sharin my cookin smells with the neighborhood

This is not a recipe,
it is a way of coking.
This is not a winter,
it is 50 F on the last day of January.
There is no snow on the ground.
I have the "girls" here
and so the doors are open so they can enjoy.
I have a cheap piece of pork rib (they call it country ribs)
and i start with olive oil to brown the meat.
add onions and garlic and some of that dried oregano from my garden.
The smells waft out the open door and attract my neighbors.
Red wine, but first some fennel seed.
Tomato sauce and then let it simmer down.
The pasta will come later with a salad.
I seem to have a lot of friends in the neighborhood,
you wonder why?

not sure if i should've gotten out of bed today

The signs were there
it should have been obvious,
I was oblivious.
The walk in to work was okay,
'cept for the car that speed up as i was in the cross walk,
missing me by feet,
but i continued on.
Then there was the man asking for money for coffee,
I bought him a coffee,
but he wanted more money after that.
I kept going.
At work, after i punched in,
i found that my reading glasses were not with me.
I can not work with out them,
not with what i do,
so i went back and the same man accosted me again.
I walked on this time.
Home i had to change out of my shirt and get a new hat,
they were soaked with sweat.
Back to work and i see the same guy working other people,
he did not try me again.
Work was busy,
many phone calls due to a letter that had gone out.
I was trying to correct some code in VBA,
but the interruptions made it near impossible.
The calls were nice tho and i settled in and answered the questions the best i could,
nice people all.
Bed bugs, water samples, questions,
it was a busy day.
I got the code to work and i was happy.
It ended up being a good day despite a auspicious beginning.

The corn bread

This is the lightest, flufiest cornbread i have ever had.  Some of the flavor ingredients are optional.
It is also comfort food.

Cornbread

(Greek inspired!)

you can play a little with this recipe, but if you go overboard, it will not rise

i have added 1 cup cooked grits (for texture) and 1 tablespoon of granulated sugar (to increase sweetness) and substituted 1 can of creamed corn (time and texture) without it falling on me.

4 sticks of softened butter

8 eggs - separated
1/8 teaspoon cream of tarter
2 cups Maseca (cornmeal)
2 tablespoons Baking Powder
1 cup half & half (if using the cream corn add 1/2 cup)
1/2 cup sour cream (flavor)
1 cup corn (thawed frozen or canned)
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 cup diced cilantro (flavor)
1/2 cup chopped chives (flavor)
2 chipolte peppers (diced or shredded) (flavor)
8 oz shredded cheese (flavor)

 beat egg whites with cream of tartar until just stiff and set aside

beat egg yolks until thick and then add butter and whip
add salt, half & half and sour cream and continue to beat,
mix corn meal and baking powder
slowly mix in corn meal mixture
fold in corn, cilantro, chives and poblano peppers
fold in the egg whites
pour into large 9 x 12 pan and bake at 350 for 40 minutes
top with the shredded cheese and continue to bake an additional 10 minutes
The edges should be just golden.

Comfort food

not having enjoyed my work week, last night i went to one of my favorite comfort foods,
Linguini with clam sauce. it helped.

Linguini/spaghetti with clam sauce

 One of my favorite - got to have it meals

 3 cans baby clams - chopped, minced and whole and all of the liquid

1 tablespoon garlic, chopped
1 can anchovies (minus the couple i eat as they come out of the can)
Olive oil to cover the bottom of the pot
1/4 cup dry oregano (I use what i dried from my garden, but any dry oregano is good)
2 tablespoon parsley (dry is okay, but fresh is best)
1/4 cup olives and preserving liquid
2 cups wine
1 teaspoon crushed red pepper
1 cup scallions, chopped
1 teaspoon salt
1 pound pasta of your choice
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
 

The garlic, oregano and anchovies is added to the olive oil and sautéed

The clams with broth is added with 1 tablespoon parsley
this is brought to a simmer and then the crushed red pepper, olives with liquid and wine is added and brought to a simmer.
This must be reduced by 1/2 volume before cooking the pasta, but keep it at a simmer
cook the pasta according to the direction and reduce the time by 2 minutes
add 1/2 cup scallions and the parmesan cheese to the clam mixture and mix well
taste and add salt to your taste
drain the pasta and add it to the clam broth
let the pasta soak in the clams juice for the 2 minutes and turn off the heat

This is where me and my house differ.
I would serve it now and have the pasta be beautiful and al dente
They would have me leave the pasta till soft (it actually tastes even better this way because all the juice is soaked up)

serve with the remainder of the parsley and scallions on top

add additional cheese if desired

Fog and Rain - a lot like life

Today was the perfect description
Fog, drizzle, rain,
the way lighted,
but not quite clear,
not quite safe.
So much just like life is.

A quandary and a hope for intelligence

A much too important question not to be answered,
I posted on my other blog, hoping for some response:
What is public Health?
But the reason for the question created a great big stir in me.
I find my self fighting the issue with people who should know better.
Are they lazy?
Not wanting to do work?
Are they so disinterested in having any kind of meaning for their work or life?
I can not work that way,
I can not live that way.
Vaccines, one of the most important advances in public health were being dismissed as not part of a health departments job.
This confuses me,
this get me angry.
I do not comprehend the thought behind such issues with something so fundamental as vaccines.

i do not like getting up in the morning

it is not because i am lazy
nor is it because i don't want to go to work,
(tho the later might be true some times).
No it is because when i wake up,
my face and eyes are toward a wall, not more than a foot away
and as i open my eyes
everything i see for that instant is single.
That changes when i turn around and face the wall that is ten feet from me,
I always turn back,
but in order to get moving, i must go the other way
and i don't want to.

every day is a struggle

but that struggle means we still live

and by some chance might encourage

someone.

A Snow Day

The day of snow was pretty
and now its going away,
washed away in a warmish rain.
I like snow this way.

I did not go out because of the slush,
which was slippery,
so i stayed in and tried to go through things...

Those things were of course, the things still waiting for me from my mom's stuff.
Pictures and things...
It still is not easy,
but the memories are mostly very good.
A sketch pad of many, many different "prequels" to a painting.
I thought for some reason of the sketch pads of Leonardo Di Vinci.

So truly good things came from a snow day...

its cold, i think soup

This is how i deal
today:

Potato Leek Soup

(its a thick one)

1 bunch leeks - cut into 1/2 inch pieces, cleaned and soak in cold water over night
5 potatoes, diced into 1/4 pieces (I do not peel them)
2 sticks butter
2 cups wine
1 tablespoon salt
2 tablespoons course ground black pepper
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
1 teaspoon hot red pepper flakes
1 tablespoon chopped ginger
1/4 cup smoked meat (ham, bacon, turkey, whatever you have around)
2 cups broth of any kind
1 cup milk
1 cup half and half
1 cup of potato flakes (instant potatoes)

melt the butter and just brown the potatoes

add the leeks, seasonings and meat and mix well
add the wine and 2 cups broth
bring to a boil and reduce heat to a simmer for a minimum of 1 hour
Add milk and half and half and allow to simmer for at least 30 minutes (the longer, the better).
Add enough potato flakes to just thicken (many times less than a cup) and serve.

Note:  I have awaken my need for soke, it has not gone away

Snow and such

For the second time this season,
we have snow.
This is not bad for New England,
It is on a Saturday,
so i am not walking to work,
but it reminds me of my sleep last night,
a sleep that was sound,
but with many troubled dreams,
fights with people and places i did not know.
This, blanketed by my sleep,
so i did not wken,
but i remembered the sensation,
the struggle,
I woke late and the world was white.

a bit more on the meaning of like.

It was an innocent start,
a lunch,
a short trip to a Trader Joe's
and there was more difficulty with my eyes than had been.
Perhaps i was complaining,
sometimes i do,
but then the question came:
"do you ever wish they hadn't taken out the tumor?".
I had a quick response and there was silence after,
a long silence.
I answered simple enough,
with truth,
"never, for other wise i would be dead."
A deep silence enveloped the car,
but it was because all were relizing what it meant,
that little bit of truth.
And the meaning and the wonder of life was clear.

The meaning of Living and life

A light layer of white lays on the ground,
it is not a blizzard
and it is a welcome relief from the terrible cold of the other day,

but i am struggling in my heart

and every thing is "why?".

i do not have answers,

I do not have direction.

I seem to plod along,

wandering in the snow.

Work,

 life,

 living.

what they are for

and for but a moment,

i do not know.

All things pass

and become the past

as will this

and probably by mid morn i will be fine.

Slip, slosh, slog, slosh. Slip

I make my way slowly today,

Carefully.

I am going too early and too late for a ride.

Past the sacred Heart Church,

Down the steep slope of Smith Street.

I have made it down the slope of Pine.

Streets with no houses, but streets of great importance,

To me.

A great noise - crows

replaced by a louder noise - geese

Cross the new pedestrian way of the Mill River Bridge.

I still ponder what was going through my head earlier,

But am distracted by the mere act of surviving the walk.

Survival is not all what it is about,

But I am not interested

in the yelling and the fighting and the anger

that seems to be part of what everyone else calls “surviving”.

I have no interest in that.

No desire for that.

I tend to withdraw now with that,

But do not provoke the beast, there is still bite left.

Do not corner him, do not push him.

And I still ponder the meaning of this thing called life…

And i still ask, why?

Why am i still here?

This is deep

and i can fall into an abbyss thinking.

I do not need to think,

but to be,

There are answers,

but i do not have to know them,

i just know that there are answers.

It is good enough for me.

Rainbows from the past week

enough said!

Morning of a winters day

A large piece of beef - bottom round, chuck roast it was labled,
i picked it up the other day on a good sale for a cold day to cook it.
Today is good, cold, cloudy, yuk!
My spices will lead me,
garlic and onion first, sweet them down in olive oil,
the beef to sear next,
both sides.
the juice for 2 clemintines,
salt and clack pepper.
Ginger, alspice, 2 juniper berries.
celery and carrots
and then the red wine.
i turned the heat to low and let it cook.
I'll serve this one with potatoes, mashed or baked!
This will warm my heart!

Playing peek-a-boo with the moon



now you see it



Now you don't

Walking in today was fun,

the gibbous moon was playing peek-a-boo through the clouds.

A Friday is nice,

but I am confused,

this is January,

it feels like March.

The wild wind,

blowing the clouds around.

My normal walk,

what surprise do I find today at the Mill river bridge?

Tap, tap, tap, my cane goes and then
"Clang, clang,
wood on metal.

Another game that has been played,

 close the bridge,

someone else opens it.

Close the bridge,

 a resident of Stamford,

a pedestrian,

cuts the fence and it is open yet again.

Today, there is something different,

a metal bridge on the bridge, covering the “failed” part and the bridge is opened again, officially.

It is dark again, the moon is hiding and the sun is not up yet.

A bright light from an open store makes me wobble,

I lose my balance,

I do not fall,

that is what the cane is for.

 Friday the 13^th, not a bad start to the day.

The wild wind brought winter back.
A bit of snow,
only flurries rushing past

If this post seems a bit disjointed, so is the weather!

back in the sadle again

Yes the soup worked
and the guest who came over enjoyed it so much she came for thirds the next day.
There is a beauty in cooking something slow that can not occur in a quick meal.
The flavors develop,
love becomes more apparent.
This is what i like to do.

A full moon and a minor flu



Used With Permission from Sefano De Rosa as seen in Spaceweather.com

The bright, full moon was so loud,

it woke me from a sound sleep

a sleep filled with unusual,

unremembered dreams,

of people known and unknown.

So many dreams,

so many people.

My body aches,a minor level of the flu.

it makes each cell feel like it is to explode,

yet they do not.

This is not deadly, but uncomfortable.

I have no fear of this,

but it hurts far worse than those things that would have claimed my life.

Those things are past,

and the memory of then is awakened by simple things and i tremble.

My remedy, as always, is to cook.

A soup of old, frozen, fresh, pork ham bones,

cilantro,
lime,
black beans,

corn,

jalapeno peppers diced thin

and crisped, corn tortillas, cut in slices.

The bones cook down,

releasing their savory scent into the air

and it makes me feel better.

Cilantro brightens the air.

Now what is next?

Enchiladas!

Cheese, with my own sauce and done in a Tex-Mex style.

Now i am happy and those aches have left me.

Never let anyone tell you food does not heal, it does.

Winter Finally Arrives

It was god awful cold
(what God has to do with awful, I do not know),

I wake up chilled,

It is hard to shake it off,

so I prepare a soup…

hearty, full of flavor
from frozen Thanksgiving’s turkey carcass
and frozen chicken stock
and frozen turkey stock.
The pot begins to boil and I turn it to a simmer.
It will keep until I return.

Tap, tap, tap goes my cane on the sidewalk.

There is no breeze,

so my many layers keeps me warm.

I hollow creak on boards (from the bridge we will not say)

And an echoing tap, tap, tap of my cane on the strong planks.

Yesterday, nothing to do with winter,

A drill and a grind of a dentist in my mouth,
brought back unremembered terror
from an operation so long ago.
It was remembered deep in my soul,
The drill and the crack of bone,
And the dentist saw I was struggling
and asked continually if I was okay.
I was, I would reply
And I was, really
For I knew it was but a remembrance of a terror long ago,
so it seems,
Tho the aftermath I still feel.

I feel the cold today,

but it is January and we have been fortunate.

The frost of Christmas (?),

That should have been on Halloween (wait, there was snow then).

I remain confused about what has transpired with the weather,

But it has been mild,

And I still had oregano from my garden

and chives

and cabbage leaves

but no more

for this is the first day of true cold

and winter has finally arrived

The question is...Why?

Never "why me?",

but why.

Simple,

 direct,

there is a mindful purpose in everything that happens.
It is used for good.

Yes, i believe that..

All things work together for good for those who are called...

Yes I believe that.

There is no mindless entity making a mockery of my life.

It all works together in ways i do not understand,
I do not have to have understanding,

I am but me.

So the "whys?" are answered by not knowing,

but believing.

The Buddhist say there is suffering in this world
and there is no doubt of this.
So why should i, in my own suffering, create more in my neighbor?
I strive not too.
This is not to become a better person,

tho that is what happens.

It is in some simple way to bring Glory to the One i try with this feeble life to serve.

to do good, not evil.

Then the "why" becomes a statement,

answered with each breath i take.

lessons learned

In view of conversations
there are things learned
and things to share.
In this current "Adventure" i find myself,
regarding the things that happened from the removal of the tumor in the back of my head,
I have never said "why me",
tho i believe i used to complain about my life before.
(how silly i was)
I have been frustrated and bewildered that i can not help as i want.
(there is a fix-it beast that runs amok in my heart many times)
I have wondered what i can do with what has happened
and i find that i am surprised at the encouragement i give..
i marval at that, truely, i do!
For perhaps, more than ever,
I see myself as the ugly duckling, who has not looked in the mirror as of late.
Why i believe that God uses us at any time and any circumstance,
I do not know,
but there is more to life than many make of it.
I do not wish statere among men,
nor recognition,
just to do what i can for whom ever is placed in my path.
I get taken for rides at time,
by those who want things from this world,
but it is not what i value
and it is those who value the little bit that i do, i seek.
How strange are the lessons then
and how marvelous!

The home cook advantage vs ethnic restaurants

So i escape the wonder of my recent cage
I am left to ponder
and remember

On my list of places to go was Fiesta in Stamford, a Peruvian restaurant.
In my life i am fortunate to have people who are from various countries share their food with me.
As i ate at Fiesta, fairly unimpressed, i thought about this.
The meal was not bad, but was not memorable, but the why is more important than the how.
I was immediately comparing it to  food prepared by a neighbor, for her Peruvian boyfriend and shared with me.
The home cook won hands down.
Thinking of a similar restaurant, but of Italian flavor, Rizzutos, did not have that disappointment, it was comparable to Italian home cooks i have know.  I went with some of those and they enjoyed it also.
I thought back at my disappointment of  EOS in Stamford, because i compared it to my mom's cooking (and my own)
I thought of my excitement at TAWA, because for the first time, Indian food tasted like a close friend of mine and her husband had shared with me.
I would not even talk about Mexican cuisine in Stamford - mostly, i will eat my own as will i eat my own Texas barbecue.
There are other ethnic restaurants i have been to, but have little to compare them to such as little Buddha and Kits kitchen and i often wonder if i would be disappointed if i knew a Thia home cook.