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Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Valentines Day confession

Valentines Day is a strange "holiday" to me.
It is some what schizophrenic.
For those in good (and maybe not so good relationships) is is a day of performance.
Things are expected and given and taken as a profession of love.
That is not a bad thing, because people need to remember to say I love you at least once a year, but if it has to be forced, why bother.
I have been on that side of the coin and it was not so bad, but my preference was surprising her with sudden gifts or flowers or diners, they were more real to me and said much more.
So yes I am a romantic at heart, but then there is the other side.
This is the side where one is no in a relationship or in a bad one and nothing happens and nothing is expected and if flowers are given, it is all "Pro forma" with nothing behind it.
That is very depressing and if you have no one, you think there is something wrong with you because you do not have anyone and that is depressing. 
I suspect there are some very significant drinking binges that occur at this time because of this situation.
I said, I have been on both sides and now I am on neither.
How?
Love is.
I have 5 very special relationships with the opposite sex and none is romantic.  Three will never be because they are married people, but their husband know and respect me, so it will not go there.
The other 2, I do not know where they are leading.
Both are special people and I am most attracted to who they are (or rather who they have become) in the midst of trouble and will not cause them any more until they are ready for a relationship again (if ever), but they are special.
The more important issue is that, If valentines day is a day to celebrate love (and not what its initials stand for, as we joke at STD clinic) then I have loved many times, some times accepted, some times rejected and some time torn asunder by forces way greater than either of us.
I can celebrate that,
I can celebrate that I look to give a little bit of my self (and in that, it means my love) everyday that I ow live.  I do not need a special day to proclaim that, it is who I am.
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