Satisfaction - an introduction

This concept has been rattling around my brain for a bit, but is incomplete and so it will be a multi-part series and I do not know the ending, for that has not happened yet.

I had no conscious goal in life, no list of things I wanted to accomplish, no list of things I wanted to do.  So here is the beginning of confusion, but also the answer for it all.  I believe, in all things, I have been guided by my heart.  Saying that seems strange for someone so immersed in the sciences, yet indeed that was my guide.

I had desires and thoughts and fantasies, so my path was not always clear and the ride that is this life was very, very bumpy, often.

Some where it is written that the heart is deceitful and I suppose that is why my road has been so unusual, yet I would not trade one moment of this life.  To define that I wanted, love and comfort and family would be simple and it was those desires that brought me to a Spiritual life in a small Christian community.  This brought me satisfaction in serving my fellow man, especially those who did not have much.  My seemingly natural ability for math and the sciences, particularly chemistry, brought me to my work, which turned into more than I could ever have imagined.

So I have two paths, so it would seem, coming from my heart and both paths lead to the same place, joy.

more reflections of things done

i have been fortunate in this life

for i have walked trails where none has been before

and followed in the footsteps of a thousand others.

I have taken worn paths,

leading to mountain peaks,

of lakes

and old abandoned mines.

i have entered into caves, no one else has been,

or if they had,

there was no sign

and walked in the lighted darkness

of caves open to the public.

Did i say that i had fear in those i believed no one had been?

i did and i am not afraid to say,

but the wonder of it was great.

i found fossils of sea creatures

now found on dry land

and minerals spewed onto the earth,

millions of years past.

I have fished in streams and lakes,

where cold water flowed

and in a deep and green gulf.

I have gone horse back riding,

on the dusty trails of the Big Bend

and taken canoes down a swollen river.

I have slept under the stars,

in a lonely place

and mixed with a million people in the big cities.

I have seen the sad dance of the Cherokee,

reenacting their "Trail of Tears",

for all to see

and walked with an Indian chef,

as a child.

I have huddled in shelter,

hiding from a mighty hurricane

and been blown around in a thunderstorm.

Rivers

and lakes

and oceans have been a playground

and i have swum with the dolphins.

I have enjoyed Spring

and Summer

and Fall,

but rarely winter.

I have saved a child from drowning,

in the crashing waves off St. Louis Pass

and been saved by my own father,

when one cased me off the Galveston Jetty.

I traversed the Rockies,

from Texas to and into Canada,

by car and foot and plane.

I have seen all the national parks,

from the mountains to the East coast,

but never the West coast.

I beheld

and held onto,

the Rocky Mountain's majesty,

but preferred the quiet solitude,

of the Appalachian trail.

I saw the Gulf of Mexico,

from Mexican shores

and ate tortillas from a street side vendor.

I was in the quiet square,

of a sleepy Mexican village

and the bustling market place,

of a boarder town.

Beaches

and Mountains,

Plains

and caves.

Field

and Forest,

I have been,

with eyes wide open

and nostrils wide,

absorbing all they had to give.

reminiscing!

Several times in the past few weeks,
i have been faced with the many things,
 i have done in the past.
I have no regrets,
instead, i am amazed
and others,
who do not know me,
might think i am not telling the truth.
The same look passes on peoples faces,
when i speak of my mom
and the many things she accomplished,
but this is me
and i have witnesses still living.
I have done so many things,
beyond my job,
which was incredible in of it self
and i do not like speaking of it oft'.
It seems like boasting.
I did not start many things,
but rather i was part of many things,
always with others.
A time of giving to those who did not have,
whether clothes or food or shelter.
Being with,
not simply visiting
or even living with
the poor.
Befriending those with mental illnesses
and even inviting them into our home to stay.
Staying with those,
who are living with incurable diseases,
during their last moments of life.
I failed many times,
to live up to my own expectations,
but it seems those were rare.
I bonded with those past their prime of life
and wept when they left this earth.
I tried to give freely of what i had been given,
for all that i had,
was only a gift.
I wept
and laughed
and played
and worked
with all manors of people,
not thinking it was strange.
I failed at times to bond,
to those whose struggles were deeper than i could imagine
and there i have some regrets.
I danced
and i played in this thing we call life
and kept to the background
for i never wanted a spotlight.
I painted and was requested to do more
and i still have a few of my paintings not sold.
i supported a DJ,
with light shows and "effects"
and danced until morning.
I help a friend run a restaurant
and supported another in several other endeavors.
Web designs,
programming,
computers were but simple toys to me
and i did them all.
Do not speak to me of what you do not know,
for all of this was part of my life,
i am satisfied,
though perhaps i am most happy,
about the first stanzas of this post
and none of this was through my main job,
which i will leave for another time.