A Saturday morning thing

i have seen the gulf,

between soul and spirit,

heart and mind.

I have heard words,

the ear can not hear

and sights the eye can not see.

The healing,

the merger,

of the two,

is a wondrous thing.

The beauty of things measured

and seen,

may pale,

to what we can not see.

These are not opposed,

seen and unseen,

known and unknown,

we quest for all of it

and should not be satisfied,

without that quest.

We speak of what we see,

but how can we describe,

that which is unseen?

Without tools to measure, how?

This is where,

the merging of soul and spirit,

of heart and mind,

is required.

It's Gone, is there nothing sacred?

Back in 2008,
I posted a memorial to a friend and coworker - Sergio de Jesus.
A bench had been placed in a park where he often reached out to people who were in trouble...
he worked with persons with HIV or AIDS and tried to help him.
He passed away due to his own health issues, but showed such courage...
The bench has been removed.
I do not know why, but there is something seriously wrong with this town to remove such a memorial.

I re-post the picture in remembrance

it is pouring out of me!

A window of opportunity

Smooth as silk,

soft as butter,

the words poured out,

of that snake's mouth.

I had heard things similar before,

catch words,

catch phrases,

that were sure to entice,

even the wisest of birds,

but i am not a bird

and so they had no effect on me.

Not in what they said,

but in what they did not say,

what they did not know,

this steered me clear.

How many times,

how many different ways,

have i heard this presentation.

I have been caught once,

maybe twice,

in snares much more elaborately laid.

This one did not interest me,

I have heard it before.

I was bored.

morning rush

stepping out side,

of my air conditioned home,

I am struck,

by what has been hidden from me,

through out the night.

The Air,

warm and moist,

with a delightful breeze;

brings me some where else

and a time far away.

Drifting white, puffy clouds,

becoming just illuminated,

by the sun rising,

as it always does,

bringing its early morning light.

I am brought to a seashore,

so far away

and i should be carrying a fishing pole,

but i am not.

i wander,

instead through the garden,

picking the vegetable delights.

A mosquito buzzes my ear,

as i move through the lush green.

It is trapped,

not by my hand,

but by a spider's web,

that i have broken through.

She now can forgive my indiscretion,

of breaking her web,

for she has food enough.

I returned to my artificial world,

inside my home

and the bubble of memories past,

pops.

singing does not come easy

a song

Some times,

when the cares of the world,

seem to close in on me.

When my heart is troubled,

by reports of possible doom,

i forget to sing.

That part of my brain and heart,

shut down,

as i use the rest of me to try to figure it out.

Silly, silly me,

it is only that other part,

the part i shut down,

that has the answers.

So i walk through the garden

and smell the herbs

and my senses are revived

and my heart

and mind sing,

yet again

Back to the adventure - seven year have passed

It has been seven years,
yes, you read correctly,
seven years since THE operation.
That one that changed the course of my life,
that changed me, physically,
more more importantly,
emotionally and Spiritually.
I do not write much about all of that,
it is that personal,
it simply is not for everyone's eyes.
I have more peace and tho i would not call my self content,
i am okay, in a positive manner.
The "waves" of life seem to disturb me less.
A doctor call last night,
(Correct, Sunday night),
concerning tests performed.
Most was fine,
but there were a few issues and questions.
The MRI/MRA were normal,
but there is a suggestion to go to a cardiologist because of some of the results
and some of my reports of things that have been going on.
I was told that in what i call the old testament,
one of the prophets talked about God's spiritual gifts.
One of them caught my ear...wonderment!
I have that all my life
and now it is in full gear,
churning and working
and being amazed...
where will my adventure take me next?

When will they ever learn?

My apologies to Peter, Paul and Mary.
This was going to be labeled "My Saturday Evening Post",
but i could not do it last night
and the title: "Sunday Evening Post" did not seem so dramatic.
It is good that i waited,
it brought me reflection, instead of anger
and reflection makes more sense to me at this point in my life.
The point you ask?
What in the world could i be going on about like this?
The waiting period was over,
the Cherry trees slated for destruction are gone
and now the concrete and metal "playground" of a carousel will happen.
The words of still another song for Joni Mitchell echo in my mind:
"Tear down paradise and put up a parking lot."
No this is not a parking lot,
but it is what we seem to like doing,
tear down the old, make it as if it is not
and put up something new,
which in a few short years,
will also be "old".
It does not matter
and as a friend says to me often;  :It is what it is".
SO be it.
I am not angry,
a bit sad, because the price of progress seems to never include the old,
but rather destroy it.

In the storm

in the struggle,

in the storm,

as waves rise

and the tempest roars,

i find peace.

It seems a strange thing.

Is it my gift?

Or is it my song?

I sing of the struggle,

but peace are the words.

How strange is this?

I do not understand this wondrous gift

and i give it out for free.

the answers to my questions seem far away,

yet, i am still

and my heart quiet.

My body and mind panic

and yet my heart is quiet,

how strange this is!

i guess it is that time of year again

more Doctor visits, more tests and tomorrow morning a MRI/MRA.
I seem to go up and down as far as my well being
and i want to know why.
The doctors do also, but always involves more tests and tomorrow's tests are not ones i like.
Okay, i can actively say I dislike them immensely.
I have many of these, but it does not get easier, so wish me luck!

oops, they did it again!

It should be no secret that I am not a fan of how the Mill River Park is being redeveloped.  To me, too many mistakes and too many inconveniences for those on the west side of Stamford.  So they began the next phase of the project, which was to put a carousel in the park, by tearing up the sidewalk leading down town.  I spoke my peace about it and am done with that, but all that was happening, stopped suddenly.  Inquiring minds (mine) want to know why and the answer I was given infuriated me.  The plan was to tear down 2 more of the remaining cherry trees, they had removed the commemorative plaque and some one stopped them.  I want to congratulate the planners for wasting more money, creating more inconvenience and getting on everyone's nerves.  How long for a new plan?

traveling back

I finished one book, my memoirs of work and now wait a publisher to like it,
but i am on another journey now and it is more difficult.
I did not think it would be, but recounting "my survival" of the operation of the brain tumor that was against my brain stem has been difficult.
It is difficult because i must go back to re-read my blog entries at the time and there is much trauma.
I have put much of it out of my hear, as if that is difficult to do.
I have noticed gaps in memory, holes I call them.
It is not short term memory loss, that tests very good, it is the collective view of thing over days and weeks and months.
I want to fill the two years that vanished after the problems in the aftermath of the operation, but i can not, so i write about it.
I remember labeling my recovery as "the adventure", it still is.
i wish the problems were all gone, but they are not
and so i write and give meaning to what is my suffering and find peace.