there will be no Resolutions for me

there will be no resolutions for the New year,
not this year,
nor years past,
 nor years future,
for God speaks,
even through a donkey
at times that are not of my own choosing.
Friends speak
when they see
and it is then i must make my resolve
to listen
and to change.
Life's lessons are man
and the time is never when we want
and so i remain ready
to hear
something new,
something some times painfuland change will come forth
or else i must learn the lesson yet again.

for a little while, i was missing

my voice has been quiet,

in a struggle with darkness.

It was only the darkness of this world,

but it surrounded me

and sought to bring me down.

my thoughts became dark and i sought to run and hide.

yet i was fleeing those who could help

and did not know it.

It was as if in a dark valley,

and then the psalmist comforts me;

"yea. though i walk through the valley..."

no, it was not death,

tho it felt so.

it was not of loss,

but it felt so.

it was only of this world and its norm.

I escaped its cold grasp

as always

through the help of others

i still live

and breath

and sing,

and write yet again.

as always

and another lesson is learned.

The silence is deafening

it was a quiet day at work,
too quiet.
Not that i was not busy,
but my ear began to hurt from the quiet.
Something was going on,
maybe in my heart,
maybe from being busy the past few days.
It was difficult.
There was a short bust where my heart was singing,
but the silence interrupted it,
i could not find in again.
This all was very strange,
I do not know....

I HAD HELP

today was the day to finish my cookie baking - two more to make and i do not think i would have dome it with out help.
I had help Friday, but today i had 2 to help.


Daughter



mother











Koulourakia and my own style of Kourambiethes.
light and airy was the result.






Kourambiethes



Koulourakia




My friend Irene, is very experienced in the kitchen, but with Indian food.  Her daughter was very good as well and i could not have done this with out them

the recipe is as follows...

Kourambiethes

(Joe's version)

1 cup whipped butter

1/3 cup raw sugar

2 teaspoons vanilla

1 teaspoon TANG

1 teaspoon orange peel (candied is okay) or zest

1 teaspoon anise flavor

1 teaspoon water

4 cups flour

1 1/2 cup pecans

1/4 cup powdered sugar

Beat the butter 30 seconds then add sugar and TANG and beat till fluffy.

Add zest or peel, nuts, orange and anise flavor and water.

Continue to beat until the mixture begins to  “ball” into clumps. (Sometimes I need to add more flour)

You may shape the cookie, keep in balls or “squash down”.  Your choice

Roll into balls and place on a baking tray and cook for 20 minutes at 350º F.

The cookies will have the edges just brown.

They must cool before removing from tray (but not cold).

Place on tray and cover with powdered sugar.

Eat at room temperature.

creations

With some  help i went a bit out of the box and started with some old fashion anise type cookies (Old Italian)










Then of course to baklava

in the pan

Seeing whats in them

Karidopida (a nut cake)

I also made an odd assortmet, for fun, of various sugar/nut cookies (too sweet for me)

The baklava is not too sweet (even with the syrup)

2 more on my list today

inspiration

I have taken the next few days off to bake.
It is here i am fluent (tho suspect i can't spell) Greek.
On my list is
baklava,
Kourambiethes,
karidopida,
Koulourakia.
I was able to make these only after the operation!
But my inspiration was/is my mom,
she, the old Greek baker, told me my baklava was the best she had eaten.
Since others said the same, it was not just the mother being proud of her son.

just for fun

remembering good things...

Mixed

As we aproach the Holidays,
i find my self shuttting down.
My mom feels very present
and this is a good feeling,
but i feel down,
more easily agitated than normal.
a bit more confused.
I am gaining pounds and i don't care
and i am not even eating badly,
but for me it is a sign of not caring.
I will get through this,
It is the first Christmas..I expected this,
but i will be okay.
I find tho in the positive
i have been saying NO to many people who want to demand of me.
They need to understand.

visitations

Most of my flowers are salmon colored
 (okay by most i mean, impatience. christmas cactus and Hybiscus),
As shown below,

But suddenly, there is red appearing...


My mom's favorite color was read...
I think she's hanging around...

its nice

Seeing through a glass darkly

perhaps i understand that statement better than most...
Not that every thing i say is correct or even presented well,
but i feel
and sometimes think i understand...
for long time persons visiting this blog, you know that my background is of a Greek Orthodox.
but i do not speak or read Greek (i do know the alphabet, but because of science, not upbringing).
Never the less, i have an utmost respect for different beliefs and as the are called denominations.
I hear and see the different squabbles and i do not think of these "debates" as having anything to do with a spiritually, 
I see my 2 cats, who had the same view of the world, same goals in life and same "owner", fighting over some perceived issue.  they fought like 2 brothers and forgot about it after 9or when i intervened).
None of us know any thing fully.
We see,
as i saw through my Fresnel lens inserts,
distorted,
confused,
with a little bit of clarity that helped me make my way.
Even though, i see now more with my heart than any thing (even in my Environmental Blog)
and some times,
just some times.
i get it correct.

Mom's Minis

Texas Farm

Colorado?

Hill Country Texas - Canyon Lake

Canyon Lake with bluebonnets

Cayon Lake with more blue bonnets



Colorado Ranch

Galveston - Winter time

Galveston Summer

The following are "minis" painted by my mom - they prove she was a much better artisit than i, they are all less than 4" x 6"



Still life - Early (1970's)

A little diversion or Curleys

Yea, I went there.
I had not, you know.
Never before,
That little dive called "Curleys".
I respect them,
they fought eminent domain and won,
And I went and it was good.
A typical diner type place -
with the owners speaking Greek to a customer
 (after all what diners in this area are not owned by Greeks?)
And the Wait staff and bus people speaking Spanish.
I wanted a burger, a simple burger, nothing fancy.
There are many burger places coming soon to Stamford -
5 Guys,  The Station eats, Plan B Burger to name a few.
There are many places here now - Tiernan's - a nice Irish style pub,
Napa & company  - for the Koby beef burger,  even g/r/a/n/d has gone for burgers.
But i wanted something simple.
I got it medium - i think you can guess why...
But the burger came out - perfect - crispy, medium with juice, full of flavor and it was wonderful.
I ordered the plate, but could not finish all that was there,
but the hanburger had to be done with!

Thursday are not the best

Thursdays are not good for me.
My eyes, from the strain at work,
 are strained,
my mind, from the strain of my eyes,
 is distracted.
My body, form both of the above,
is tired and i am not relaxed.
Thursday, i wake up later than even Fridays
and seem to hurry my self to get to work.
Work always seems like a jumble
and then there are more things that happen on Thursday,
of course!
I try to relax in the evening,
but i am still wound up,
yet i am tired.
These are the tough days.
Tomorrow, tho, is Friday!
And i do have my tree up!

Funny I took pictures of the tree, but can't find them - typical of a Thursday!

the fog came in ....



The forbidden bridge...again



Down River

We had a full day of fog yesterday and rain today, but there are now some pictures i will paint when life gives me time....

It was dark enough that the flash kept wanting to kick in ,but then all i got were speckles...cause of the fog!

off the forbidden bridge

A while back a state inspector declared this  "purple bridge so hazardous that it could not be used for even pedestrian traffic.  You should note one of the pictures, taken after the hurricane with all the debris back against it forcing large amount of pressure on this "unsafe" bridge.  The report written made the bridge out to be so bad that the supervisor, reading the report declared "i won't let my cat cross.  The city dutifully closed it off and with the current administration and economy, it has remained closed.

The geese still love this spot and come when called!

just random pictures

Jake with his favorite duck

Cold, but still going...an early morning shot

i do not generally just post pictures..but today is different and so here are some more...

old camera, great effect from last year

the other side of the mirror

yes, you "hear" all the rumblings of my heart here.
it is my way of "cleansing" my soul from the every day things of life,
because i live in this world,
but i do not feel part of it.
I wake up thankful.
It is a new day, i will rejoice and be glad in it.
there are so many good things to feel and see.
and i can,
i am not dead yet,
but i feel,
and think
and touch every thing in this life,
and it does affect me.
but i am not really changed
and i still look out for more than just me.
So read my struggles, for we all struggle in this life.
I embrace every thing that comes my way and try to learn.
know that i can be still and hear that still small voice that leads me where i should go...