Brokenness is responding in faith when the situation clearly offers defeat; it is overcoming the hurt and refusing the anger by a beloved's insensitivity.
This has been on my heart,
we all feel that hurt,
sometime,
in any of our relationships.
The insensitive remark,
the callous action,
that wants our heart to break
and even more,
wants retaliation,
revenge,
anger.
Even though it is no fault of their own.
A delicate subject,
for those of us who have lost someone,
to death.
We hold them accountable,
for leaving us,
without them.
That insensitive act..
and we get to forgive
and for some of us,
to believe that this is only temporary,
that the time is short,
that we will be reunited again.
Stop.
Just stop.
stop making the shallow words,
the troubled actions.
Just love
and look beyond.
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Thursday, September 18, 2014
sorting it out
It has been a busy few weeks,
a new physical therapy seemed to offer more,
but it only answer one simple problem.
I am not really awake yet,
my mind full of clouds
and my housemate starts yammering,
about things i can not comprehend.
i manage not to be irritated,
but i know that can happen.
I do not know when is a good time to talk to me.
"Things" on my mind;
i can handle them in one of two ways.
So far, i am holding on to the better way,
but barely.
Remembering, helps.
when i first came out of the hospital from "that" operation,
almost 6 years ago,
I did not know
and i was frightened.
I felt an assurance,
not of being restored and healed physically,
but that some how,
everything would be for the best
and God would be glorified.
That is important,
even more now.
I do not know how people with out faith live in this troubled world,
there is so much that seems wrong.
Yet i am assured that our time here is very short,
we just do not see it
and our time after in infinite,
that comforts me.
Little things assure me;
a flower,
a tree,
a smile.
these are the good things,
i will dwell on them.
a new physical therapy seemed to offer more,
but it only answer one simple problem.
I am not really awake yet,
my mind full of clouds
and my housemate starts yammering,
about things i can not comprehend.
i manage not to be irritated,
but i know that can happen.
I do not know when is a good time to talk to me.
"Things" on my mind;
i can handle them in one of two ways.
So far, i am holding on to the better way,
but barely.
Remembering, helps.
when i first came out of the hospital from "that" operation,
almost 6 years ago,
I did not know
and i was frightened.
I felt an assurance,
not of being restored and healed physically,
but that some how,
everything would be for the best
and God would be glorified.
That is important,
even more now.
I do not know how people with out faith live in this troubled world,
there is so much that seems wrong.
Yet i am assured that our time here is very short,
we just do not see it
and our time after in infinite,
that comforts me.
Little things assure me;
a flower,
a tree,
a smile.
these are the good things,
i will dwell on them.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Beginings Stamford
It was a difficult night, things happen that concerned doctors and nurses and my mom' I had a kind of cold seizure before dinner when my mom was here, but I wasn't cold. It lasted 5 to 10 minutes and I could not control the tremors and shaking.
Doctors and nurses thought it was due to a peaking fever. I accept that it might actually be part of the healing process. The medicals attacked the issues with tylenol, ice packs, samples of blood sputum and x-rays and the fever did break. And they do not know the origin yet.
I WAS NOT FRIGHTENED OR WORRIED, i JUST KNEW THINGS WERE PROGRESSING.
It was not easy, but I was okay., And i think there was progress.
The trip from Houston. I barely remember, because it wastraumatic and flilled with problems. I think it took 2 days to drive with a couple of overnight stops, but I really can't remember.
We arrived inStamford at the little broken down farm house from the 1890's memorial day weekend.
There wass lots to do and time was a blur- getting the house ready, unpacking, finding jobs, finding grocery stores, learning how to get along in this coorporate farm town.
Althoug Frank's family lived in Greenwich and his sister lived in Stamford. The people were generally unfriendly by my standards and I was frightened. Marie ,who lived in the Bronx before this, felt isolated. She had a strong Roman faith, but the chuch that brought us here, failed in ther promise. But we did meet on couple from the church who were genuine and after a few months moved down into Stamford and we became a community again.
I had found a job in Stamford as an analytical chemist at a major coorporation, but the car my dad found for me in Houston, died before winter.
Marie had a job at the school of her son and that was set.
Frank found a job, but was spiritually not happy, but we were going to a beautiful Methodist chuch with a lot of good people, trying to make a small difference. To me it was a sanctuary.
And i was not ready to go back. to Houston even though I was struggling immensly and Frank and Marie were worried about me, I hung in there and if you say that was my very stubborn Greekside, you might be correct.
Frank introduced me to a girl who was originally from Stonington, CT, but lived in Bridgeport and worked with Frank.
A very sweet country middle class woman, Penny who was my first girlfriend up here, but was also interested the concept of community even though she came from a very traditional Baptist background.
The first snow in Stamford was the most I had seen in my life in a place I lived. It seemed always cold from then on. I lost my job (I will attribute it to my own emotional immaturity) in the spring.
Money wise we struggled, and we got by and my mom kept in touch with me by mail.
I started getting temp jobs doing accounting, because I was good in numbers and got one in Arnold bakers in Greenwich. They then told me that ther was a temp job in the lab to fill in for a pregnacy/child leave. I took it.
Frank and Maries familties were very supportive and that was different because they were close knit Itlalian families and they accepted us as part of their family.
The arnold job was fun and would last for one year.
Meanttime the charismatic tried to "take" over the Methodist chuch and we went to a small congregational church in North Stamford.
We had spiiritual peace for a while, mean time the Episcopal chuch was knocking again.
Beacuse we really accepted a "Benidictine" type spiritualliy, we worked to pray and prayed while working and the houses we lived in changed and were repaired.
The first house was mostly ready by the first winter, but it was cold and I quickly hated the cold.
But Stamfors it self had very few places to enjoy for recreation, though we would go to the libraries and beaches. But I would say Stamford was a vey dull and dreary place with no entertainment.
We were two households now, with two families plus in each one and we really struggled in Stamford, to just be and survive.
At Frank's suggestion and started adrressing my letters home to my dad and tried to repair the damage of an only son leaving home and the parents were ready for this change.
What the Episcopal church had in mind was a small chapel and buildings in the South end. If something wasn't going to happen they would tear it down and lots of people did not want that.
Meanwhile I can say te nurses in the Stamford Hospital are very attentive and helpng me through this very difficult recovery.
Doctors and nurses thought it was due to a peaking fever. I accept that it might actually be part of the healing process. The medicals attacked the issues with tylenol, ice packs, samples of blood sputum and x-rays and the fever did break. And they do not know the origin yet.
I WAS NOT FRIGHTENED OR WORRIED, i JUST KNEW THINGS WERE PROGRESSING.
It was not easy, but I was okay., And i think there was progress.
The trip from Houston. I barely remember, because it wastraumatic and flilled with problems. I think it took 2 days to drive with a couple of overnight stops, but I really can't remember.
We arrived inStamford at the little broken down farm house from the 1890's memorial day weekend.
There wass lots to do and time was a blur- getting the house ready, unpacking, finding jobs, finding grocery stores, learning how to get along in this coorporate farm town.
Althoug Frank's family lived in Greenwich and his sister lived in Stamford. The people were generally unfriendly by my standards and I was frightened. Marie ,who lived in the Bronx before this, felt isolated. She had a strong Roman faith, but the chuch that brought us here, failed in ther promise. But we did meet on couple from the church who were genuine and after a few months moved down into Stamford and we became a community again.
I had found a job in Stamford as an analytical chemist at a major coorporation, but the car my dad found for me in Houston, died before winter.
Marie had a job at the school of her son and that was set.
Frank found a job, but was spiritually not happy, but we were going to a beautiful Methodist chuch with a lot of good people, trying to make a small difference. To me it was a sanctuary.
And i was not ready to go back. to Houston even though I was struggling immensly and Frank and Marie were worried about me, I hung in there and if you say that was my very stubborn Greekside, you might be correct.
Frank introduced me to a girl who was originally from Stonington, CT, but lived in Bridgeport and worked with Frank.
A very sweet country middle class woman, Penny who was my first girlfriend up here, but was also interested the concept of community even though she came from a very traditional Baptist background.
The first snow in Stamford was the most I had seen in my life in a place I lived. It seemed always cold from then on. I lost my job (I will attribute it to my own emotional immaturity) in the spring.
Money wise we struggled, and we got by and my mom kept in touch with me by mail.
I started getting temp jobs doing accounting, because I was good in numbers and got one in Arnold bakers in Greenwich. They then told me that ther was a temp job in the lab to fill in for a pregnacy/child leave. I took it.
Frank and Maries familties were very supportive and that was different because they were close knit Itlalian families and they accepted us as part of their family.
The arnold job was fun and would last for one year.
Meanttime the charismatic tried to "take" over the Methodist chuch and we went to a small congregational church in North Stamford.
We had spiiritual peace for a while, mean time the Episcopal chuch was knocking again.
Beacuse we really accepted a "Benidictine" type spiritualliy, we worked to pray and prayed while working and the houses we lived in changed and were repaired.
The first house was mostly ready by the first winter, but it was cold and I quickly hated the cold.
But Stamfors it self had very few places to enjoy for recreation, though we would go to the libraries and beaches. But I would say Stamford was a vey dull and dreary place with no entertainment.
We were two households now, with two families plus in each one and we really struggled in Stamford, to just be and survive.
At Frank's suggestion and started adrressing my letters home to my dad and tried to repair the damage of an only son leaving home and the parents were ready for this change.
What the Episcopal church had in mind was a small chapel and buildings in the South end. If something wasn't going to happen they would tear it down and lots of people did not want that.
Meanwhile I can say te nurses in the Stamford Hospital are very attentive and helpng me through this very difficult recovery.
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