I am having the deep lessons,
that occurred after my operation,
come back to me
and they are bringing with them assurances and comfort.
The question is did i die or not
on that operating table?
When i heard the surgeon say "he's not breathing people!",
I was above my body, not in it
and then for a short time,
which felt like forever,
there was peace,
i did not want to leave.
I came back to the struggles of living,
gasping and choking
and struggling to be alive.
I struggled to return to "normal" for the next 3 months
and then a second procedure left me in a state of "unawareness".
Still one more procedure brought me back ...
and the struggle for recovery went on.
The lessons were many,
from never fearing death again,
to realizing that my pride and arrogance had been broken,
but there were more.
I was aware that this life is short,
and it is filled with struggle and pain.
I learned to like the Buddhist philosophy for that reason,
but it was echoed in my own Christianity,
but forgotten by many.
I wandered not knowing my purpose,
but slowly finding it,
but that is not the topic here.
We are all connected,
even if we do not want to be,
with each other.
That this world seems to be bent on hiding those connections,
so we do not sense them.
That it is kindness,
even if it is only for a moment,
Finally, that every one of us will be surprised when we get to the other side.
For we can not imagine what it is like here.
Those were the lessons
and they are before me in my heart
as i seek God daily in my life.