About Me

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Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I laugh

At all the crazy things in my life.
The eyesight (not mine, cause mine is coming soon) drives me crazy as it tries to hang on. Thursday was a difficult day with it, the left eye muscle has been twitching off and on for over 2 weeks and it moves my already difficult vision to new heights of confusion.
The funny thing, i think, believe, that it just means i am getting better.
More often i can not use the glasses early morning and so i leave them off for up to an hour.
I hung in till 1 PM at work, but barely. I was swaying and needed to hold on to things to keep my balance, often.
I started to walk home and a friend saw me and gave me a ride. That was very welcome. I crashed for 2 hours.
I had dreams that night that woke me, all the difficulties that i am working with, the things that do not look like they are working out. I had meditative music on, but it was not helping. Anxiousness was creeping in. I switched the music to something I call "survival". I know this will not work for everyone, but for me it has great meaning. It is music from a Community Episcopal Church i knew of in Houston. The church is now a "normal" church, but during the time they were a Community they did a lot of good in the town for those who did not have. I kept that portion of the life they believed and their music. The anxiousness left.
Friday turned into a much better day and stayed longer.
Part of the reason is that we had an influx of ticks to send off for testing and a lot of questions at the end of my day. The hysteria around Lyme disease is not totally unwarranted, but early treatment always works. I have to deal with doctors not following CDC guidelines and refusing to treat even when a patient exhibits symptoms. Once patients have the right info, the doctors always respond correctly. I also never worry so much about the ticks they bring in. I welcome testing them because I want to know what is going on out there, but even a fast test ($50) will take 2 weeks to come back and it does not test the tick the people my not have found.
Symptoms are the big thing, even at the CDC. We are an endemic area for Lyme, the ticks carry it. Look for symptoms. Go to your doctor.
This is my mantra and it assures people. Gives them some kind of assurance. Maybe because i am so certain of the info. There is nothing wishy washy about what I tell them.
In the end it make me feel better, I am helping people. It gives me energy.
I felt a lot better Friday after 3 of those incidents.
Then it was beautiful out. The promised rain did not come till the morning and the sun was out.
I went with my friend grocery shopping. She talks of many problems and I listen. I offered one piece of advice, once, but there was a ready answer waiting, so I said no more. It was the same as my difficult dreams the night before. There is no fighting those things with answers or logic, they can only be fought by not fighting. I am just learning that lesson.
I grilled salmon on the barbecue for my finale. It was good. Say the "First Contact" Trek movie on TV, that was good. There is always hope in those stories. I went to bed, the music still playing on my computer, I slept well.
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