i have run into people recently,
retired persons,
who are unhappy or bored now they no longer have work to do.
It has been more than a year and there are some days i just want to lay around,
but most i am busy,
so busy that i neglect some of the things i love,
like blogging
or painting.
Some days i am tired from my activities
and i do not want to cook.
I have found others who have made busy work for themselves
or made do with their time.
There is enough for me to do without finding other things,
yet i have for i became involved with a writer's workshop at the church i like to attend
and i can not get enough of it.
Some people i run into feel useless,
i understand that,
but not because of my retirement,
it is because my daily struggle overwhelms me often.
i know i am useful,
my worth is not even in what i can do,
it is in me.
i worry,
but that is because i have seen the return of some symptoms that i do not like.
i do not feel done,
but i am tired of the struggle just to live.
i am not worried what awaits me on the other side,
for i have been there
and only found peace.
I have my garden,
i have my cooking,
i have my walks,
i paint
and laugh
and sing
and i have the people i love to talk to.
I am happy.
I just am tired of this struggle i am in, daily,
no, that is not true.
My struggle is moment by moment
and i am not done with it.
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