A question of why not

I do not think i have done any recent posts on the way i live
and the woman in the window had some questions and i feel i should answer in a post.
When I was young, I was always curious, always searching.
I did not think i had the answers, but i wanted them.
I was, in reality, lonely also, looking, for some answers to things in my heart, that did not fit in my brain.
In college, i encountered a group of people, who did not have all the answers either, but were not lonely.
The spiritual base was and is Christianity, but there was no exclusivity involved and they lived a "shared life".
They were connected to a rather large Episcopal church and out reach in Houston and i was fascinated and drawn.
They helped people by being together, but it was an aside, being together was first and reaching out a natural outcome.
That fit.
We shared living space. meals, heartaches and joys.
As i was completing college, they were planning to move up to New England, they had received an invitation by another Episcopal church (and they were from this area) and had all the doors they thought would never open, open for them to come up.
They invited me.
Living this way is never easy, everything gets in the way.
You are with people like a close nit family, squabbling, laughing, crying and going on,
In our household, there are four guys, 1 is mentally disabled and he is a "guest" as much as anyone could be, but engages to the extent of his ability.
Another had damage to his brain from birth and while he carries the titled "disabled", there are times he is more able than i.
There is John, who does not have the labeled "disabled", but like me, has some limitations.
We try to put everything into a basket and some how ,we seem to come up with more than we put in.
We share meals, books , papers, TV shows, movies, chores, cooking,discussions, politics and our hearts.
We share the house expenses.
We do not all think the same or have the same views on almost anything, except that we should be together.
There are other houses that are part of this community and we get together when we can, weekly at the very least.
We have our outside friends, our own politics and our own spiritual beliefs.
It is unimportant that we think alike and probably better, but it is important to respect each other.
We bump in to each other, get angry, even sometimes yell.  We keep trying to go further in our hearts and learn something each day.
We collectively are not celibate, John has a girl friend and i have many friends, David's gift is with animals and Eric loves politics.
We get along and each day is something new.

Fire

There are reasons for the way i live,
a communal, spiritual, shared lifestyle
that few understand, but most seem to respect.
This evening, John comes down the stairs, declaring, "something is burning".
We look around the house and decide that it is out side.
When we open the door, our neighbors car across the street is on fire,
there are other people looking from outside,
but we react.
David, our most limited member, calls 911.
John, grabs two of the many fire extinguishers he has around the house,
I switch the sprinkler hose with a jet hose.
John puts out the fire,
I cool the car so it will not re catch on fire.
The fire department arrives, pries open the hood and insures no more fire will occur,
They find the damage has not spread.
Of course the neighbors car is totaled,
but there was a wood fence,
a pine tree
and a lot of electrical wires that did not get involved.

Of course i had to fall once getting the hose ready, but it was of no import.
No one got hurt, the fire did not spread.

Waking

I awoke this morning to find My cat,
of 17 or 18 years
and 2 years past,
meowing in my face.
I was helping someone,
giving them things from my garden,
a person whom others would call homeless,
but i do not know,
i just knew she had to eat.
There was my cat,
doing what he always did,
chasing vermin
and giving love.
I then remembered it is almost 2 years since he left
and i started on my adventure.
I was reminded that he had Siamese eyes,
blue and slightly crossed,
but was not blind in either eye,
as is what usually happens.
He was a lion among the domestic species,
clearing the area of rats,
mice,
squirrels,
a possum or two
and a raccoon.
I think he still is around,
ridding the yard of vermin.
I wonder if that is what i am to do?

steps

One step in front of the other.
That is as it is, as it will be forever.
Down the street,
Down the steep slope,
across the bridge and the "river".
One step in front of the other,
down to work.
At work,
one thing at a time,
the same as one step in front of anther.
Not a different pace or action,
but how it is.
Going home,
cross the bridge,
cross the river,
one step at a time,
one foot in front of the other.
Slowly now, up that steep hill,
one step at a time.
vision blurred, body tired.
going home,
one step at a time.
Each step seems a formidable task,
when taken as a whole,
but one step,
i can manage.
One at a time,
one foot in front of the other.
Step, step,
almost home.
I stop.
I am home,
the steps have stopped
and i can
rest.

busy?

Words have been absent,
thoughts have not.
Actions have been many,
movement has been slow
and steady.
Many, many things are piling up around me,
trying to push me...
down
or around.
It seems they have not,
but words have escaped me.

tribute

I am sad today because i finally read of an end of one of my favorite bloggers.
Barry passed on yesterday.
I do not believe that death is an end and so i am not sorry that his suffering is at an end,
but i will miss his postings and i feel greatly for his family.
His blog, An explorers view of life,  was fukll of insight and hope.
I received a great deal of comfort from it.
No more to say than that.

Vision

Such a strange sight,
two pillars turn to four
and back again.
They oscillate, with one pair appearing,
while the other becomes just transparent.
Four then two,
is it a wall
or a path.
I can not tell.
Horizontal lines of light appear from nowhere.
stretching across my field of view,
like a silver spider web of fire.
Now cross hatches
as those silver light strands,
mix with the ridges that are the prisms in the glasses.
A mans head appears on top of a womans
and then she reappears as she should be.
How active this view
and in a perverse sort of way,
how beautiful, also.
I close my eyes,
"is it gone?", i ask.
As i open them the dance continues unabated
and so i join in.
learning new steps,
to a new dance,
in a new life.