my mind is sometimes too sharp,
notices too much.
Things that people wish were better hidden
and this is why i was so good at my job,
as an investigative analytical chemist (paid as a lab tech though).
Sometimes this makes those around me uncomfortable.
After the operation,
i lost something,
not what i noticed,
but how i was able to express it.
I fail now more than ever,
and it bothers me.
Tests showed i was fine
and in a real sense they are absolutely correct.
i step back and look
and realize that;
there are things i forget,
things i do that i am unaware of,
but i am "seeing" more,
but not with these different eyes,
not the physical ones any way.
Sometimes i feel like i am in a dream,
seeing what is here
and what is not easily measured.
It makes me more perceptive,
but it is more easily obscured by my weaknesses.
My weakness that are child-like,
the "magical" thinking that a child has
to believe things that can not be seen
and, on the darker side,
to believe that some how things going wrong for those around me, are my fault.
(you did not know this about children?, look it up).
It makes it more difficult to separate what is perceived,
from that which is me.
My analytical mind recoils at this,
but life has never been about analysis,
but about emotion and feelings and thoughts and perceptions.
None easily measured.
So i now live in this life,
a different way,
sometimes feeling in the way,
but knowing i am not.
For what i now have i seek to use for good and not myself.