week 3 - the last week

The roses with what is replacing them - more roses!

After hving a wonderful/terible week,
the roses still have an intense, wonderful odor, but are finishing.
They take my mind off the terrible (namely work).
They are being replaced by things with out odor, but are beautiful



a small daisy-like wild flower i have let take over



another wild rose - without odor



damp, cool, miserable

35 years ago Memorial day weekend,
i arrived in this foreign land called Connecticut.
As a Texas boy,
 not having experienced any "weather" outside of Texas,
save a snowfall in August in Yellowstone...
i was shocked.
The upper temperatures were well below the lowest temperature in Houston at this time,
i was cold.
Today reminds me of this,
I woke up last night
and could not go back to sleep,
but nothing was troubling me.
Then i turned on the supplemental heater i have in my room
and
Wham!
i was asleep.
Yes, it is a typical
damp, cool (or cold by my view), miserable Connecticut Memorial Day weekend!

more singing

At work,

Crunching numbers and data and such,

I begin to lose the song,
But walking in I was singing,
For I have been a caged animal,
Pacing back and forth in a cage,
I did not see,
And had been in so long,
I did not notice.
For the ghost of my past have come and opened the cage.
I stood still for a moment,
Not knowing what to do.
Then I bounded out
Free.
Those ghost were not there to haunt me,
Nor cause me harm.
They did not chide me for past wrongs,
Only came to free me,
Thank God.
Now I sing again
And my soul takes flight,
Laughing and crying with delight.

cleaning house

The past months
or weeks
or days
I have been having deep, vivid, exacting dreams.
People of my past,
my mother,
my dad
and my love.
Last night;
Penny was in the dream:
she was the one whom i met when i first moved here to CT,
and our relationship of some 7 years (albeit not a perfect relationship)
was cut off by her death
for she succumbed to leukemia after treatments failed,
suddenly and unexpectedly
and i was working in the lab when she came to me,
speaking to me : "tell everyone I love them, I've got to go now."
And it was so profound,
 i sat down,
unable to continue to work for a bit.
Thirty minutes later i got the call that she had passed,
but i already knew.

The dreams?
They have been clearing my heart of grief unspoken and carried for so many years.
I wake up crying so many times theses past week,
but they are not tears of pain,
they are clearing the grief i have kept too long.

what to do?

Rainy dreary days,
a head ache from this weather that does not want to stop,.
beauty surronds me as the next set of roses come out,
but i do not see this.

Now for me,
cooking heals the heart and head,
so i make something different...
not much work.

Egg noodles
butter and garlic and red peppers,
chives and parslet.
Julianned carrots and
lemon juice with condensed mushroom soup.
Vegetarian enough..

so one more ingredient - ground lamb with more lemon -
drain the fat, add the lemon and mix.
Not too much lemon,
mot too much garlic,
not too much lamb.

Very good for a Greek's comfort food!.

week 2

 The second week,
 more intense than the first,
attracting the pollenators,
such a bounty to enjoy!
and the humans!
The wild roses come,

soon the pink wild roses will come,

but not quite yet...

reflections on a Sunday morning

One post at another blog cause a great deal of reflection:
they asked what was my most profound spiritual experience.
The reality is that i have had many and each has changed my life significantly.
The first is simple:  remembering being baptised when i was three years old.
Yes as a Greek Orthodox, it is normal to baptise still younger, yet my parents waited and a remember it and verified it as an adult because it was done in Norfolk, VA, not Houston, Texas.
The last was this crazy operation - which put things into perspective and brought me to a place of not being afraid of death.
Others were a conversion experience when i was in college,
meeting the people who would bring me up to Connecticut as part of a religious order - lay, but similar to a non-denominational monastery, part of the episcopal church,
and of course many others - tempering me and refining me along the way.
Yes, i go church regularly, but not always, mostly because i am part of a small community of people who are together much more often than once a week.
I will go to which ever church is near me, without a great regard to denomination, for i have attended a Buddhist service, Catholic, Greek orthodox (of course), a Jewish synagogue and many, many in between, but i particularly like a very old Episcopal Church in downtown Stamford.
There is obviously more still to my journey, since i am still here.

brethe in, breathe out - don't forget to breathe, very important

lots of little bits,
dreams of the unusual kind.
memories that are not always pleasant.
My dad passed in 1996 in May.
At the time i was told to be strong for my mother.
I guess i remained strong since - till today -
2 dreams, one 2 days ago,
one this morning.
Both with my dad.
One was of being informed he had passed,
the other he was helping me on a trip.
Today, i am not strong any more.
So much feeling,
i must remember to breathe.

tweaking store bought spices

a break from my normal blogging,
i go back to cooking.
Coleslaw, bought bagged from the store
with pfifers coleslaw dressing...
but wait there is more than just that dressing.
add some milk, sou crean, black pepper and apple cider vinegar
and let it sit a day in the fridge-\then it becomes fine.
Lawry's chilplte baja marinade -
add it to hambuger meat and mix well...
then grill the bugers and people will be begging for more.
See, i can even use what everyone else uses!

wild roses

sitting at my quiet place on a Sunday morning,

sipping my coffee

and feeling the breeze blow gently,

i get lost in thought,

my heart comes out

and i truly relax.

My sences are suddenly assailed by a scent.

It does not seem right to use such a word,

but this wonderful sweet fragrence comes but once a year.

For a few short weeks the wild white roses bloom

and as they bloom they perfume the air and stop all else.

There is no other color or scent that is as pronounced

and my thoughts are driven further from me

in the ectasy of the smell being released.

Such a small flower and so fleeting,

Ah, but so powerful.

facing mothers day without my mom

this is the second year,
last year was a blur
and no longer in my memory...
it was not pleasant,
but this year i am taking a different approach
for there are other mother who are out there
who are looking after me
in heart and spirit
and so i acknowldge each of them today.
For Marie, mother of one and community member
who has been there with me in all my trials for almost 38 years.
For Margarita, mother of three, co-worker,
who has offered me wisdom and emotional support for 26 years.
For irene, mothere of one, co-worker and friend,
who has distracted me with laughter and companionship for 19 years.
For Jenny, mother of 4 and co-worker,
who has managed to find time to check up on me to make sure i was okay for 10 years.
For Zakiry, mother of 2 and nieghbor,
who is just there with her children sharing stories and coffee for 3 years.
This is an acknowledgement of mothers, who are not mine, but have made my life better.

Whats been goin' on...

Not many posts,
that's for sure.
Good news seems to be corrupted,
turned on its head
and spewed out in my head,
as something bad.
Doctor visits, lots of them,
too many.
And then more referrals.
The eye/head trauma doctor wants me to see a neurologist,
so does my own regular doctor.
Things are still not quite right,
even tho things are steadily improving.
I don't like so many Doctor visits,
it makes me nervous.

I want to stay in my garden and enjoy this long drawn out Spring.

Why?

A real question when it comes to cooking...
My most requested item to bring when going over to others for dinner is my Greek inspired corn bread.
It is complicated.
Prep time take 45 minutes.
You seperate and beat eggs,
whip butter
fold in the corn meal...etc...
Then you bake for 40 minutes, but it is incredible.
I have never tasted cornbread like this, very light and airy.
It is inspired by a recipe from Greece, a nut cake (Karidopida), but who invented this?
Who figured out that only this way everything would be so light and fluffy,
even with nuts in it, you would eat it and want more.
I guess the why is self evident, it is out of this world in taste!

I get many request, brisket is the next most requested and it can take 12 hours or more,
but the why...we could just go out somewhere, but there is something special to cooking and serving.
I guess that is why.
I got a good picture of the moon Friday, before the clouds took over.

a bit of fear

Yesterday, my doctor had me take a stress test.
He has been doing this for a long time, every year.
This year, i became aware of something going on as i approached a 7 minute mark -
I was having a panic attack!
I was thinking, i would not be able to breath again,
that i could not recover and live.
I realized that this has been going on since the "operation",
 when i did stop breathing in the middle of the proceedure.
The momories that i am not aware of are still around me.

The counter terrorists work

Yes that cute, lovable creature was over again...
and at it again...

The hamberger was on the counter for cooking,
we all went away for a moment or so
and the next i hear is"where is the hamberger, Joe?"

It was gone, all 1.5 pounds of it,
with only a scap of syrofoam to show.

Yes the counter terrorist had struck again!
and a guest was coming and there was no meat to cook!

So we mafde the best of it and went to Station Eats in Stamford!
I had the special, Station Burger with chili cheese fries -
Ah so good - could almost thank our own resident Counter Terrosit!

Looks - Acts cute?