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Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The meaning of Living and life

A light layer of white lays on the ground,
it is not a blizzard
and it is a welcome relief from the terrible cold of the other day,

but i am struggling in my heart

and every thing is "why?".

i do not have answers,

I do not have direction.

I seem to plod along,

wandering in the snow.


Work,
 life,
 living.

what they are for

and for but a moment,

i do not know.

All things pass

and become the past

as will this

and probably by mid morn i will be fine.

Slip, slosh, slog, slosh. Slip
I make my way slowly today,
Carefully.
I am going too early and too late for a ride.
Past the sacred Heart Church,
Down the steep slope of Smith Street.
I have made it down the slope of Pine.
Streets with no houses, but streets of great importance,
To me.

A great noise - crows
replaced by a louder noise - geese
Cross the new pedestrian way of the Mill River Bridge.
I still ponder what was going through my head earlier,
But am distracted by the mere act of surviving the walk.
Survival is not all what it is about,
But I am not interested
in the yelling and the fighting and the anger
that seems to be part of what everyone else calls “surviving”.
I have no interest in that.
No desire for that.
I tend to withdraw now with that,
But do not provoke the beast, there is still bite left.
Do not corner him, do not push him.
And I still ponder the meaning of this thing called life…

And i still ask, why?

Why am i still here?

This is deep

and i can fall into an abbyss thinking.

I do not need to think,
but to be,

There are answers,
but i do not have to know them,
i just know that there are answers.

It is good enough for me.
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