For years I have been a sufferer of various allergies, dust, mold, pollen, certain grasses.
Most of those were found when i was a child and they gave me shots to minimize them.
In a different part of the country now, the seasonal allergies have given me a fit, but are fairly well controlled using Allegra!
When i first moved up here, i worked as an analytical chemist in a plastics coating company and they sold their goods to various produce companies including Hersey's chocolate. One day Hersey's wanted us to analyze a taste problem they thought was happening and sent us a 25 pound block of chocolate. We only needed a few micrograms to do the test.
After concluding there was no problem with the chocolate, the rest was left for us to eat and I did enjoy it!
The problem was, after that when i would eat chocolate, i would break out, rapidly.
My first food allergy.
I also loved strawberries and was involved in a food co-op with the community i was part of for the poorer neighborhood that we were living in. Several of us would go down at 3:30 in the morning to New York and purchase food from the distribution markets down there and it would be in bulk and in season we picked up strawberries. And i would sample them and sample them and did i say sample them?
Well it was not long before i would start to choke up on the strawberries and could not eat them anymore. There would also be a strange physiological reaction, I would become despondent, close to depressed for a significant time after. Now, i was not always the cheeriest person, so there was not a lot of difference, but enough for those closest to me to notice. I stopped eating strawberries.
There are other things i need to stay away from in large quantities, eggplant is one. They call them night shades, but not all.
I can eat tomatoes and HOT peppers with no problems, but must limit mild peppers.
After the tumor was removed, there were changes, I no longer break out eating chocolate, but i am cautious not to over do it. Eggplant still causes problems and strawberries seemed not to cause too much of an issue, until last night.
We went to IHOP for dessert and i had a strawberry crepe and soon after that became uncontrollably depressed for about 30 minutes. It left rapidly, but I will be leaving strawberries alone for a while. No long lasting effects, but like i said, strawberries are back on the take in moderation list.
The worst thing was during this time period, I spoke with my mother, who is not the easiest person to talk to as she does exude that it is some how my fault that i am not seeing correctly and that the reason that i do not drive down is because i do not want ot see her. This was not a good conversation, but it will be better another time.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
When I signed that paper...
When I signed that paper authorizing them to operate on me last August, it warned me of all the dire consequences, death, paralysis, blindness, facial palsy, etc. etc....
This was the morning of the operation and if i was ever going to be scared, really scared, it was going to be then. I was, but shortly i was under anesthesia and would not know any more til i woke, twice.
No where did they warn me about possible spiritual awakenings or new perspectives on life, perhaps i should sue them, because that was what happened.
I was always attempting to live different, i lived (and still do) in a spiritual community, but my perspective was not clear, still clouded by my aversion to the fundamental Christianity that i had a brief encounter with, so harsh and judgmental that i really did not want to be anything like that.
But not wanting to be like something does not define belief.
Over the course of this not seeing well, i think i have come to see.
Everyone is one a journey and i do not think it ends with this one life we have.
In that i do embrace early Christian and Buddhist teachings.
It is not as simple as believing in Jesus or not sinning (what ever that means).
There obviously is suffering, i have now experienced it first hand.
That gives me a better perspective on life any way.
SO what has happen?
I am uncontrollably positive in my outlook. When things look bleakest, i really believe something positive is going to happen.
The pain and the difficulty seeing is nothing more than more positive steps to take.
I have the hardest time now around people who complain FOR NO REAL REASON, there are enough of us who really have a reason to complain and a lot of us do not and some of us are in the middle of the lesson.
(Grant, you have a reason, but you are also finding a good release in your bunnies!)
There was something i was taught, but had a hard time believing, everyone has a portion of the truth, none of us have it all. I actually see it now and those lessons each learns is where we can see the truth.
I am unabashedly a fighter, but i think i have learned more how to channel that energy so it does not have me going in a hamster wheel.
That one is funny, because i did learn that lesson physically in tea kwon do. When in a match, i would block and wait until the correct moment to strike, it worked.
The same occurs in my life. i try to work with what is thrown at me until the right moment.
Do i still get angry? You betcha! Do i let it control me? No way!
Now i get the chance to teach people how to help me. That is a new thing cause i would previously (figuratively) lay on the floor crying like a spoiled brat and no one would know what to do.
It is all interesting!
It is funny also the confidence in what I can do and who i am and what i know.
That allows me to say "I do not know" much more easily.
So much for my lessons this Saturday morning.
This was the morning of the operation and if i was ever going to be scared, really scared, it was going to be then. I was, but shortly i was under anesthesia and would not know any more til i woke, twice.
No where did they warn me about possible spiritual awakenings or new perspectives on life, perhaps i should sue them, because that was what happened.
I was always attempting to live different, i lived (and still do) in a spiritual community, but my perspective was not clear, still clouded by my aversion to the fundamental Christianity that i had a brief encounter with, so harsh and judgmental that i really did not want to be anything like that.
But not wanting to be like something does not define belief.
Over the course of this not seeing well, i think i have come to see.
Everyone is one a journey and i do not think it ends with this one life we have.
In that i do embrace early Christian and Buddhist teachings.
It is not as simple as believing in Jesus or not sinning (what ever that means).
There obviously is suffering, i have now experienced it first hand.
That gives me a better perspective on life any way.
SO what has happen?
I am uncontrollably positive in my outlook. When things look bleakest, i really believe something positive is going to happen.
The pain and the difficulty seeing is nothing more than more positive steps to take.
I have the hardest time now around people who complain FOR NO REAL REASON, there are enough of us who really have a reason to complain and a lot of us do not and some of us are in the middle of the lesson.
(Grant, you have a reason, but you are also finding a good release in your bunnies!)
There was something i was taught, but had a hard time believing, everyone has a portion of the truth, none of us have it all. I actually see it now and those lessons each learns is where we can see the truth.
I am unabashedly a fighter, but i think i have learned more how to channel that energy so it does not have me going in a hamster wheel.
That one is funny, because i did learn that lesson physically in tea kwon do. When in a match, i would block and wait until the correct moment to strike, it worked.
The same occurs in my life. i try to work with what is thrown at me until the right moment.
Do i still get angry? You betcha! Do i let it control me? No way!
Now i get the chance to teach people how to help me. That is a new thing cause i would previously (figuratively) lay on the floor crying like a spoiled brat and no one would know what to do.
It is all interesting!
It is funny also the confidence in what I can do and who i am and what i know.
That allows me to say "I do not know" much more easily.
So much for my lessons this Saturday morning.
Friday, May 29, 2009
The project
I do not know why I have been trying thing I have not previously (portraits for instance), but I will say my photography skills are nil, so the pictures seen here are a best, bad.
The concept:
A post civil war farm house with new additions
seen in the early light.
I think my vision was also distorted, but this is done on water color board, so corrections are possible.
I did structures first, since I was not sure how I was going to work with light at first.
I started adding some detail, but everything was taking time (that sounds familiar)!
I also decided it would be early morning.
More detail, a bit of correction of the perspective and I started filling in.
The sky and houses paint were initially done using a large wet brush, letting things dry and then filling in with a fairly wet brush. All detail is done using a dry brush with very little water.
I did quit a bit one day.
And it is NOT close to finished. I straightened out the one roof, i may need to do more work on the other (the picture shows a problem, my eyes on the painting do not, we will see).
There was more done tonight mostly with a dry brush, but none of those pictures look okay.
The concept:
A post civil war farm house with new additions
seen in the early light.
I think my vision was also distorted, but this is done on water color board, so corrections are possible.
I did structures first, since I was not sure how I was going to work with light at first.
I started adding some detail, but everything was taking time (that sounds familiar)!
I also decided it would be early morning.
More detail, a bit of correction of the perspective and I started filling in.
The sky and houses paint were initially done using a large wet brush, letting things dry and then filling in with a fairly wet brush. All detail is done using a dry brush with very little water.
I did quit a bit one day.
And it is NOT close to finished. I straightened out the one roof, i may need to do more work on the other (the picture shows a problem, my eyes on the painting do not, we will see).
There was more done tonight mostly with a dry brush, but none of those pictures look okay.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
There IS a crack in the dam!
I have been talking about feeling things were turning around. I hit enough brick walls lately that either i was going to break or the walls were.
The union got involved with the sick bank thing and I am resubmitting my request tomorrow.
A couple of financial things are working out or have been shut down completely, it also seems to be to the good.
I am learning how to teach people to help me.
It was a strange thing at work because people see me working, doing very complicated stuff and they think i am okay. One even said it must be nice that i get to go home early to work on my yard.
Surprise! I go home and sleep and really do not get going until late, 4 or 5, sometimes 6.
They found that out yesterday when i went home at 2 (i had some very good help from my friend, the reiki master to do that) and my coworker called to ask for some guidance. I was asleep and my housemate told her so. I am fairly certain that surprised her and made her realize that i am NOT joking.
Since the optometrist are able to measure improvement in the range of the eye, they are not surprised at my difficulty and have written a note explaining just that.
As i was working today, i realized just how incredible things really are. Most of my work is done by remembering where things are and how to do them, not always SEEING exactly. So it is just as when i caught that falling pot, all reflex.
Even typing is done that way, or writing code. It all takes large amounts of effort, which i am doing and that all tires me out.
I actually am beginning to think it is pretty darn amazing!
The union got involved with the sick bank thing and I am resubmitting my request tomorrow.
A couple of financial things are working out or have been shut down completely, it also seems to be to the good.
I am learning how to teach people to help me.
It was a strange thing at work because people see me working, doing very complicated stuff and they think i am okay. One even said it must be nice that i get to go home early to work on my yard.
Surprise! I go home and sleep and really do not get going until late, 4 or 5, sometimes 6.
They found that out yesterday when i went home at 2 (i had some very good help from my friend, the reiki master to do that) and my coworker called to ask for some guidance. I was asleep and my housemate told her so. I am fairly certain that surprised her and made her realize that i am NOT joking.
Since the optometrist are able to measure improvement in the range of the eye, they are not surprised at my difficulty and have written a note explaining just that.
As i was working today, i realized just how incredible things really are. Most of my work is done by remembering where things are and how to do them, not always SEEING exactly. So it is just as when i caught that falling pot, all reflex.
Even typing is done that way, or writing code. It all takes large amounts of effort, which i am doing and that all tires me out.
I actually am beginning to think it is pretty darn amazing!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Inexplicable
There are too many strange things going on.
When i have my glasses on and i turn my head quickly, the world seems to spin and then comes back together again.
To avoid this i would need to turn my head very slowly, something i have not gotten into the habit of.
Last night, as i was preparing a plate of dinner for one of the people who lives in the house, but was working, i did that to put a pot back onto the stove. I missed the stove.
There is appropriate anger. I have myself more experienced inappropriate anger where i just blow up and some perceived injustice. Some times i am right.
This morning, during my quite time, i was thinking about the city's board which allocates sick bank time. The wording was interesting. I quote:
" Since you are getting paid, it does not meet one of the requirements of the Sick Bank, that it be “extreme hardship.” ".
This is of course is because i chosen to try to go back to work.
I would love each on that board to have the vision i am experiencing for 5 minutes and tell me it is not an "extreme hardship".
I was angry, because of the callousness of the decision and the strange inflexibility of the rules. It will be fought, but because i have had so much trouble with anger in the past, i had stuffed it down.
Something became clear, ti is not because i have not asked for help, i have. It is that people and boards do not seem to respond to my request. There is more of a lesson to learn here.
Even around the house, it takes several requests before my house mates realize i can not do something, before it happens.
As a teen, there were times i would turn into a seething volcano. I never hurt anyone, but the potential was there. Even as a young adult, that rage would occur and things would get broken.
It was funny to me, but the community i was in (at that point it was more strictly Christian), had no issue with me being angry, i just had to repair what i broke and they tried ( at least the leadership) to help me come to grips with what was going on.
As good as my parents were (and as bad), there was always a portion of ignoring me that happened. Too much other life bearing down on them for them to struggle against for them to also struggle with their only child.
I have trouble being ignored!
As much as i want to be upset or angry, there are times i simply will not.
An important person to me as huge issues with her children, one is 15 and diagnosed with mental illness. The child has been in and out of hospitals and is getting into trouble. As much as I want to see my friend this weekend, i do understand why i might not and really do remember the struggles of being a teen.
Another friend, lives elsewhere, struggles with her daughter, also a teen, who deals with anxiety and panic attacks. Is a brilliant kid, but does not fit in at school. I relate really well.
Back to the pot.
out of the corner of my eye, my peripheral vision sees it falling and my hand shoots out and catches it as it is falling. Nothing is spilled.
Inexplicable!
When i have my glasses on and i turn my head quickly, the world seems to spin and then comes back together again.
To avoid this i would need to turn my head very slowly, something i have not gotten into the habit of.
Last night, as i was preparing a plate of dinner for one of the people who lives in the house, but was working, i did that to put a pot back onto the stove. I missed the stove.
There is appropriate anger. I have myself more experienced inappropriate anger where i just blow up and some perceived injustice. Some times i am right.
This morning, during my quite time, i was thinking about the city's board which allocates sick bank time. The wording was interesting. I quote:
" Since you are getting paid, it does not meet one of the requirements of the Sick Bank, that it be “extreme hardship.” ".
This is of course is because i chosen to try to go back to work.
I would love each on that board to have the vision i am experiencing for 5 minutes and tell me it is not an "extreme hardship".
I was angry, because of the callousness of the decision and the strange inflexibility of the rules. It will be fought, but because i have had so much trouble with anger in the past, i had stuffed it down.
Something became clear, ti is not because i have not asked for help, i have. It is that people and boards do not seem to respond to my request. There is more of a lesson to learn here.
Even around the house, it takes several requests before my house mates realize i can not do something, before it happens.
As a teen, there were times i would turn into a seething volcano. I never hurt anyone, but the potential was there. Even as a young adult, that rage would occur and things would get broken.
It was funny to me, but the community i was in (at that point it was more strictly Christian), had no issue with me being angry, i just had to repair what i broke and they tried ( at least the leadership) to help me come to grips with what was going on.
As good as my parents were (and as bad), there was always a portion of ignoring me that happened. Too much other life bearing down on them for them to struggle against for them to also struggle with their only child.
I have trouble being ignored!
As much as i want to be upset or angry, there are times i simply will not.
An important person to me as huge issues with her children, one is 15 and diagnosed with mental illness. The child has been in and out of hospitals and is getting into trouble. As much as I want to see my friend this weekend, i do understand why i might not and really do remember the struggles of being a teen.
Another friend, lives elsewhere, struggles with her daughter, also a teen, who deals with anxiety and panic attacks. Is a brilliant kid, but does not fit in at school. I relate really well.
Back to the pot.
out of the corner of my eye, my peripheral vision sees it falling and my hand shoots out and catches it as it is falling. Nothing is spilled.
Inexplicable!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Comparisons
I seem to have gotten much more "reflective" since my adventure started.
I think this is a good thing, it lets me stop and notice things around me and in me.
Up not as early as Saturday,
there was no breeze, but the air was damp and cool.
Starlings and sparrows were squawking at each other,
but the morning doves soothed that racket with gentle cooing .
A noise From someone some where, i could not see.
Ah the Italian neighbor,
working in her garden across the street,
wearing black because her husband recently passed, he was 93.
She is what i think of as a typical Italian, she shares from the bounty of her garden with her neighbors.
She is mostly quiet in the morning, but always working in the garden.
It is a good morning to be quiet on.
I notice that my favorite rose, the wild white one that smells so intensely , but only blooms for one week is beginning to bloom its small white flowers.
The Irises are incredible now and the peas I planted early are blooming!
That these are blooming is good, I had forgotten that the garden was unattended from July on last year, so i am no longer surprised at the number of weeds that exist along side these beauties. It is a lot of work.
The vision i currently have is giving me fits.
At times with the glasses on, i can not keep my balance.
This makes working in the garden more than a challenge.
I have killed some plants by stumbling around.
I noticed that when my eyes are tired, there are double images, they are reversed, meaning that things are getting better. This in of it self seems strange to me as i would think that it would be when i was rested that the eyes would be better, as they seem to be by where the double images are.
I just know there are changes and as difficult as they make things, it is okay.
I think this is a good thing, it lets me stop and notice things around me and in me.
Up not as early as Saturday,
there was no breeze, but the air was damp and cool.
Starlings and sparrows were squawking at each other,
but the morning doves soothed that racket with gentle cooing .
A noise From someone some where, i could not see.
Ah the Italian neighbor,
working in her garden across the street,
wearing black because her husband recently passed, he was 93.
She is what i think of as a typical Italian, she shares from the bounty of her garden with her neighbors.
She is mostly quiet in the morning, but always working in the garden.
It is a good morning to be quiet on.
I notice that my favorite rose, the wild white one that smells so intensely , but only blooms for one week is beginning to bloom its small white flowers.
The Irises are incredible now and the peas I planted early are blooming!
That these are blooming is good, I had forgotten that the garden was unattended from July on last year, so i am no longer surprised at the number of weeds that exist along side these beauties. It is a lot of work.
The vision i currently have is giving me fits.
At times with the glasses on, i can not keep my balance.
This makes working in the garden more than a challenge.
I have killed some plants by stumbling around.
I noticed that when my eyes are tired, there are double images, they are reversed, meaning that things are getting better. This in of it self seems strange to me as i would think that it would be when i was rested that the eyes would be better, as they seem to be by where the double images are.
I just know there are changes and as difficult as they make things, it is okay.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
The promise of a beautiful day
Sitting Outside in the early morning,
everything is quiet,
except the distant whistle of a train.
The wind is blowing a refreshing breeze,
neither cold nor hot.
The bunches rustle and sway making an almost melancholy sound.
Everything feels good.
Then my neighbor begins working on his wife's car.
I do love the morning. It seems that with my adventure, i have become a morning person. Usually waking before the sun, but not rushing to get out of bed.
I have that first cup of coffee and i think about people in my life, there struggles and how much each means to me. It is pleasant.I go downstairs to workout for 10 or so minutes and then I have my second cup of coffee and on days like this, it is outside.
The lack of activity is refreshing.
I am still pondering what i am currently trying to learn and i am confused.
Yesterday, at the lab, i was in the middle of a number of things when someone stopped in. Thinking no one was up front to help him, i told him i would be a bit till i finished what i was doing.
I finished and he wanted water bottles for testing. My surprise was that my co-worker was upfront and could have helped with this simple thing. She did not.
There is a portion of me that is not surprised because while i was out, very little was done in the environmental water testing area.
You ask what i am trying to learn?
How to be dependent.
How to ask for help.
How not to do, when it really is too hard for me.
There is a degree of stubbornness and willfulness and just "will not give up" in me that does not allow for this much.
I remember when i was in the hospital that i simply let everyone do for me and help me as much as possible because i could not. I had no shame about them helping me with anything.
Part of my therapy for my self ( and encouraged by doctors, nurses and therapist) was to push and try everything.
There are things that i simply can not do still and i need to be able to ask for help.
Part of it is that i think i am a burden on people and that is the part that has to go.
This is my lesson at this time.
everything is quiet,
except the distant whistle of a train.
The wind is blowing a refreshing breeze,
neither cold nor hot.
The bunches rustle and sway making an almost melancholy sound.
Everything feels good.
Then my neighbor begins working on his wife's car.
I do love the morning. It seems that with my adventure, i have become a morning person. Usually waking before the sun, but not rushing to get out of bed.
I have that first cup of coffee and i think about people in my life, there struggles and how much each means to me. It is pleasant.I go downstairs to workout for 10 or so minutes and then I have my second cup of coffee and on days like this, it is outside.
The lack of activity is refreshing.
I am still pondering what i am currently trying to learn and i am confused.
Yesterday, at the lab, i was in the middle of a number of things when someone stopped in. Thinking no one was up front to help him, i told him i would be a bit till i finished what i was doing.
I finished and he wanted water bottles for testing. My surprise was that my co-worker was upfront and could have helped with this simple thing. She did not.
There is a portion of me that is not surprised because while i was out, very little was done in the environmental water testing area.
You ask what i am trying to learn?
How to be dependent.
How to ask for help.
How not to do, when it really is too hard for me.
There is a degree of stubbornness and willfulness and just "will not give up" in me that does not allow for this much.
I remember when i was in the hospital that i simply let everyone do for me and help me as much as possible because i could not. I had no shame about them helping me with anything.
Part of my therapy for my self ( and encouraged by doctors, nurses and therapist) was to push and try everything.
There are things that i simply can not do still and i need to be able to ask for help.
Part of it is that i think i am a burden on people and that is the part that has to go.
This is my lesson at this time.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Last night!
Lat night I did that lentil dish that i talked about a bit ago.
I think my Indian friend would have been proud.
Everyone loved it.
Started with Olive Oil, Garlic and onions. Got thing cooking and added in no particular order
Coriander, cumin, paprika, Turmeric, dry red pepper, ginger and let it get pasty.
I do not know how much of each except the onions at 2 medium ones cubed. The garlic was about a tablespoon and there were equal amount of cumin, coriander and Turmeric. Only about a tea spoon of ginger. Then salted and added lentils I soaked over night and brought things to a simmer again. Diced 2 medium tomatoes (but I think I would have liked more). Finally covered everything with about an inch of water and brought to a boil, turned down to a simmer.
At the same time i was cooking a cumin seed jasmine rice. Olive oil again, heat with a teaspoon or so of cumin seeds. Add a cup or so of rice. Stir till everything is hot and add water to about 2 inches over the rice. bring to a boil and cover and turn down the heat to low.
Served with some chopped cilantro on top.
My meat eating crew was very happy...again.
With all my background, you would think i would be more exacting in my measurements, but a lot of everything i do when i cook is based on color, smell, texture and taste (when i can). In someways it is an escape for the rigors of chemistry, but even with chemistry I know what are the limiting reagents in any particular test or reaction and so can vary things if I want (see it pay to know too much).
One of the strange things with my adventure is that when I look in the distance with my glasses and when I take them off, I am not able to discern detail well.
I brings my paying attention to too many specific things to an enjoyment of the general "feel" of things. (Grant will probably comment on this).
I think it has made my life better.
I think my Indian friend would have been proud.
Everyone loved it.
Started with Olive Oil, Garlic and onions. Got thing cooking and added in no particular order
Coriander, cumin, paprika, Turmeric, dry red pepper, ginger and let it get pasty.
I do not know how much of each except the onions at 2 medium ones cubed. The garlic was about a tablespoon and there were equal amount of cumin, coriander and Turmeric. Only about a tea spoon of ginger. Then salted and added lentils I soaked over night and brought things to a simmer again. Diced 2 medium tomatoes (but I think I would have liked more). Finally covered everything with about an inch of water and brought to a boil, turned down to a simmer.
At the same time i was cooking a cumin seed jasmine rice. Olive oil again, heat with a teaspoon or so of cumin seeds. Add a cup or so of rice. Stir till everything is hot and add water to about 2 inches over the rice. bring to a boil and cover and turn down the heat to low.
Served with some chopped cilantro on top.
My meat eating crew was very happy...again.
With all my background, you would think i would be more exacting in my measurements, but a lot of everything i do when i cook is based on color, smell, texture and taste (when i can). In someways it is an escape for the rigors of chemistry, but even with chemistry I know what are the limiting reagents in any particular test or reaction and so can vary things if I want (see it pay to know too much).
One of the strange things with my adventure is that when I look in the distance with my glasses and when I take them off, I am not able to discern detail well.
I brings my paying attention to too many specific things to an enjoyment of the general "feel" of things. (Grant will probably comment on this).
I think it has made my life better.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
What a day
The whole of Stamford and Darien was out to get me today!
Because of the work, I could not leave until 2 PM and I really needed to leave at 1:30.
There is no one else to do the work and it is important for everyone's health.
It is something I need to work on, but I do not see my options.
Things are breaking open tho...I have to wonder if my dad is around whispering in my ear about all that weirdness feelings, he was the financial wizard, but the feeling really have nothing to do with money.
It all has to do with attitude. If you look at the stock market it is run by a few forces, one is greed and we all know about that, it usually gets us no where fast, especially our spiritual part.
Then there is the other portion which is either hope or the lack of it. Hope infiltrates people and "powers" and creates a better attitude. The lack of it creates despair. Hope defeats a lot of evil.
When the "tea party expose'" broadcast from comedy central, I laughed and felt sorry for those deluded people, who seemingly where happier that already rich, greedy people took their savings, but it was not okay to help the "least of these", the ones who were losing the little they had. Strange attitude.
So Ricardo and Matthew, don't get your money hopes up, but hope is looking up and it might help in that area also.
The final is a picture especially for Libby, the weeds in the picture are catnip, which took over a large part of the garden. The neighborhood cats are happy, but i am not! It seems that catnip is actually harder to get rid of than pernicious mint, which at least has a purpose for me and can be enjoyed by me.
Because of the work, I could not leave until 2 PM and I really needed to leave at 1:30.
There is no one else to do the work and it is important for everyone's health.
It is something I need to work on, but I do not see my options.
Things are breaking open tho...I have to wonder if my dad is around whispering in my ear about all that weirdness feelings, he was the financial wizard, but the feeling really have nothing to do with money.
It all has to do with attitude. If you look at the stock market it is run by a few forces, one is greed and we all know about that, it usually gets us no where fast, especially our spiritual part.
Then there is the other portion which is either hope or the lack of it. Hope infiltrates people and "powers" and creates a better attitude. The lack of it creates despair. Hope defeats a lot of evil.
When the "tea party expose'" broadcast from comedy central, I laughed and felt sorry for those deluded people, who seemingly where happier that already rich, greedy people took their savings, but it was not okay to help the "least of these", the ones who were losing the little they had. Strange attitude.
So Ricardo and Matthew, don't get your money hopes up, but hope is looking up and it might help in that area also.
The final is a picture especially for Libby, the weeds in the picture are catnip, which took over a large part of the garden. The neighborhood cats are happy, but i am not! It seems that catnip is actually harder to get rid of than pernicious mint, which at least has a purpose for me and can be enjoyed by me.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Garden
Early Musings...now pictures!
The Garden:
Bleeding Hearts: Azaleas: First Rose:
You think I can't do anyway?
The Garden:
Bleeding Hearts: Azaleas: First Rose:
You think I can't do anyway?
Daily
Wow, what a day!
It seems that i am doing the work of a full time person in my pitiful 5 and 1/2 hours.
We will know that the beaches are okay for swimming (if that was ever in doubt with the water temperature at 52) and a couple of new pools will be open for Memorial day.
West beach had its swimming area extended south a bit, so there was more sampling there.
We checked the old Southfield beach and i expect that when the Mill River finishes its things, that will be an okay place for swimming. (right now only a boating club which gives under privileged children a chance to learn boating uses the area for being in the water).
Me, I was tired today, but still a bit better. I will see if I am able to do an errand after work soon, then I will extend my hours a bit again.
I am down to 6.9 hours of sick time left, but I will work this out.
The tiredness gets me a bit frustrated, but i am not down.
There are a number of a caring people in my life and they are helping me out.
It was always hard for me to accept help and so being significantly dependent of people is the last thing for me to accept.
It is funny, when I realized that i almost died on the operating table after the operation, i was not upset. Before the operation, i was petrified of dying.
When i lost all my strength and could barely walk, i was bothered, but not upset. I just became determined to get better.
When i lost my cognitive functions in November, it was not so bad because i just operated by my heart I can laugh about it now, even though others are still scared for me.
I found the people most important to me, because even the poorest one, who did not have a car , would visit me at times.
I lost the things that were important to me (i know i keep saying that, but it is true) and found they were not that important.
I found the things that were most important to me.
See what a tough day does to me?
It seems that i am doing the work of a full time person in my pitiful 5 and 1/2 hours.
We will know that the beaches are okay for swimming (if that was ever in doubt with the water temperature at 52) and a couple of new pools will be open for Memorial day.
West beach had its swimming area extended south a bit, so there was more sampling there.
We checked the old Southfield beach and i expect that when the Mill River finishes its things, that will be an okay place for swimming. (right now only a boating club which gives under privileged children a chance to learn boating uses the area for being in the water).
Me, I was tired today, but still a bit better. I will see if I am able to do an errand after work soon, then I will extend my hours a bit again.
I am down to 6.9 hours of sick time left, but I will work this out.
The tiredness gets me a bit frustrated, but i am not down.
There are a number of a caring people in my life and they are helping me out.
It was always hard for me to accept help and so being significantly dependent of people is the last thing for me to accept.
It is funny, when I realized that i almost died on the operating table after the operation, i was not upset. Before the operation, i was petrified of dying.
When i lost all my strength and could barely walk, i was bothered, but not upset. I just became determined to get better.
When i lost my cognitive functions in November, it was not so bad because i just operated by my heart I can laugh about it now, even though others are still scared for me.
I found the people most important to me, because even the poorest one, who did not have a car , would visit me at times.
I lost the things that were important to me (i know i keep saying that, but it is true) and found they were not that important.
I found the things that were most important to me.
See what a tough day does to me?
Monday, May 18, 2009
An experiment
"It is not by sight"...
Everything I feel or sense is not done by what I see, that is why weirdness post was what it was.
Today I did an experiment, I walked without the glasses.
Everything in double vision.
I did not need the cane.
I did not sway or see distortion.
I saw everything clearly as double and everything was clear.
After feeling so tired after work, this was ...the only word to use is "wild".
I could not function at work with out the glasses, but now I have to explore what I am going to do with this info. I would say that it did make me very tired tho, so we will see.
Wild.
Soon there will be a post on the painting I have been working a bit at a time. things are getting close to a finish.
Everything I feel or sense is not done by what I see, that is why weirdness post was what it was.
Today I did an experiment, I walked without the glasses.
Everything in double vision.
I did not need the cane.
I did not sway or see distortion.
I saw everything clearly as double and everything was clear.
After feeling so tired after work, this was ...the only word to use is "wild".
I could not function at work with out the glasses, but now I have to explore what I am going to do with this info. I would say that it did make me very tired tho, so we will see.
Wild.
Soon there will be a post on the painting I have been working a bit at a time. things are getting close to a finish.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Weirdness
I figured thing were going to break open soon.
Not everything, but enough to know the dam is breaking and the water is finally ending this current drought.
I have weird gut insights to such things.
This is the start, the beginning of June is the next.
You doubt?
Lets just say that in July 2008, I told the Merrill Lynch broker to get rid of my mothers stocks. My mother did not listen and we all know what happened.
Nothing to do with knowledge, just a gut feeling.
At the end of February I said thing will start looking up, so wait a few months before you sell any more.
Hmmm? Got that one also.
I claim no knowledge, just this crazy gut feeling.
It helps,. It is not all about money. It is about people and sensations and whatever.
I just know things are looking up, even if they look like they are heading the other way.
And that is only for me and those I connect to personally.
Not everything, but enough to know the dam is breaking and the water is finally ending this current drought.
I have weird gut insights to such things.
This is the start, the beginning of June is the next.
You doubt?
Lets just say that in July 2008, I told the Merrill Lynch broker to get rid of my mothers stocks. My mother did not listen and we all know what happened.
Nothing to do with knowledge, just a gut feeling.
At the end of February I said thing will start looking up, so wait a few months before you sell any more.
Hmmm? Got that one also.
I claim no knowledge, just this crazy gut feeling.
It helps,. It is not all about money. It is about people and sensations and whatever.
I just know things are looking up, even if they look like they are heading the other way.
And that is only for me and those I connect to personally.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Frustration, no complaining
As numerous things seem not to be happening for me, i will admit to being frustrated.
Each item is fairly major and the blocks to obtaining them seem fairly major.
Not one of the blocks has anything to do with me!
The simple example is that I wanted to refinance my condo that i have in Virginia. It will be where i live when i leave the city, but now it is rented and as such is an "investment" property.
I have a great credit score and meet all the qualifications, except that the condo complex is more than 51% rented. No one will touch me, but it took the bank 3 months before they could tell me this.
The lady who finally told me this was expecting me to get really upset, but i was not. There will be another way.
My eyes have kinda stopped moving, but i still get to work only 5 & 1/2 hours because after that , while i am sitting still, the room is moving. Not easy. But i am not considered a "hardship" case, so I can not get anymore sick time from the sick bank. I actually laughed at this one, while my co-workers got very upset. I am working with the Union on this one.
Trying to post on my environmental blog has had me frustrated because the HTML/XML from Microsoft is not compatible with this blog.
It took one more block, on something as simple as accessing a secure website, that i could not make happen and then could not even reach on the phone because of "security" blocks, that i burst out laughing.
There was simply nothing else to do. I could not get upset, there was NOTHING i could do!
I was amazed.
Then this morning a post by Sweet Mango, just reaffirmed everything nicely.
I am smiling.
I will keep trying and things will open up.
I am assured of this deep in my heart.
I am thankful still.
Each item is fairly major and the blocks to obtaining them seem fairly major.
Not one of the blocks has anything to do with me!
The simple example is that I wanted to refinance my condo that i have in Virginia. It will be where i live when i leave the city, but now it is rented and as such is an "investment" property.
I have a great credit score and meet all the qualifications, except that the condo complex is more than 51% rented. No one will touch me, but it took the bank 3 months before they could tell me this.
The lady who finally told me this was expecting me to get really upset, but i was not. There will be another way.
My eyes have kinda stopped moving, but i still get to work only 5 & 1/2 hours because after that , while i am sitting still, the room is moving. Not easy. But i am not considered a "hardship" case, so I can not get anymore sick time from the sick bank. I actually laughed at this one, while my co-workers got very upset. I am working with the Union on this one.
Trying to post on my environmental blog has had me frustrated because the HTML/XML from Microsoft is not compatible with this blog.
It took one more block, on something as simple as accessing a secure website, that i could not make happen and then could not even reach on the phone because of "security" blocks, that i burst out laughing.
There was simply nothing else to do. I could not get upset, there was NOTHING i could do!
I was amazed.
Then this morning a post by Sweet Mango, just reaffirmed everything nicely.
I am smiling.
I will keep trying and things will open up.
I am assured of this deep in my heart.
I am thankful still.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
So what happened?
The Optometrist told me what I knew, things are getting better. They had measurements to prove it though.
They did not change the prisms in the glasses, but that is okay, the time will come.
I do have another appointment next month, we will see! (pun is intended)
The powers that have the authority to grant me extra sick time from the sick bank, will not.
It turns out that because i have vacation time and am WORKING, even if it is part-time, I do not qualify for the serious needs clause. This did not phase me, I will approach my union concerning this because they have told me that this was not how it was to work.
My dear friend Jenny had her check for rent stolen and cashed. The thief was caught on video and I think that will work out, but she is out cash money that was also stolen at the same time. It almost sounds like the landlord did not change the locks from the previous tenant.
She is upset (rightfully so), but she standing strong. I will try to make sure she is okay (if she lets me, she is strong willed in that way).
I stayed till 1:30 at work and did okay! Had to crash when i came home, but that is okay. I am up now and doing well.
I will do my vegetarian Mexican meal tonight. I have to get lentils so i can do some good Indian food and/or some fresh vegetables for Italian. These are easy to cook and keeps me in touch with the world.
Strange, but positive day.
They did not change the prisms in the glasses, but that is okay, the time will come.
I do have another appointment next month, we will see! (pun is intended)
The powers that have the authority to grant me extra sick time from the sick bank, will not.
It turns out that because i have vacation time and am WORKING, even if it is part-time, I do not qualify for the serious needs clause. This did not phase me, I will approach my union concerning this because they have told me that this was not how it was to work.
My dear friend Jenny had her check for rent stolen and cashed. The thief was caught on video and I think that will work out, but she is out cash money that was also stolen at the same time. It almost sounds like the landlord did not change the locks from the previous tenant.
She is upset (rightfully so), but she standing strong. I will try to make sure she is okay (if she lets me, she is strong willed in that way).
I stayed till 1:30 at work and did okay! Had to crash when i came home, but that is okay. I am up now and doing well.
I will do my vegetarian Mexican meal tonight. I have to get lentils so i can do some good Indian food and/or some fresh vegetables for Italian. These are easy to cook and keeps me in touch with the world.
Strange, but positive day.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Attitude
I sit thinking of this long (in my view) Adventure,
I think of the many times i could have slipped into dark despair, but did not.
The images of confusion do not push me into despair, but are a wonderment.
There is not blackness, but light,
God alone knows why, i do not comprehend the positiveness in my own heart.
I think of the many times i could have slipped into dark despair, but did not.
The images of confusion do not push me into despair, but are a wonderment.
There is not blackness, but light,
God alone knows why, i do not comprehend the positiveness in my own heart.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Sidewalks and attitude.
So I get to go back to the optometrist/head trauma specialist in NY tomorrow.
I am a bit anxious, there is a lot going on with the eyes, but the adventure is not over yet.
I was hoping that it would be over, but i will wait it out.
It is the getting better that is making my life significantly more difficult, but i am not complaining. The vision is getting better.
Walking to and from work gives an interesting perspective on Stamford.
The drivers are rude and unsafe for the most part, but there are gems out there. We need more of those people here.
Stamford is not the most pedestrian friendly city, but then there are times you feel like a prince (as in "Coming to America"). The cherry blossoms fall like a carpet and are beautiful!
The space is wide enough for two or three easily.
Most times it is like this:
Trash cans and light posts make it so you might have single file traffic.
For some one with significant visual problems, the legs for the fence can cause a tripping problem.
The ways are tight and built, not for pedestrian traffic, but so businesses can hawk their space.
I am a bit anxious, there is a lot going on with the eyes, but the adventure is not over yet.
I was hoping that it would be over, but i will wait it out.
It is the getting better that is making my life significantly more difficult, but i am not complaining. The vision is getting better.
Walking to and from work gives an interesting perspective on Stamford.
The drivers are rude and unsafe for the most part, but there are gems out there. We need more of those people here.
Stamford is not the most pedestrian friendly city, but then there are times you feel like a prince (as in "Coming to America"). The cherry blossoms fall like a carpet and are beautiful!
The space is wide enough for two or three easily.
Most times it is like this:
Trash cans and light posts make it so you might have single file traffic.
For some one with significant visual problems, the legs for the fence can cause a tripping problem.
The ways are tight and built, not for pedestrian traffic, but so businesses can hawk their space.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
I laugh
At all the crazy things in my life.
The eyesight (not mine, cause mine is coming soon) drives me crazy as it tries to hang on. Thursday was a difficult day with it, the left eye muscle has been twitching off and on for over 2 weeks and it moves my already difficult vision to new heights of confusion.
The funny thing, i think, believe, that it just means i am getting better.
More often i can not use the glasses early morning and so i leave them off for up to an hour.
I hung in till 1 PM at work, but barely. I was swaying and needed to hold on to things to keep my balance, often.
I started to walk home and a friend saw me and gave me a ride. That was very welcome. I crashed for 2 hours.
I had dreams that night that woke me, all the difficulties that i am working with, the things that do not look like they are working out. I had meditative music on, but it was not helping. Anxiousness was creeping in. I switched the music to something I call "survival". I know this will not work for everyone, but for me it has great meaning. It is music from a Community Episcopal Church i knew of in Houston. The church is now a "normal" church, but during the time they were a Community they did a lot of good in the town for those who did not have. I kept that portion of the life they believed and their music. The anxiousness left.
Friday turned into a much better day and stayed longer.
Part of the reason is that we had an influx of ticks to send off for testing and a lot of questions at the end of my day. The hysteria around Lyme disease is not totally unwarranted, but early treatment always works. I have to deal with doctors not following CDC guidelines and refusing to treat even when a patient exhibits symptoms. Once patients have the right info, the doctors always respond correctly. I also never worry so much about the ticks they bring in. I welcome testing them because I want to know what is going on out there, but even a fast test ($50) will take 2 weeks to come back and it does not test the tick the people my not have found.
Symptoms are the big thing, even at the CDC. We are an endemic area for Lyme, the ticks carry it. Look for symptoms. Go to your doctor.
This is my mantra and it assures people. Gives them some kind of assurance. Maybe because i am so certain of the info. There is nothing wishy washy about what I tell them.
In the end it make me feel better, I am helping people. It gives me energy.
I felt a lot better Friday after 3 of those incidents.
Then it was beautiful out. The promised rain did not come till the morning and the sun was out.
I went with my friend grocery shopping. She talks of many problems and I listen. I offered one piece of advice, once, but there was a ready answer waiting, so I said no more. It was the same as my difficult dreams the night before. There is no fighting those things with answers or logic, they can only be fought by not fighting. I am just learning that lesson.
I grilled salmon on the barbecue for my finale. It was good. Say the "First Contact" Trek movie on TV, that was good. There is always hope in those stories. I went to bed, the music still playing on my computer, I slept well.
The eyesight (not mine, cause mine is coming soon) drives me crazy as it tries to hang on. Thursday was a difficult day with it, the left eye muscle has been twitching off and on for over 2 weeks and it moves my already difficult vision to new heights of confusion.
The funny thing, i think, believe, that it just means i am getting better.
More often i can not use the glasses early morning and so i leave them off for up to an hour.
I hung in till 1 PM at work, but barely. I was swaying and needed to hold on to things to keep my balance, often.
I started to walk home and a friend saw me and gave me a ride. That was very welcome. I crashed for 2 hours.
I had dreams that night that woke me, all the difficulties that i am working with, the things that do not look like they are working out. I had meditative music on, but it was not helping. Anxiousness was creeping in. I switched the music to something I call "survival". I know this will not work for everyone, but for me it has great meaning. It is music from a Community Episcopal Church i knew of in Houston. The church is now a "normal" church, but during the time they were a Community they did a lot of good in the town for those who did not have. I kept that portion of the life they believed and their music. The anxiousness left.
Friday turned into a much better day and stayed longer.
Part of the reason is that we had an influx of ticks to send off for testing and a lot of questions at the end of my day. The hysteria around Lyme disease is not totally unwarranted, but early treatment always works. I have to deal with doctors not following CDC guidelines and refusing to treat even when a patient exhibits symptoms. Once patients have the right info, the doctors always respond correctly. I also never worry so much about the ticks they bring in. I welcome testing them because I want to know what is going on out there, but even a fast test ($50) will take 2 weeks to come back and it does not test the tick the people my not have found.
Symptoms are the big thing, even at the CDC. We are an endemic area for Lyme, the ticks carry it. Look for symptoms. Go to your doctor.
This is my mantra and it assures people. Gives them some kind of assurance. Maybe because i am so certain of the info. There is nothing wishy washy about what I tell them.
In the end it make me feel better, I am helping people. It gives me energy.
I felt a lot better Friday after 3 of those incidents.
Then it was beautiful out. The promised rain did not come till the morning and the sun was out.
I went with my friend grocery shopping. She talks of many problems and I listen. I offered one piece of advice, once, but there was a ready answer waiting, so I said no more. It was the same as my difficult dreams the night before. There is no fighting those things with answers or logic, they can only be fought by not fighting. I am just learning that lesson.
I grilled salmon on the barbecue for my finale. It was good. Say the "First Contact" Trek movie on TV, that was good. There is always hope in those stories. I went to bed, the music still playing on my computer, I slept well.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Honored ... again
David, that is. Employee of the month again at Petsmart.
His love of animals has made this a super fit for him.
His disabilities seem so much smaller and he is beaming with pride.
Of course I knew this being knocked down a bit myself, unable to drive (like him), but he shows me up all the time. So much for the worth of being smart (on my side).
He has it all over me!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Quiet Musings
Today I forgot my keys and when I came home no one was there. It was not a warm day, but neither was it cold, I had a nice jacket.
I sat outside on our porch hearing some unseen bird chattering in the bushes. It was quiet. The breezy was brisk and chilly, but carried with it the scent of lilac from bushes in my yard.
The sun poked through every so often, bringing a little warmth. i fell asleep.
Things do not seem to get me as upset as they did before.
I sat outside on our porch hearing some unseen bird chattering in the bushes. It was quiet. The breezy was brisk and chilly, but carried with it the scent of lilac from bushes in my yard.
The sun poked through every so often, bringing a little warmth. i fell asleep.
Things do not seem to get me as upset as they did before.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Attitude
How do you describe what seems to an unending torment, with the seeming possibility of ending, with sparks of change, but no completion?
This has been my question as of late
My sick time is running low, the person who is the "gateway" to the sick bank is not seeming to offer much hope as me getting any "extra" time (i have 12 &1/2 days of overage because i did not use it when I was at my maximum). The explanation for this gloomy forecast is because I am working, part time, but working. It almost seems like i am being punished for trying to get back on my feet.
On the other side is that when I wake up in the morning there seems to be improvement. After so much time after i am awake, the vision goes to the old place, but it starts out very good, almost single.
There is much activity in the back of my head, where there has been none previously and it is increasing.
Now my left eye starts to twitch since a week ago Friday.
All of this makes me really tired.
At work, while i am there, it is like it used to be, chaotic, with people coming from all sides with problems and issues for me to solve.
I do.
With the water testing mostly open for business, there is income coming into the lab. not that this was ever a big deal, but it shows the powers that be that we can make money.
I ask "Will this come to an end?"
Patience!
It always gets linked to endurance, long suffering, perseverance and then it gets linked to love.
Love comes from some of my closest friends, at inopportune moments, fro strangers, from people who come to this blog, to people I speak with on the phone.
And there is always Hope, for as much as i act out, i still hope for an end...
"the assurance of things hoped for"
Yes, this is part of it! I hope for an end of this part of my adventure.
"the conviction of things not seen"
Oh, how true! In so many way not seen!
I can say I believe the Doctors. the healers, the Spiritual people in my life and my closest friends.
They all have said it takes time.
"Not by sight"
That reference to seeing again!
Faith, is this what this is all about?
It gives rise to a whole new meaning to that word.
No longer a catch phrase for zealots, who use it as a weapon.
It comes as a word of peace, it brings solace, it brings peace and hope and some where in that journey there is joy.
This has been my question as of late
My sick time is running low, the person who is the "gateway" to the sick bank is not seeming to offer much hope as me getting any "extra" time (i have 12 &1/2 days of overage because i did not use it when I was at my maximum). The explanation for this gloomy forecast is because I am working, part time, but working. It almost seems like i am being punished for trying to get back on my feet.
On the other side is that when I wake up in the morning there seems to be improvement. After so much time after i am awake, the vision goes to the old place, but it starts out very good, almost single.
There is much activity in the back of my head, where there has been none previously and it is increasing.
Now my left eye starts to twitch since a week ago Friday.
All of this makes me really tired.
At work, while i am there, it is like it used to be, chaotic, with people coming from all sides with problems and issues for me to solve.
I do.
With the water testing mostly open for business, there is income coming into the lab. not that this was ever a big deal, but it shows the powers that be that we can make money.
I ask "Will this come to an end?"
Patience!
It always gets linked to endurance, long suffering, perseverance and then it gets linked to love.
Love comes from some of my closest friends, at inopportune moments, fro strangers, from people who come to this blog, to people I speak with on the phone.
And there is always Hope, for as much as i act out, i still hope for an end...
"the assurance of things hoped for"
Yes, this is part of it! I hope for an end of this part of my adventure.
"the conviction of things not seen"
Oh, how true! In so many way not seen!
I can say I believe the Doctors. the healers, the Spiritual people in my life and my closest friends.
They all have said it takes time.
"Not by sight"
That reference to seeing again!
Faith, is this what this is all about?
It gives rise to a whole new meaning to that word.
No longer a catch phrase for zealots, who use it as a weapon.
It comes as a word of peace, it brings solace, it brings peace and hope and some where in that journey there is joy.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Rainy Days
Not an environmental post! I have separated the two ideas in 2 separate blogs.
I thought may be I would give an idea of what is going on.
Fist a lot of activity in my eyes, so much so could NOT use my glasses to do something with the computer this, morning, i could work with out the glasses tho...
Now that the glasses are able to be use, when I am up. things move around a bit so I sway!
So because it is rainy, I could not work on any of my projects in the yard, but I did get a picture of my favorite spring flower, the Bleeding Heart.
The "I am not painting people" post described some of those projects, pictured below.
But I am painting, with all the activity in the eyes, I decided I would do some more on my large project. It is a challenge. My first 2 photos of it are temporarily misplaced, but this is what I started with today.
We will see where it goes. It is one of the largest watercolor on board that I have attempted.
Take that back, it is the largest (20 x 29).
The memory I have of this farm house are over a year old the photos are older.
I have spent some time there with a number of my community. my older best friend and my mom (who grew up on a farm just like this in the 1920s).Early morning is the best time, it is quiet, except maybe the doves cooing. There is no city noise, little road noise. One can get there thoughts together and find solace, if not peace.
I thought may be I would give an idea of what is going on.
Fist a lot of activity in my eyes, so much so could NOT use my glasses to do something with the computer this, morning, i could work with out the glasses tho...
Now that the glasses are able to be use, when I am up. things move around a bit so I sway!
So because it is rainy, I could not work on any of my projects in the yard, but I did get a picture of my favorite spring flower, the Bleeding Heart.
The "I am not painting people" post described some of those projects, pictured below.
But I am painting, with all the activity in the eyes, I decided I would do some more on my large project. It is a challenge. My first 2 photos of it are temporarily misplaced, but this is what I started with today.
We will see where it goes. It is one of the largest watercolor on board that I have attempted.
Take that back, it is the largest (20 x 29).
The memory I have of this farm house are over a year old the photos are older.
I have spent some time there with a number of my community. my older best friend and my mom (who grew up on a farm just like this in the 1920s).Early morning is the best time, it is quiet, except maybe the doves cooing. There is no city noise, little road noise. One can get there thoughts together and find solace, if not peace.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Humor me
I actually have been slowly getting my dry whit back.
It popped out now and then, before but now it is fairly regular and comes out at unbeknown times and places.
It isn't nasty or cruel and can be fun.
It was gone a long time and I am glad it is back, it makes my life more fun.
I know that it used to be a way of getting back at someone, that portion seems to be gone and I am glad, this is more fun! It is playing and playful and i say wacky things with it.
It comes in a conversation, so i can not really post with it except in replies.
There is some improvement in my eyes, which actually makes life more difficult and I actually fell down because of it last night and that might explain the rise of this humor.
I can not yet take off the glasses to read, but many times there is a inverse doubling of images with them.
I am enjoying this.
I am working on a gravel walkway in the backyard. i have the memories of my older best friend guiding me a lot. It is interesting how close he is. I do not remember my own Grandfather, I was 5 when he died, but I have no memories of him. I actually have few memories before the age of 8. The ones I do have are interesting - like remembering running away on my tricycle when I was 2 & 1/2 or being baptized in the Greek Church in Norfolk when I was 3 & 1/2. I checked out my memories and they were very accurate except that I had it as a church in Washington DC, but the layout was exactly right.
It feels like freedom is coming.
A wing,
a dove,
a love,
a prayer.
It comes.
It popped out now and then, before but now it is fairly regular and comes out at unbeknown times and places.
It isn't nasty or cruel and can be fun.
It was gone a long time and I am glad it is back, it makes my life more fun.
I know that it used to be a way of getting back at someone, that portion seems to be gone and I am glad, this is more fun! It is playing and playful and i say wacky things with it.
It comes in a conversation, so i can not really post with it except in replies.
There is some improvement in my eyes, which actually makes life more difficult and I actually fell down because of it last night and that might explain the rise of this humor.
I can not yet take off the glasses to read, but many times there is a inverse doubling of images with them.
I am enjoying this.
I am working on a gravel walkway in the backyard. i have the memories of my older best friend guiding me a lot. It is interesting how close he is. I do not remember my own Grandfather, I was 5 when he died, but I have no memories of him. I actually have few memories before the age of 8. The ones I do have are interesting - like remembering running away on my tricycle when I was 2 & 1/2 or being baptized in the Greek Church in Norfolk when I was 3 & 1/2. I checked out my memories and they were very accurate except that I had it as a church in Washington DC, but the layout was exactly right.
It feels like freedom is coming.
A wing,
a dove,
a love,
a prayer.
It comes.
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