Last night i was deep in thought,
for a friend had told me something somewhat troubling.
Today it was mild
and i sat on the porch,
drinking my coffee this Christmas morn.
A patch of deep blue showed in the west
and i was unable to tell if it was a dark rain cloud
or the clear blue sky.
A few moments latter,
my answer was clear,
for the clouds had parted
and a deep blue sky was showing.
It all fit in with what i felt my lessons this year were,
more than this year,
for these lessons started some 6 and one half year previous.
I had one of "those" experiences,
during that operation so many years ago
and it did change me,
especially my perception of all that we see.
For during in the brief moments after i "heard" them say;
"he's not breathing people!",
i experienced peace that i have never known,
before or since.
I felt safe beyond words
and all of my fear left me.
going into the operation,
I was frightened of dying.
but after it was all gone.
I woke gasping for air
and struggling to live,
leaving that place of peace behind.
And so the first lesson is:
To live is a struggle.
During the weeks that turned to months,
I stayed i stayed in the hospital,
i felt things,
rather than saw,
for my vision was terribly messed up
and so my second and third lesson:
We are all connected, no mater if we know it or not
there are people who will stick with you through anything
and there are those who can not.
As i struggled to live and improve,
i saw again, through feeling, rather than sight,
my fourth lesson:
Everything in this world tries to stop us,
from doing good.
As i continued and finally was released,
there were other issues,
the loss of cognition, when an attempt to correct a continuing issue,
went terribly wrong.
Then came my fifth lesson when that problem was fixed:
it is not what we have (even our own health) that is important,
it is our heart.
More to go, for my adventure was not a short one
and if you call it a corollary to the first five lessons, i will not quibble,
for i learned it is best to be thankful in ALL situations,
especially those i do not like.
My learning was not over,
for too soon after,
my mother passed on
and i was heart-broken,
for we had "plans".
There were many lessons that i learned then
and these were very important.
I did not morn my mom' death because of her,
but because i missed being with her.
To me, i still feel her presence, often,
but i miss the face to face.
It was then i realized that this life is very, very short
and even though science can point it out clearly,
we simply do not realize it,
but what science can not prove,
(for it only deals in what it can measure,
which is not bad, but it can not see everything),
is that there is so much more,
(and i think i can thank Einstein for this,
since energy can neither be created nor destroyed)
and i simply believe:
this life is such an infinitesimally small portion of who we are.
The blue skies that are overhead now,
prove my last point,
even though i can blame my vision for my confusion, the lesson is true:
We see through a glass darkly,
all of us who think we are correct and everyone lese is wrong,
truly do not know.
There is very little reason to push our point,
for none of us know everything.
And this ends the lessons of my short, incomprehensible life.