I did not remove this morning post.
There are so many strange things going on and it fit with the strangeness.
I lose short term memory for a short while at times, forgetting peoples names, but not the faces. Have trouble dealing with the large quantity of work, which will decrease in September.
The memory thing is a point of exhaustion and pain - after going through the examination at SUNY, the muscles in my eyes hurt. They are being worked particularly hard and it lasts at least one day. That the tires the rest of me out and my functioning level is one small thing at a time, but i still have to sort it out at work because 5 things are thrown at me at once.
That creates its own confusion and I struggle to make sense of it all as it is coming at me.
I do not get any help.
I am actually looking at a disability retirement possibility.
This is also hard.
For so many years I have been defined by what I do and can do, it does not work for me anymore and I am looking to be free of that trap. I think it lets you be used.
It is who i am that is important, not what I do.
Those crazy free verse prose that come out of my heart, they tell the story.
The inspiration that comes when i see a picture or scene that i want to paint, not the painting itself, but the inspiration, that is what is important.
It is the flowers in the garden I tend and the fragrances of the herbs that are in there that make my life, well happy.
I have peppermint all over my hand right now and it is wonderful.
That I can see the ecological stupidity of paths that progress and the desire for corrective action are creating, well, that is my knowledge.
And that is important also.