Saturday, September 26, 2009

It has been a year

Everyday is a struggle.
Everyday is a fight.
Everyday is hard.
I struggle with vision,
that even with prisms,
splits and wobbles.
I struggle to stand and walk. everyday.
To make my body do what my mind wants.
even tho the path is distorted and muddles.
Everyday, not some day, not most days,
Everyday.

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I am not sure, but I think I can almost related to those of you with MS, whose body will not obey the mind. Who watch their muscle deteriorate through a cause they can not control.

Me? I simply have too much information coming in, my mind is not still able to deal with it and it gets confused. while typing letters are switched, keys are missed, doubles of the same letter are moved to the next.
Writing becomes more interesting with 9s becoming 4s and vice a versa. 5s becoming 8 and the reverse.

It has been a year since I came out of the Hospital and I wonder how long I can keep this up.

Sometimes I lose it, get angry, upset and want to give up, but yes I am a fighter, I do not.

8 comments:

Gail said...

HI JOEY-

.........sigh. I feel you fears and worries and also your determination. I SO get the inability to control my body at times - not all the time, some times. And you wrote "I don't know how much longer I can do this......". At least for today you can, and who knows about tomorrow??. It is beautiful in Connecticut today - cool and crisp - breathe.

Love and understanding
Gail
peace and hope

Barry said...

Sometimes it must just seem overwhelming. Hang in there my friend.

Between the pain and frustration are things of peace and delight still waiting to be discovered, if only momentarily.

Susan English Mason said...

I so admire your courage and resolve to get up every morning and put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Maybe I'm being selfish but I need you to keep inspiring me.

Scarlet said...

What an inspirational post! It's fighters like you that make other people want to move forward as well.

Here are your five words for the game:

Challenge
Vision
Spirit
Power
Solitude

Let me know when your post is up! You know I'll be back. :)

Have a great weekend, my friend!!

Jeannette StG said...

Glad that you keep on going, Joey! That's the only way to go :)

I looked up my "show" of big 24 x 24 flower paintings for you - on my blog it is the post of January 26 of this year 1/26/09
Enjoy!

betchai said...

though everyday is a struggle, but glad you keep on going. i guess we all have our share of struggles, just differently, i admire you for your strength.

listen for azure said...

You know, Joey, every time I'm having a really, really hard day and don't know what I'm going to do or how I'm going to make it through, I come here. You make it better, you always do.

I hope your day got better. I wish I could sell 5 days of my life to give you your sight back and make the world stop moving around so much on you. I can't, but instead, I'm working on a post about you and how you've changed my world. To its core.

HUGS from over here.

Annie Coe said...

Big hugs.