innocent

my mom and dad and me - at less than 1 year old.

The day started innocently enough,
with no thought of tomorrow
or of any significance thereof.
A neighbor asks me;
"well you know about how special tomorrow is, right?"
I draw a blank.
It does not dawn on me at all.
I ask him if it is his birthday
and he replies that it is father's day and all his sons and daughter - in - laws will be over - tomorrow.
I replied a hollow "oh."  I do not celebrate that any more.

Not that i still do not honor my other and father, daily.
Full knowing there foibles and difficulties.
They did the best they could
They loved me and i love them still.

Another close friend had a child when she was young, but left him when he started using drugs.
The child was not a mistake, the man was.
but of course. since it is "father's day"  The man wants to see his son and is giving her grief.
it is my understanding,
 through court records i have seen,
 that the man owes more than $10,000 in back child support.
And he wants to see his son, who he does not support, on father's day.

For some reason, i think not.

Happy "I am not a Father's Day"

I thought a bit about this post.
In this area, I have no bitterness, no remorse, I am not a father. I do not have any children.
My own father past away a number of years ago and so there is no reason for me to celebrate this day as it stands.
I would not have been good with children, I know this and I know I would have passed along my genes which are just plain too intelligent, too athletic and too mediocre for it to do a child any good. In some ways I might make a good grand parent cause I also can not say no easily. All the kids in the neighborhood figured that out quickly.
That does not make a good parent.
I am serious when I say this, I figure things out too easily and my current "adventure" really proves it to me. Somewhere I realize that one of the reason I get so exhausted is that I am putting out tremendous energy everyday to do my "job" and apparently it is work very few people can do and i am doing it with seriously distorted vision.
So course being too "smart" also makes for poor relationships in many ways, sometimes the emotions are neglected and then become way too "needy". That does not help anything.
So today for my choice, not to pass along my disasters to any offspring, I celebrate 'not a father, Father's day"?