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Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

come into my world

the side of my brain which describes things
and sees things,
well; differently
is active.
I can describe that dark side of my life,
the one i struggle with daily,
more accurately.
Come into my world,
it is not a pretty site,
The vision which i so lovingly call my "special site"
starts me in morning wondering where my glasses are,
I place them in a routine spot,
yet it is new daily.
Dressing without the glasses is necessary.
two of everything, everywhere,
overlapping and confusing,
but if i have the glasses on,
tilting them,
while putting on a shirt,
is still more contorted.
The need for quiet,
is extreme,
except for some background music which helps me to focus.
today, everyone is home
and so there is not enough quiet.
I understand David now,
very well.
He has been doing this all of his life.
The lack of oxygen at birth caused damage
and each day he repeats a rediscovery of how to do things.
He and i need patterns,
it helps, but we reach the same place each day differently.
Dark, light are both challenges.
The dark at night speckled with lines of bright light,
that i know from memory are points,
but my glasses and head,
are now lines streaking across darkness.
Bright light,
the sun.
Washing everything
and even with the light sensitive tinting in my glasses,
i see less.
Indirect light, thru the clouds is best.
And now it is cold.
Walking down the stairs
or up them,
each time i feel a chance,
that i might fall.
turning my head,
the world spins.
focusing on one object to keep myself up,
makes me miss that at my feet
and i still stumble and fall.
seeing things where they are not
and then grasping for them,
is a comedy of errors.
Typing is incredibly difficult,
for i never learned it properly,
but use my eyes.
Spell check helps a lot.
Getting up can cause a head rush
and i am not here for a moment.
That is not so bad.
Then the cough,
which comes for no reason at all,
causing me to lose my bearings yet once again.
I get to watch people scurrying about,
they forget what is important,
they do not even know they are struggling,
yet i see it,
i am so aware of each of my struggles
that it lets me see more beauty.
Yes you heard me correctly
or rather read me.
Struggles are good for us,
they let us see the beauty that is around us.
And so i struggle daily
and see beauty even more.

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