The meaning of Living and life

A light layer of white lays on the ground,
it is not a blizzard
and it is a welcome relief from the terrible cold of the other day,

but i am struggling in my heart

and every thing is "why?".

i do not have answers,

I do not have direction.

I seem to plod along,

wandering in the snow.

Work,

 life,

 living.

what they are for

and for but a moment,

i do not know.

All things pass

and become the past

as will this

and probably by mid morn i will be fine.

Slip, slosh, slog, slosh. Slip

I make my way slowly today,

Carefully.

I am going too early and too late for a ride.

Past the sacred Heart Church,

Down the steep slope of Smith Street.

I have made it down the slope of Pine.

Streets with no houses, but streets of great importance,

To me.

A great noise - crows

replaced by a louder noise - geese

Cross the new pedestrian way of the Mill River Bridge.

I still ponder what was going through my head earlier,

But am distracted by the mere act of surviving the walk.

Survival is not all what it is about,

But I am not interested

in the yelling and the fighting and the anger

that seems to be part of what everyone else calls “surviving”.

I have no interest in that.

No desire for that.

I tend to withdraw now with that,

But do not provoke the beast, there is still bite left.

Do not corner him, do not push him.

And I still ponder the meaning of this thing called life…

And i still ask, why?

Why am i still here?

This is deep

and i can fall into an abbyss thinking.

I do not need to think,

but to be,

There are answers,

but i do not have to know them,

i just know that there are answers.

It is good enough for me.