Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Dreams and perceptions

The dream was charged with action,
Aliens, violence, death.
Not the stuff that makes for a restful night.
She appeared in a doorway,
"Are you alright"? she queried.
She nodded her head, knowing i was.
"I'll check on you later." and she vanished out of sight.
The remainder of the night was peaceful.

I hear voices, they are not dreams, but real.
It is David, but the voice does not fit.
He sounds older than he should.
I have been stuck in time,
Where David is still 30 and I am 26.
We all seem so much younger in my mind's eye, time has not aged us.

Agelessness is an awesome thing.
I no longer know how old I am.

In a few days, it will be the anniversary of my "fall", the one which put me in the hospital still one more time.
This fall put an end to the nightmare of running "a quart low" on cerebral spinal fluid.
Where the shut, put in to remove swelling, worked to well and actually had my brain concave.
I have little memory of last November. I checked my blog and the past is not there either.
most people who saw me said that I acted like some one with severe brain damage, retarded, with slurring speech and slow purposeful movements of my walk.
It was too much and I collapsed on a pavement at a nearby gas station.
The hospital stay was only a nightmare of lights and sounds and worried, frightened people.
These were the people who sat by me afraid for me, worried i would not make it.
A doctor came and shut off the shunt and memory and reason came back to me.
And that was the third time I missed death.
The first the tumor.
The second, the operation and this was the third.
The last thing that i held dear had been taken from me for a season and then given back.
Along with my reason, came my muse, my ability to paint and a sudden ability with free verse.
Emotion came strong making weep at simple things.
I am thankful, very thankful for everything i have.

8 comments:

Lou said...

Wow, I loved the last couple sentences. And there is nothing wrong with weeping at simple things. Sometimes the simple things are so beautiful they hurt my eyes.

Jeannette StG said...

and I am thankful you made it through and that we(blogger) have you!

Lori said...

I am thankful for you Joey. I can only imagine your journey. I do know that on the rough days, don't give up. Your body is healing and so is your mind. In time, they will work well and in synch together. You are always in my prayers. Please keep painting.

Annie Coe said...

Gratitude is such a gift. Love and blessings to you Joey.

Ileana said...

Joey, your writing and artwork are gifts...and YOU are a blessing!

ExtraO said...

:-)

Gail said...

HI JOAEY-

your spirit never collapsed - despite your physical fall. I feel your gifts and renewed wisdom and positive desire to live fully -
I am in awe of your memory of such trauma - I know what that is like - I honor your mind and your heart and soul - you are a miracle. I am privileged to know you.

Love Gail
peace.....

Woman in a Window said...

Holy crap. It's hard to imagine what you've been through. And to momentarily lose yourself, not just your health, but your SELF, holy crap. Really. Gratitude indeed. I'm grateful for you.
xo
erin