it is not a blizzard
and it is a welcome relief from the terrible cold of the other day,
but i am struggling in my heart
and every thing is "why?".
i do not have answers,
I do not have direction.
I seem to plod along,
wandering in the snow.
what they are for
and for but a moment,
i do not know.
All things pass
and become the past
as will this
and probably by mid morn i will be fine.
Slip, slosh, slog, slosh. Slip
I make my way slowly today,
I am going too early and too late for a ride.
Past the sacred Heart Church,
Down the steep slope of Smith Street.
I have made it down the slope of Pine.
Streets with no houses, but streets of great importance,
A great noise - crows
replaced by a louder noise - geese
Cross the new pedestrian way of the Mill River Bridge.
I still ponder what was going through my head earlier,
But am distracted by the mere act of surviving the walk.
Survival is not all what it is about,
But I am not interested
in the yelling and the fighting and the anger
that seems to be part of what everyone else calls “surviving”.
I have no interest in that.
No desire for that.
I tend to withdraw now with that,
But do not provoke the beast, there is still bite left.
Do not corner him, do not push him.
And I still ponder the meaning of this thing called life…
And i still ask, why?
Why am i still here?
This is deep
and i can fall into an abbyss thinking.
I do not need to think,
but to be,
There are answers,
but i do not have to know them,
i just know that there are answers.
It is good enough for me.