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Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Thoughts of violence, murder and mayham

With the struggles going on, my mindsome time glitches to dreams/daydreams of violence.
I am not alarmed, it shows what is in me.
In that knowledge, I am given power to not be those things.
Some where its says to bring all things to the light and they will become light.
I do not run and hide and think i am evil for having those thoughts, but i embrace them as part of me and then they become powerless. That was a great lesson learned many years ago as I struggled with the angers inside of me.
The one dram was of killing the people who robbed my recently widowed neighbor of her butternut squash. The other was fighting a perceived bully(adult) of one of the neighborhood children.
If you think about it, those thoughts are very justified in those situations, but i do know another way and so can follow it.

There are times, like yesterdays post, i do feel overwhelmed, the pain of being seems to swallow me.
It is funny. but some words from one of the "Star Trek" movies always comes back to be, ""I want my pain, I need my pain. It defines who I am."
And so the strength so many people see comes directly from my pain, that I embrace and do not run away from.
Along the way i find people who emphasize with me and understand my struggles and it gives me strength.
I find people with their own struggles and pain and they give me strength.
Our pain and struggles and pain are part of the human condition, the love and support we give to each other is devine.
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