again

This morning  face the noisy MRI, again.
The doctors want to keep on top of things,
i think they are nervous.
I do not like this machine.
It is noisy and it confines me for too long,
but it is necessary to discover if things are okay.
While i might not like the path i must take,
i recognize that it is okay!
Even the bad can be turned into good,
even losses define us in a way...
that we can help understand
and comfort others.
My life is never wasted.
Every second,
every action
can turn to the good.
My place?
to let it.
And so off to the noisy, clanging machine that i do not like!

a bit of fear

Yesterday, my doctor had me take a stress test.
He has been doing this for a long time, every year.
This year, i became aware of something going on as i approached a 7 minute mark -
I was having a panic attack!
I was thinking, i would not be able to breath again,
that i could not recover and live.
I realized that this has been going on since the "operation",
 when i did stop breathing in the middle of the proceedure.
The momories that i am not aware of are still around me.