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Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

late night turmoil

I simply no longer have times to play games.
There are so many words of "just let me know what i can do",
but they have a price which i do not wan to pay,
a sacrifice of the things that have kept me alive and well for four years.
Help that comes with bitterness and complaint.
These do not give me life.
A simple statement from a person that i meet as i go to work and they to morning mass:
"God is good, we should be thankful for all we have."
This provided me with the un-sought comfort that i needed.
The multiple offers for trips to Doctor appointment,
all which are needed, have been fill with complaint and it feels like anger from one person.
A strange price on an offer of kindness from another,
seemed so out of place.
Another gives me a chance to grow and feel needed, in a fun way that gives me life.
My gift of cooking for others, fulfils me in a new and strange way.
and yet others have now begun to reject this. 
Those people will not read this and will not hear my complaint
and when i fade away from their life, they will wonder why and blame me,
but it is not me, it is them
and they will be left only in the misery of their complaint.
This is what has kept me up on this dark and rainy evening.
Turmoil in my soul over long time acquaintances who have not let me touch their soul and meet.
Others now i think of,
who have lost those near,
it seems so cruel that we can not be together still!
But i think we will, tho it gives little comfort now.
Find rest for our hearts, now, this is hard.
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