Tuesday, July 24, 2012

late night turmoil

I simply no longer have times to play games.
There are so many words of "just let me know what i can do",
but they have a price which i do not wan to pay,
a sacrifice of the things that have kept me alive and well for four years.
Help that comes with bitterness and complaint.
These do not give me life.
A simple statement from a person that i meet as i go to work and they to morning mass:
"God is good, we should be thankful for all we have."
This provided me with the un-sought comfort that i needed.
The multiple offers for trips to Doctor appointment,
all which are needed, have been fill with complaint and it feels like anger from one person.
A strange price on an offer of kindness from another,
seemed so out of place.
Another gives me a chance to grow and feel needed, in a fun way that gives me life.
My gift of cooking for others, fulfils me in a new and strange way.
and yet others have now begun to reject this. 
Those people will not read this and will not hear my complaint
and when i fade away from their life, they will wonder why and blame me,
but it is not me, it is them
and they will be left only in the misery of their complaint.
This is what has kept me up on this dark and rainy evening.
Turmoil in my soul over long time acquaintances who have not let me touch their soul and meet.
Others now i think of,
who have lost those near,
it seems so cruel that we can not be together still!
But i think we will, tho it gives little comfort now.
Find rest for our hearts, now, this is hard.

4 comments:

Michelle (Isabelle) said...

God Bless, Joey. So sorry for your pain. I think all to often people let the blindness of obligation overshadow what should be an act of love and kindness. None of us ever likes to have to depend on others and given any other choice most of us would find a way to do it on our own, but maybe sometimes God makes us need other for a reason.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers ... And I've often enjoyed your cooking posts. How wonderful you share your gift and joy of cooking with others. =)))))))))))))))

luluberoo said...

It's true that in our hardships we "find out who are friends are." And often we are touched profoundly by those we would not normally call friends..but strangers who practice the art of compassion.

I learned from my other blog that I was most helped by those who admitted they did not have any answers. They comforted me with their "unknowing" empathy.

betchai said...

Joey, I wish I were near and could visit you and at least we could sit, share a talk, I could have a taste of your cooking, which always look so yummy, and most of all, give a hug. i pray things get better for you, and your health gets better as well.

Lori said...

I hope your health is improving. I am also sorry that you are experiencing negative people when you just need some help from time to time. Sometimes just backing off from toxic people can make a huge difference. Be well Joey!