frustration anxious

Yea I started the day realizing I am frighten concerning the status of my eyesight. Things seem to change, but hten they don't and it has me worried. Without my eye sight I can not work, I ca not drive and I can not read and the last bothers me the most. Just talking about it and realizing it has helped. To go around with one eye patched is my current only answer to seeing double. That is not an answer to drive or to work. Do I really know what will happen? No, I do not and the chances that this will fix itself really exists, but the time it has taken, has also taken its toll on me and I am not so upbeat. This is where I am today.
I have been working at calming my self, which is no easy feat. I have been more jumpy yesterday and this morning, but have managed to use the many trick available to me from tea kwon do, meditating, some Budist sitting, prayer to at least calm that. Everything is naturally work, I do not believe in a 'magic' God, but I do believe in miracals, just we don't recognize a lot of them.
Any way more tomorrow or later.

My swalowing has been doing better and today they put me to a test to prove it so I can eat still more and less processed foods ( it was mashed or pureed or finely chopped) This had been tough, but it was not a serious issue, but a slightly discouraging thing - remember this happen because of complications during surgery, So what does it mean - gives me a boost emotionally. The othesr thing they have been pushing for 2 days has been expanding my lung use - also something that happened during the surgery - my lungs filled with water and they had to intubate me (?) And now they are pushing the nevelope on this. All good.

No more about my times in Stamford, I prety much have brought you the long journey through these blogs and exactly what I think of these people who now 'rule' Stamford. It does not mean ther are no good people, ther are lots of them' but they do not call the shots any more. When Stamford was the sleepy town that I first came to, things were beging to change-that was 1977, but most of these pople , the blue collar people and their children, were nice and you could get to know them. The journey that Stamfoird has taken to be a city has been a rough one and the first thing to go was niceness and that was replaced by an extreme selfishness. When it does become a city, every thing will be evened out because you will have room for everyone and ther will be selfish people and nice people and oblivious people, but it will be all mixed up and not one will dominate. That is my tiraid about Stamford.