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Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Monday, December 21, 2009

I don't think so...

I was not always the way I am today, emotionally and Spiritually that is.
I wanted to be, but I struggled with the "Me First" syndrome a great deal.
I would seem to make progress, but things would pull me back Whether it was fear (I had a great deal growing up), self loathing (lack of encouragement does not help), plain old selfishness (we all have some of that) or any other excuss that i could think of.
I had distractions, I had unmet desires and they became first and prevent me from ever getting where I wanted to be and that was free.
Who would have thought that facing my worse fear (the fear of death) from a tumor the size of my fist would have crystallized my heart and mind so.
There are things i still want, desires I still have,but they do not overwhelm me as much.
At work, I have my science and my knowledge, but i am more concerned with the consequences about those things i find.
I do get shouted down a great deal, because most seem interested in just the facts and how they can not do anything more.
That happens a lot and they wonder why people get mad with them, they are not getting mad with me when I talk to the. I am not surprised anymore.
It was not a good start this morning. My friend, who gives me a ride in the morning had her car die on her. I could not walk because we were plastered with our first snow and it was a good one - 10" or more.
I actually thought it was pretty and even threw some snow balls with some neighborhood kids.
But snow is what is when you need to get to work, tough and I got in an hour late (the bus system failed me this time).
Having compassion for people seems to change your entire outlook, things are not easy, life can be down right hard, but that is not so important.
It is how you face things.
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