Last
night i was deep in thought,
for
a friend had told me something somewhat troubling.
Today
it was mild
and
i sat on the porch,
drinking
my coffee this Christmas morn.
A
patch of deep blue showed in the west
and
i was unable to tell if it was a dark rain cloud
or
the clear blue sky.
A
few moments latter,
my
answer was clear,
for
the clouds had parted
and
a deep blue sky was showing.
It
all fit in with what i felt my lessons this year were,
more
than this year,
for
these lessons started some 6 and one half year previous.
I
had one of "those" experiences,
during
that operation so many years ago
and
it did change me,
especially
my perception of all that we see.
For
during in the brief moments after i "heard" them say;
"he's
not breathing people!",
i
experienced peace that i have never known,
before
or since.
I
felt safe beyond words
and
all of my fear left me.
Before,
going
into the operation,
I
was frightened of dying.
terribly
so,
but
after it was all gone.
I
woke gasping for air
and
struggling to live,
leaving
that place of peace behind.
And
so the first lesson is:
To
live is a struggle.
During
the weeks that turned to months,
I
stayed i stayed in the hospital,
i
felt things,
rather
than saw,
for
my vision was terribly messed up
and
so my second and third lesson:
We
are all connected, no mater if we know it or not
and
there
are people who will stick with you through anything
and
there are those who can not.
As
i struggled to live and improve,
i
saw again, through feeling, rather than sight,
my
fourth lesson:
Everything
in this world tries to stop us,
from
doing good.
As
i continued and finally was released,
there
were other issues,
the
loss of cognition, when an attempt to correct a continuing issue,
went
terribly wrong.
Then
came my fifth lesson when that problem was fixed:
it
is not what we have (even our own health) that is important,
it
is our heart.
More to go, for my adventure was not a short
one
and
if you call it a corollary to the first five lessons, i will not quibble,
for
i learned it is best to be thankful in ALL situations,
especially
those i do not like.
My
learning was not over,
for
too soon after,
my
mother passed on
and
i was heart-broken,
for
we had "plans".
There
were many lessons that i learned then
and
these were very important.
I
did not morn my mom' death because of her,
but
because i missed being with her.
To
me, i still feel her presence, often,
but
i miss the face to face.
It
was then i realized that this life is very, very short
and
even though science can point it out clearly,
we
simply do not realize it,
but
what science can not prove,
(for
it only deals in what it can measure,
which
is not bad, but it can not see everything),
is
that there is so much more,
(and
i think i can thank Einstein for this,
since
energy can neither be created nor destroyed)
and
i simply believe:
this
life is such an infinitesimally small portion of who we are.
The
blue skies that are overhead now,
prove
my last point,
even
though i can blame my vision for my confusion, the lesson is true:
We
see through a glass darkly,
all
of us who think we are correct and everyone lese is wrong,
concerning
anything,
truly
do not know.
There
is very little reason to push our point,
for
none of us know everything.
And
this ends the lessons of my short, incomprehensible life.
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