I for whatever reason, have just realised that I have a series of "walls and circles" when it comes to people.
I think most people have them and I am sure that many people realize it, I did not.
When I first meet a person they are either brought inside a wall or left out side. If I think they have a certain level of trust or I think they might be trustworthy they are brought in. This is like a test ground and they might learn some superficial things about me, but it is a wait and see type of thing. I can like them and even care about what happens to them, but do not talk about love or try to be too pushy, they will find themselves on the outside quickly.
As trust begins to build (and time seems less important than activity), I actually test them by telling them about me. I do not necessarily like myself in all aspects, but I do have respect for what I have done. Not everyone would agree.
If that does not scare them off, I begin to trust them and they come into the next level. There is a lot of respect for those people from me and I would do almost anything for them. If they do not make it to this level, they can stay comfortably at the first level.
Then there are those with whom my trust level is so deep they can say almost anything to me and I to them and it will not change the bond, I learn the most from these people.
They are my partners in my life and its path.
I am often surprised at the number of people at these levels, 8 at the deepest level. 4 at the next deepest level level. Many at the second level and the first level constantly changes.
You who read this blog are privileged to learn my mind and heart because I am basically working things out in word as I write, enjoy the ride!
9 comments:
I really like the analogy of circles and walls to describe levels of trust. One of the reasons I blog is to try to figure things out. I naturally am drawn to your blog.
Circles and walls. Yes,this makes sense. I am a naturally warm and open person but I live behind walls all of the time nw. The people on the outside often think they're closer than they are. Kind of like the "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear" sign on a rear view mirror, but in reverse.
i am enjoying the ride, sir, and i thank you for this post. i am learning about life and having fun while doing it. someday, if God deems me worthy, i might even impart some knowledge and wisdom to my sons...
I think you must have great power of observation if there are people that you bring into your "circle" right away. Have you ever been proven wrong?
Whew, finally I found you and the "general, everyday stuff" blog. (LOL)
Your observations of the levels 4 and below constantly changing are right on. My husband just read that people change friends every 6 years. That did not sound right to me, but when I really think about it, it is true. Long time friends, more than 20 years..I have just one.
I have Peter Pan syndrome, I'm overly trusting, and find myself getting duped.
I definitely would not say I bring people to the 4th circle right away and there have been people i would have liked to have been in at the very least, the second circle who did not want in.
The people who wanted to get to the third or fourth circle right away I usually pushed out, things do not work that way! It takes time.
The people in my 4th circle I have known for more than 20 years, all of them, and some more than 30 years.the third circle is not as long lived, butt hey have the potential to be. The first and second circle, come and go with the wind.
I am totally the same in this regard. It takes a while for a person to get in the inner circle, but once there, they are forever.
Sorry Joey! I guess I am one of those you invited in, but I have too much garbage to deal with in my own life fist. You still are sweet!
I know exactly what you mean. There are people who have known for a decade that said they did not really know me until about 5 years into the relationship.
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