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Born a Texan, but traveled the US extensively.  Now staying on the East coast.

Monday, November 26, 2012

i really was not expecting this, not at this time

Thanksgiving was not my time to spend with my mom,
i wanted her to spend it with her once removed family
and i told her often.
It was Christmas and her birthday that we spent together
and those are not due yet.
It has been a year and a half
and yes i still miss her,
but it was not suppose to hit so hard during Thanksgiving!
I became melancholy, sad, upset and depressed
and i could not fathom why.
I told those closest to me (who i consider like brothers and sisters),
that i felt alone
and they felt left out.
I did not want to be "here" any more
but i did not know why.
I spoke and they dragged it out of me,
from a place that i was not expecting, not at Thanksgiving time.
Yes, i still miss my mom.
She came to me during waking hours and rub that spot where the operation was,
as she did those times 4 years ago,
when my head was swollen and sore,
and i was fine.
It will probably happen again,
but for now,
i am fine.
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