is in me.
and then comes Paul, not my favorite character, "Not by sight...."
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