I had the opportunity to tell the story of all that has happened to me in the past year twice to people who i had not seen in a while.
Despite all the trouble and the difficulty and the frustration, when i tell it, there is great joy in recounting the number of times that I could have died and operating room voices and finally the little bit that is left, the double vision and I am always able to joke about it. One was cooking chicken, so I said, "if I take my glasses off, there is twice as much!" To another, I simply said, "there are great advantages to seeing two image of a beautiful person (for me it is a female)."
As difficult as it is in getting around, there are things I can be glad of.
One person asked if this had ruined all my plans.
I said simply, no, it may have accelerated them.
That it has lasted as long as it has, maybe my way out that I have been preparing for for a long time.
When I started working, I did not have many goals, just to do what I could, but thing evolve and slowly goals began to evolve and clarity began.
There were so many things I accomplished by just stumbling in on them.
When my goals became clear, there was one I never thought I would make and that was to work with the CDC. That did happen during the first year of the West Nile Outbreak and I was satisfied.
My other goals were more personal.
When I lost my ability to paint, I wanted that back.
Some how this trip I have been on has awakened it and I paint despite double vision and hurting eyes.
I was looking forward to retiring at 58 and moving to Virginia (I have a place and loads of people I know).
I might be able to do that sooner all because the double vision is still with me.
When I look at it that way, I can deal.
There are amazing things that can open up when I am still enough to listen and watch.