clouds in my glasses

Oh what fun I have!
The slightest smudge
or particle of dust
or drop of water or grease
or just about anything else,
creates a myriad of affects
in the images i see.
Movement to the side of my focus
of a leaf
or a branch
or a bird,
create the feeling of persons next to me.
I look and there is no one there.
reflections o the side of my glasses are even more fun.
I compensate by listening,
but i am fooled often.
A star at night is a line,
not a point.
i could become upset with all of this,
but it is actually quite fun.
I am never alone,
accompanied by all of these ghosts
and angels
and none ever hurt me.

Observations

I am feeling a bit goofy today so there!
Time to look t what i see and try to understand.

I am doing a post by the same title in the environmental portion so I guess that is what today is.

My 2 eyes see differently. Nothing too unusual about that, every one has slightly different vision between the eyes.
Now for the descriptions: my right eye (the weaker one) sees everything much brighter and crisper than the left. It is extremely noticeable when I look at both images that they produce without my glasses.
Yesterday at 1:30 PM I still had energy, but I could no longer make out words and numbers (very important for my line of work) so I went home. I woke feeling very "Drunk", meaning I was swaying a lot and having a hard time keeping upright (and I had not had a drink). 2 hours past and I was better, so much so I did the large grocery shopping for the house (with help of course!) later on.
Today was a very good day and stayed at work till 2 PM (that is 6 hours of straight work) and had no problems.
When I came home today i decided to check my image spread. It is the same, no more than 10 inches at 10 feet, but the right side was faded. I think it was more faded yesterday.
That pretty much means that I lose depth perception.

One a much lighter note, Grant gave everyone who reads his blog an award and dared them to post it. Of course i am up to a dare, so here it is!
An addendum: What Grant does not know that in the midst of his edginess (which may be due to the series of significant health problems), he is actually quite refreshing and most of the times is humorous. I do not think he goes over the edge often and I do not get the arrogance that I get from some people with a similar edge.. I really believe he is finding his own ways of dealing with his health and again, i actually appreciate that. Hail to the Bunny Lord!

I guess no one scares me much any more.

Back to the city

Yesterday was one of the hardest workouts I have had. Of course it was for my eyes and it was at SUNY school of optometry. New exercises that really worked my eyes and at the end, the glasses did not work for maybe 10 minutes. I feel asleep on the train back easily. The strain in the eyes and the muscles were worth it and I expect good things soon. I probably will start on the home exercises tonight and sleep well.
I wanted to post about a friend, but can not do it yet, too emotional in too many ways, but my heart goes out to her because of what she must do to provide for herself and her children.
My other friend came back from a 2 week vaction and we will catch up hopefully, tomorrow, she looked fabulous.

I laugh

At all the crazy things in my life.
The eyesight (not mine, cause mine is coming soon) drives me crazy as it tries to hang on. Thursday was a difficult day with it, the left eye muscle has been twitching off and on for over 2 weeks and it moves my already difficult vision to new heights of confusion.
The funny thing, i think, believe, that it just means i am getting better.
More often i can not use the glasses early morning and so i leave them off for up to an hour.
I hung in till 1 PM at work, but barely. I was swaying and needed to hold on to things to keep my balance, often.
I started to walk home and a friend saw me and gave me a ride. That was very welcome. I crashed for 2 hours.
I had dreams that night that woke me, all the difficulties that i am working with, the things that do not look like they are working out. I had meditative music on, but it was not helping. Anxiousness was creeping in. I switched the music to something I call "survival". I know this will not work for everyone, but for me it has great meaning. It is music from a Community Episcopal Church i knew of in Houston. The church is now a "normal" church, but during the time they were a Community they did a lot of good in the town for those who did not have. I kept that portion of the life they believed and their music. The anxiousness left.
Friday turned into a much better day and stayed longer.
Part of the reason is that we had an influx of ticks to send off for testing and a lot of questions at the end of my day. The hysteria around Lyme disease is not totally unwarranted, but early treatment always works. I have to deal with doctors not following CDC guidelines and refusing to treat even when a patient exhibits symptoms. Once patients have the right info, the doctors always respond correctly. I also never worry so much about the ticks they bring in. I welcome testing them because I want to know what is going on out there, but even a fast test ($50) will take 2 weeks to come back and it does not test the tick the people my not have found.
Symptoms are the big thing, even at the CDC. We are an endemic area for Lyme, the ticks carry it. Look for symptoms. Go to your doctor.
This is my mantra and it assures people. Gives them some kind of assurance. Maybe because i am so certain of the info. There is nothing wishy washy about what I tell them.
In the end it make me feel better, I am helping people. It gives me energy.
I felt a lot better Friday after 3 of those incidents.
Then it was beautiful out. The promised rain did not come till the morning and the sun was out.
I went with my friend grocery shopping. She talks of many problems and I listen. I offered one piece of advice, once, but there was a ready answer waiting, so I said no more. It was the same as my difficult dreams the night before. There is no fighting those things with answers or logic, they can only be fought by not fighting. I am just learning that lesson.
I grilled salmon on the barbecue for my finale. It was good. Say the "First Contact" Trek movie on TV, that was good. There is always hope in those stories. I went to bed, the music still playing on my computer, I slept well.

A tough Monday

Today was a day of settling loose ends at least for a day. Tomorrow I go to New York to see the optometrist people and see what they say. I think I have mentioned that my reading glasses with the prisms are useless now, I see double the other way. By 11:30 Am, my eyes are beat and nothing seems right. The convergence of images in the morning is startling, just not total and so even more confusing than ever. There also has been a feeling like muscles waking up when they have fallen "asleep" in the back of my head. Each time this happens there seems to be more feeling back there. There has been no feeling for a long time and it feels strange to put my hand to the back of my head and not feel any thing.
Good night for another day.
I have been enjoying different posts, but am liking the painter of Stamford and some of the local scenes she has been doing.

Observations

Every morning before i get up, i try some eye exercises. Mostly they6 have to reviewing how far apart my computer screens are from each other (no, I don't have two screens, its the double vision). Since the screen is about 10 feet from the bed, I do not have to actually get up to do this, but maybe because i am really trying to see what is going on or maybe there is something new, i have the following observations and they seem to be different on any given day.
1) Opening and shutting my eyes has one of the screens travel from a convergence to up to 6 inches apart from the other. Today it was about 1 inch, then it turned into the normal 6.
2) If I turn my head to the left the screen images converge.
3) Yesterday when I turned my head right the screen images separated more, today they converged.
4) moving my head down converges the images.
5) Today moving my head up converged the images. Yesterday it did not.
This is just so I can try to get a handle on things, there is a lot of variance and I it is confusing. Are things getting better or worse? I actually can not tell for sure.
So the work continues.

Surprise!

I had a friend visit me today and it was a pleasant visit, but as i was describing what was going on with my eyes, I took my eye patch off. Of course I saw double, then for a brief moment I saw he singly, then it went back to double, but for that brief moment my heart jumped! There is a constant change so I am really hoping that the 'prism' glass they are talking about will help me bring my mind back together. That happens Monday. I am getting tired of this Adventure!