I have a favorite techno (that's right, I enjoy techno) Artist named Robert Miles.
One of his songs has lyrics , one and one is one, where the refine is something like "I am not always fine".
I thought of this today because my attitude is not always up, sometimes I snap because of the difficulty of this sight thing, sometimes I am down.
I thought of this because the other day John (one of my biggest supporters) was holding the frige door open for me so I could get something.
He did not have to hold the door, he wanted to.
I reached in to get what I wanted and from my side sight, the door wavered and I pulled my head back quickly, knocking into the closed freezer door.
Of course, I had an immediate reaction and took it out verbally on John (he is not disabled) and then calmed down in a moment.
There are times when things happen, like that or when I can't stand up well or I start a coughing fit for no reason, that I get mad. I am not usually directing it at anyone, but the reality is all of this is very difficult and some times, not often, I lose it.
I am not all serenity and smiles, this is the hardest road I have ever taken and there are lots of rough spots in it.
10 comments:
Actually I would be very worried about someone that was always fine. Like they must be taking happy pills..
At least you are mindful, and you realise that these moments occur, being mindful allows us to slowly make changes, to be aware when those feelings of frustration and anger are about to arrive, and therefore allow us the opportunity to change the behaviour before it begins. So many are not mindful of their actions, you are, and that is important.
You are doing great, you really are.
xxsm
We all have our moments ... it is through our awareness that we have less and less of these moments and also when we do that we don't let the "moment" cascade into hours, days or weeks.
Hi Joey-
I truly understand - some days or situations just put me over the edge too - usually when my reality is just too harsh or seems to huge to take on and "it" becomes evident in what I feel are my limitations. I try to balance all that with acknowledging all my freedoms, but honestly, it is quite a challenge.
Love you
Gail
peace.....
it's really hard sometimes to hide anger that's directed at ourselves, isn't it?
when my son got home yesterday and he told me he "couldn't find" his snack in his backpack after several instructions in the morning that it was there - the bag was totally empty except for the food and drink - i found it preposterous and told him how upset i was that he didn't look hard enough. i can understand temper in people who are going through difficult things because we whom you all may call NOT disabled frequently have our moments, too. i'm sure you have apologized, and i'm sure john understands.
There are several techno mixes using "Children". I love techno and Robert Miles, too.
The hardest part, for me, of having a meltdown is the aftereffect on myself - I get angry at me for being angry. Kind of stupid when I think about it, but it's the way I am.
People around me get away with a lot if they make me mad because my guilt at getting angry is usually stronger than the frustration or irritation I had felt with them.
Give yourself permission for anger and frustration - you, more than most, have every right.
Time to switch to heavy metal. I recommend Slayer. It's therapeutic.
Guilty. Yep, I'm guilty of the same frustrations, the same annoyances, the same angers. Its tough striking a balance and it seems those who love us the most get on the receiving end too often.
I agree with Sweet Mango, awareness does help.
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