i do not write much any more,
it feels like a waste of time.
I am facing reality and this does not seem like it is.
growth,
emotional or spiritual always has a price
and i am growing now.
i was in a bad place when i first came down,
thinking of this as a place to die,
not to live.
The depression which surrounded me from the time of the operation,
hounded me.
Fantasy which i lived in from youth,
encompassed me.
It has taken time to recover,
from both.
AM i okay?
mostly, but i am still growing.
This is to let you know i am here
and where i am supposed to be,
though my adjustments are slow in coming
Showing posts with label a new path. Show all posts
Showing posts with label a new path. Show all posts
Thursday, December 14, 2017
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Learning
There was a lot to learn in the city from the doctor, some came because i mentioned that the show that I like (Bones) had the male main character have the same sort of tumor I had.
It turns out the doctor like this show also.
The first thing I learned - the 6 weeks recovery mentioned in the show is a neurologist dream and never happens in reality. All the other aspects, especially the prolonged bizarre symptoms the the brain exhibits last a long time. I can certainly attest to that. Strange forgetfulness, mixing up of words in sentences, an increase emotional input into my thinking. The emotional thing I actually like, it brings out the muse better. The rest of the strange things I could do without, but longer than a year is normal.
I also have to listen closely, the doctor and my friends keep saying not to just drop out of work, for my own mental health.
The strange thing is that for many years was that my identity was as a "Chemist", I do not feel that anymore.
I work as a chemist and many other things besides, but i really want out and it is not the extra work that is causing that, but I am tired of it.
I am not tired of the results because I will bend over backwards to help people and there are a lot of them who need compassion in the current situation and I do not see that coming from many people working on the project.
That will be some thing consistent for me, but let me see where this leads me.
Monday I begin a conversation with my boss and I will see where it leads.
It turns out the doctor like this show also.
The first thing I learned - the 6 weeks recovery mentioned in the show is a neurologist dream and never happens in reality. All the other aspects, especially the prolonged bizarre symptoms the the brain exhibits last a long time. I can certainly attest to that. Strange forgetfulness, mixing up of words in sentences, an increase emotional input into my thinking. The emotional thing I actually like, it brings out the muse better. The rest of the strange things I could do without, but longer than a year is normal.
I also have to listen closely, the doctor and my friends keep saying not to just drop out of work, for my own mental health.
The strange thing is that for many years was that my identity was as a "Chemist", I do not feel that anymore.
I work as a chemist and many other things besides, but i really want out and it is not the extra work that is causing that, but I am tired of it.
I am not tired of the results because I will bend over backwards to help people and there are a lot of them who need compassion in the current situation and I do not see that coming from many people working on the project.
That will be some thing consistent for me, but let me see where this leads me.
Monday I begin a conversation with my boss and I will see where it leads.
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